A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:The question is about my best friend, she was in relationship with a guy for 4 years and were seeing each other since 3 yrs before that.It has been 5 years since I met this friend ,she was totally into this guy at that time and I can say since she met him.She took keen interest,approached him and he did respond.At that time(when I met her i.e., after 2 years they knew each other) this guy claimed himself to be married and my friend was so much into him that she ignored this.We or my friend didn't have the option to see his family since they lived in other state and this guy was pursuing his degree from the state where we lived(not in the same town even).When I met her,she told me everything since she was upset and I asked her not to indulge into this as I didn't find this guy to be caring.Within a year, they were in a relationship and she claimed that the guy had lied about his marriage(the reason she said was that his family is orthodox and will never allow any interregional marriage,so he never wanted to indulge).She always claimed this guy to be some one who loves her very much yet I know sometimes he didn't receive the calls,sometimes if they had the arguments hardly apologized.They were having good time(I didn't feel it was though) meeting 3 to 4 times a year talking mostly everyday.Now she has a mutual break up(by the mean time the boy shifted in the other state where his family lives,not living with them) and me too have one break up just before hers(this is not my 1st one),she asked me how to deal with it and said since I have experience before,I can lead her in this.I really felt bad about this because I was really emotionally devastated this time still as a friend,she has the right and I didn't say her anything.I was there with her in these times and supported her decision and it is at this time she again mentioned her confusion about his marriage after so long.She is not all time true to me and I am very much aware of the fact and when there was a dual statement about his marriage,I was sure she was trying to hide something.Again one day he called her(as she said) after 1 month or so,she started how much they love each other,he loves her so much and so does she and all these.By the meantime after having break up she was seeing another guy with whom her family was fixing her marriage and somehow it got cancelled.While I had a break up, she was there with me (I accept it)but she even continued talking to my bf about a week without mentioning it to me , though trying to mend it but I could not take it that they were talking everyday,my bf asking to meet her without me and I din't know what could have happened ,I just prevented them( specially my bf) to talk and off course after that my bf stopped talking to me too( as he found me complex).My bf had revealed many things about himself to me after break up and she claims he did so because he had revealed those things to her.I know it is not right.I don't know if I have done right by preventing them.My problem is I used to get totally irritated when she claimed(while they were in relationship) she is lucky to be with her 1st love(though I agree that those with their 1st love are lucky) but it was so much unclear to me that i never wanted to hear it.She asked about my concern about their problems but its impossible for me to solve without knowing his boyfriend with whom i hardly ever talked.Now again when she got his call and started all these,I sat beside her blankly watching all other things.My life is not confined to her boyfriend problem, though I know I am her friend and should be there but her boyfriend is so much strange to me and have my own too.I have felt again and again that what she is trying to show is not everything so clear.I don't understand my irritation very well, why I get irritated when she repeats all these ?why I can't let her deal with herself and her bf ?why I can't see a true love in them?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, MugenTj  +, writes (18 July 2011):
 Try not to make this about you. I mean it is okay that you don't understand what is going with them. The problem is just that she comes to you listen to her problems, but she might not want you truly involved otherwise she would have told you everything clearly. What you can do is let them take care of their problems, in love or not? To the extend that time allow, keep trying to be a good friend to her and give her support, and be more involved when she really wants you to.
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