A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Nearly 10 months after I split from my ex-boyfriend and I am still struggling to come to terms with it. It was a mutual decision (kind of!) to split as we were drifting apart, but I was really hoping that we would resolve things.We got on so well. Certainly I haven't met anyone before or since who I have felt so strongly about. We did drive each other nuts at times and have our ups and downs but what couple doesn't at times?I think my ex-boyfriend was hoping we would work things out too, as around the time we broke up he was bombarding me with texts, yet he then went on to tell me he didn't think things were working out and little did I know at the time that I would never hear from him again. It made no sense whatsoever - why be really attentive, etc if you didn't want to see someone. This has devastated me as I was convinced he would come back in the end and we would settle down, marry and have kids like he wanted.I have dated since in an attempt to move on, but haven't met anyone I would want to pursue anything with.Neither of us has contacted the other since the split.I feel like I am caught in limbo though, because I don't know what the hell I'd want to do if he did get in contact. Part of me would be thrilled that he'd got back in contact, another part of me would be very angry at him as well.
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female
reader, lacrymosa_652 +, writes (18 October 2010):
 He was probably texting you initially as he may have still been missing you and regretting the relationship ending, even though he'd decided it was for the best.He maybe then felt it was time to move on and felt he was able to, and so cut off contact with you, so he could just focus on moving on.It sounds like you haven't fully accepted he's moved on and you're waiting for him to get back into contact and maybe you're hoping you'll get back together. Even though you've dated other people, you haven't been able to because you haven't really let go of your ex.Try and come to terms with the fact that your relationship is over. It won't be easy and yes it will hurt, but you have to accept it's over or you won't be able to move on.. you need to let go of him before you can move on. Try not to dwell on the past and what you had, just look to the future and know that eventually will come a point where you've moved on from your ex and you'll find someone new who will make you happy. But there's no need to rush into dating new people, spend time with friends and try and be happy being single for a while.Good luck on letting go of your ex, it'll easier once you've accepted that that's what you have to do.
A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (18 October 2010):
 As you know ten months is a long time and if he hasnt contacted you by now then its sounds like he may have moved on.
You need to stop waiting around for him as i know you might not think you are doing this but sub conciously you are and you need to remove your state of mind from him.
Im not sure what is the right advice to give you at this stage as am sure you have had enough time to let all of the upset out. Just tell yourself now that it is over and stop holding out for something that is not there. Dont date other people if you are not ready as it wont work out until you are 100% happy being independant.
Go out with friends and enjoy yourself, maybe pick up new hobbies and volunteer yourself to do some projects it will keep you busy and take your mind of things.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (18 October 2010): Did you acknowledge his pleas to reconcile? If not maybe he just got tired or might have interpreted your lack of reciprication as a final goodbye. Whatever the case sounds like he really wanted to remain your significant other. I don't know? That happened to me before and I was devastated because I thought my girl loved me the same. I still haven't managed to love another girl like her. I want her back but I'm just a ghost to her so I just don't reach out anymore for her because it just makes me hurt evenmore.
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