A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:My girlfriend and I have been dating off and on for the last 2 years, I'm 23 and shes 22. When I first met her she said she wouldn't do "anything" unless she was in a relationship, which kind of got us dating really fast.I had only had sex 2 times in my entire life when I met her, with 2 different girls. When I finally asked her about her past (which took a while) she had been with 5 guys besides me, 2 boyfriends, and 3 one night stands. The thing that really got me was that she had sex with 2 different guys the weekend before she met me, and the 2nd one she doesn't remember what he looks like, or his name.So then I lied to her about how many girls I'd been with, saying 7, kind of to even things out....It has eaten at me for the last 2 years, and I wish I never would have asked. I've broken up with her numerous times, just to go try to catch up to her. I've had sex with 5 girls now, and fooled around with quite a few others. But I still think about alot, not as much as I used to, but too much.
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her past, one night stand Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (12 June 2012): Hi dudes. I've read this thread and I really respect and appreciate the honesty and candour of you guys. I'm in my late 30s, second marriage, only had 2 sexual partners including my present wife. I first met my present wife 19 years ago but we weren't to be. In between I married someone else and she went on to have 5 sexual partners I know of by asking her. So, when we reconnected and got together again, I asked her how many, who, etc. Eventually she got worn down by my jealousy and banned me asking about her past. For the most part I'm fine and just get on with life and don't think about it. But then something is said or something happens that triggers the negative feelings. For me, it's that she loved other men and enjoyed them. Yeah it hurts and what hurts the most is that I knew her before she'd met most of them. The best advice I can give is not to ask your GF about her past. Its best not to know. Live for the present.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 December 2010): Ok, I'm in a very similar situation as you. I met my gf when i was 18 and lost my virginity to her two weeks after being in college and a week after I met her. We both lived in dorms at my college. When i first asked about her sexual history she told me she lost it softmoore year to a guy older than her (highschool). I did not ask her out after we had sex. But instead thought about it for 4 weeks and then had sex again late one night. Two weeks later i found out she had sex with my next door neighbor in the dorms. THE GUY THAT SLEEPS TO MY BACK WITH A WALL BETWEEN US. Then i found out before i moved in that room (i lived in a room on campus for a week before i moved) she had sex with the guy that lived in my bed. I found this out 5 weeks later. Now it's been a year and two months since the first time. I hate that she did this and i know i can do better but i do care about her a lot. I've breakin up and gotin back together a couple times over this. She has not been with anyone else since. I feel like this is never going to leave me and i should break up with her now before this continues and find someone else
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (25 March 2008): I'm the guy who wrote this.... and you're all right. I need to just forget about it, I can't change it, and i'm not going to leave her for some other girl who has most likely done way more than she has. She's never yells or fights with me, and I trust her 100%...... But I just won't ever really like thinking that my girl was with someone else, but i'm sure there's a million other people who feel the same way, and deal with it
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A
male
reader, Collaroy  +, writes (24 March 2008):
 Hi,
You suffer from the 'sad loser syndrome' we see from a lot of men who write into this site. No doubt one of these will write a sympathetic post here at some stage telling you how life sucks these days as not all the girls out there are virgins.
The only advice I can give you is to either try and realise how pathetic you are being by judging your girlfriends past, or let her meet someone without the insecurities so she can at least have a normal life.
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A
male
reader, LazyGuy  +, writes (24 March 2008):
 Does the word hypocrisy ring a bell? Because you certainly suffer from it.
You had 2 girls, both one night stands since you slept with them only once.
Then since you started dating this girl you had 5 other girls (cheat much?)
That is 7 girls you have given a "sexual past".
You are just as bad as her, she was just better at it and started earlier.
Was she supposed to remain pure and virginal until she met you while you slept with those first two girls?
I can bring some sympathy for what you feel, but really, look in the mirror.
Don't expect to find much sympathy for double standards.
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A
female
reader, TELLULAH  +, writes (24 March 2008):
 Quite honestly you need to grow up. She did this before she met you and that makes it none of your buisness. Is she obsessed with your previous partners I wonder?
If you love this girl then let the past go, if you carry on playing tit-for-tat yopu may lose her completely. And what for? because she was honest with you.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (24 March 2008): Read this recent question and the replys by Yos and myself. We have both gone through the same thing that you are feeling and have posted our thoughts, experiences and how we have partially solved our feelings. The question differs from yours somewhat, but our answers are universal to this problem that some of us men have. The anon male is correct. You will never completely get over it, but it does not have to bother you ever day of your life.
http://www.dearcupid.org/question/i-would-not-have-married-her-had-i.html
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (24 March 2008): You can't get over it because you're male. It's natural to feel that way. Because natural selection wants you to prefer inexperienced females. They have less chance of STDs, there's less chance that she might already be pregnant with someone else's child, and there is less chance of her still being attracted to other ex-BFs and cheating with them.You didn't choose to feel this way. You probably feel guilty for feeling this way because you rationally know it's not right. But you can't ever turn off the feelings no matter how much you hate having them. You will never outgrow them either. You will just be bothered by these feelings every single day for the rest of your life.
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