A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I WAS DATING A GUY FOR THREE YEARS. He was so nice and he surprised me with gifts and he was the best at first. WE LOVED EACH OTHER ALOT, WELL atleast i know i did. I found out later in the relationship that i had an std...called herpes. I passed it to him unknowingly. Well, at the time i found out i didn't tell him. But i later did. He forgave me and still loved me regardless. The guy would bring it up when we got in arguments. But for the most part he never brought it up and still loved me. Later on in the relationship he started to cheat and stay gone for days. So, he eventually went to jail for selling drugs and i left him, only because he had moved in with a white girl two weeks before he had to turn his self in to the police. A year later he got out of jail, i was single and going through some problems...and he called. Of course he came to see me with money in hand and great sex. So i fell into his arms again. .because i was staying with a friend and lonely. So, we stayed in a hotel for like a month. A month later we got a condo.and i moved all my furniture in out of storage. So, we ended up breaking up, over something so small,like a month later. It was just an excuse for him to leave. Well he moved out. A few days later, i was arrested and locked up for 15days in a southern races town..for violating probation..it was for unpaid traffic tickets from a car accident something so small. I called him thinking he would help me. But instead, he came back to our house and had sex with a girl in our bed. Never came to see me..never put money on the books or nothing. So, i got out of jail came home and my house was emptied. I was devastated. there was a porno left in the dvd player all my pic's where stuffed in a near by closet.My 6,000.00 bedroom set i paid cash for was gone..i paid cash for everything in the house. well i got him arrested for felony theft my taking ...and he served 18 months in jail..he has to do 3 years probation and pay me restitution. My ex just got out of jail and im in nursing school to be an rn, ive been so happy and at peace without him..I know that i hurt him in the ultimate way so i feel like i owe him my life or something. like i should always give him a chance because i gave him something he can never get rid of. I got herpes and I've only been in three relations and ive never been a wild woman..i only have sex with guys i date. im very picky...so why did this happen to me...but now i feel that he called me and it brought all the pain back. he told me he is living with a girl...just to hurt me i believe...and why do i care????? please help should i move on....or should i try to work things out with him?? he is like finish school and come get your man. I want him.but i know he will never be honest ...or faithful..and he won't stop selling drugs....im tired of him...???
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drugs, herpes, in jail, money, move on, moved in, moved out, my ex, player, porn, std Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (27 May 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks to everyone that answered my question. This is the first time i have been able to tell someone the whole truth of the matter. Out of all the responses, no one felt that i owed him anything because of the disease. I really can let go and not beat myself up anymore. I'm sure you all think people don't listen and will continue being stupid. But, this has really helped me bury the past for good. I'm never going to look back, I mean that from the bottom of my heart...
thanks so much for understanding..and not judging me!!! But helping me see that it is ok to keep going...
A
female
reader, DrPsych  +, writes (27 May 2009):
 After everything you have been through it is time to draw a line under that chapter in your life. You have made some unwise decisions in the past and learned some expensive lessons from them. I don't know why you are worrying about this 'bargain' of a man...he doesn't want an educated girl because that means he loses control of you if you become independent. Contracting herpes was partly bad luck and partly poor contraceptive practice - learn from that mistake.
You can carry on in college to restore your dignity avoiding this man like the plague, or you can go back to him like a victim. If you take him back you can expect years more of abuse because you would be sending him a clear message that he can do anything and everything to you without any real consequences for him. It is only a matter of time before you get a conviction for drug offenses if he is a dealer and you are living with him. You can then say good-bye to a nursing career, or any other kind of career. Lets face it, you showed good character and strength of personality in getting an education...now it is time to change your phone number so he cannot ring you and move on with your life.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 May 2009): I'm not going to judge him, I think Gina put it nicely.
I wont judge you as well.
Take this "small" piece of advice. Focus on "you". And no you don't want him, that is the lie you are telling yourself. You have your life finally in a steady fashion only to make it better, don't go back to the past and stop thinking about it. There is no future with this guy and you know it.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 May 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionwell actually i don't have a record....if you read what i wrote i said ...i had unpaid traffic tickets...so since when is that a record.???...secondly I'm focused as can be on school, and thats why i believe the devil is trying to distract me. I believe you are right about the fact that i do know the right answers...I just want confirmation and motivation...cause i can be weak sometimes...and only when im lonely...
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (27 May 2009): I didn't think you could be an RN with a record but maybe I'm wrong. I think part of you wants to not be successful and just throw it all away and go back to him. I think you know all the answers to your questions. I think your main problem is lack of commitment to your future and maybe lack of discipline in what it will take to actually get a Bachelor's degree so you're inventing crazy questions in life like they are actually good options, whatever.
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