A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I have been with my current boyfriend for almost a year now (anniversary is in a few days). It is in fact a long distance relationship, but we meet often.Anyway, I've always had this issue about him watching porn. Except this is a little different, I know he doesn't. When I asked him when the last time he watched porn was, he said in the first month we were together, and he stopped when we started to get more serious. He knows I am very against it (you don't have to agree), and he says he doesn't do it at all anymore. He always tells me how beautiful I am, and that he never has the urge to look at any girl anymore. We do get naughty on the phone and on webcam, and I send him pictures (not nudes, but just sexy ones). He seems pretty satisfied with me and he always lets me know that he is. It's long distance so I try my best to keep him happy, and since I love being naughty with him I don't mind it at all.But the problem is I always get paranoid as to whether or not he looks at porn, I trust him, but sometimes I wonder how I got so lucky with a man who is just completely attracted to me ONLY and who doesn't look at porn. Yeah that sounds silly, but these days it seems that it hard to find. He doesn't share my view that looking at porn while in a relationship is like betraying your partner, and he thinks there's nothing wrong with it, but he doesn't look at it because I asked him not to (the other night though something was brought up randomly and he said he understands why I don't like him looking at it).So how do I get over my own insecurities, when I think about it it's almost as though I get super paranoid and obsessed. He's very into computers so he is on his laptop a lot, and he could easily hide anything from me since he knows all the ins and outs of computers..I don't want to always be paranoid about this stuff, why can't I just fully trust him? He doesn't give me any reason not to trust him.
View related questions:
long distance, porn Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Miamine  +, writes (7 February 2011):
 Super paranoid and obsessed, in a long distance relationship so the man can't have no sex....
mmmmmmm.....
I don't think this relationship can last.
He could be telling the truth about pornography and screwing the woman next door... How will you ever know?
Yes, it's perfect possible he doesn't use porn, many men don't. But I'd be worried about if he actually has a high enough sex drive to maintain a sexual relationship.
A
male
reader, Cupid Boy +, writes (6 February 2011):
 It sounds like you may be creating your own problem here. Perhaps you've read too many porn horror stories on sites like this one. But that can give you a warped perspective on things because it's mostly the couples with problems who vent about it. There may in fact be lots of happy porn-free couples out there you never hear from.
You don't seem to worry about your bf gambling online, frequenting gay chat rooms, playing too many videogames, webcamming with other girls, etc., all of which he could be doing on his laptop when you're not there. For some reason, you've singled out porn, even though that is just one of many things that could stress a relationship... which makes me think this issue is mostly originating in your mind.
Say there was a guy paranoid about his gf flirting with other men. Actually, she's never done it around him and has never given him any reason to think she EVER does it at all. She knows how he feels and has promised never to do it. Yet he still worries about her flirting and as a result doesn't trust her. How would you advise him? Would you say he was being insecure and arbitrarily focusing on one issue for no particular reason?
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (6 February 2011): Women... never ask your men to STOP looking at porn. It won't happen.We've been watching porn since we were old enough to know what it was (around 11 onwards).It is never, I repeat NEVER, a judgement on you or what you do. It's simply allows us to quickly and easily jerk off, when full on sex might be impossible.Would you be up for sex literally five or six times per day? No? Well thats how much a healthy adult male requires it to satiate our desires.Now most of us are not stupid enough to expect that from someone we love. And as men, imagery and sounds are much easier than imagination, so we turn to ready made sexual images and sounds.The same way women might turn to vibrators and mechanical sex aids when normal sex just isn't option (men aren't really allowed sex aids, so porn is our vibrator).It is selfish in the extreme to ask someone to give up something that has been an integral part of their lives because you have a few sexual hang ups.If he IS looking at porn (highly likely) and is being as discreet as he can about it (masturbation is a private matter) then what the fuck do you care? It's you he bends over backwards for. Its YOU he lies with a night. Its YOU he would feel the most devastated by the loss of.Just chillax, talk to a counselor about why porn bothers you so much (particularly when it seems it goes out of it's way to be as unrealistic as possible).Sorry if this offends, but you are taking a ridiculous line here.Flynn 24
...............................
|
