A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:It's 2 in the morning and I'm wide awake thinking about a guy I shouldn't be thinking about. The logical/rational part of me knows this is ridiculous so i can't figure out why I can't stop thinking of him. I met him online almost a year ago. We talked for months everyday for hours on end. I had my doubts about online dating but he seemed so normal, so nice. So we made plans to meet for coffee and everything was fine. We continued to talk and he wanted to see me again so we made plans. Plans he ended up canceling last minute. I decided to forgive him for that because things do come up. He asked me out again, again I agreed and again he canceled last minute. You would think I would have learned from this and moved on but no. Part of me still kept hoping I could see him again. After this we didn't talk as much. Maybe once a week or so. And he kept saying he wanted to go out and made plans without setting a date. I know it would have been smart to ignore him but I didn't. I wanted to see him and I wanted what he said to be true. But of course he didn't mean them and nothing ever happened. Then he disappeared altogether. But a few months later I still cannot forget about him and it's driving me crazy that icant see to be able to move on from him. I should be able to but I can't. He's still in my mind even though I'm dating someone now that wants to be with me and this guy acted like a jerk. So what's wrong with me???
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reader, anonymous, writes (5 August 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you all for your answers. They were all exactly what I needed to hear.
A
female
reader, Lexie88  +, writes (5 August 2011):
 Nothing is wrong with you!
I was you about a year ago. I met Dan online and he seemed so great. We clicked. He made me feel awesome. We met up a week after first getting in contact and to me, it was 'magic.' I for some reason thought I'd met the one (stupid, I know). He went away for a month (military) and we spent almost every night on the phone. Talking about the future, our hopes, dreams. But when he came back something changed. He flaked on me a few times and then just said he couldn't see me anymore...wasn't ready for a relationship apparently.
I was devastated. I thought that this was it. I had made plans for the future and he was a big part of them.
So I obsessed. And obsessed even more. I searched for answers and thought of every possible reason he 'left' me. I then met someone else (a genuine, nice, well-rounded guy) and we started dating. Every now and again I would remember Dan and my obsessive thoughts returned.
It took me some time but I realised that I wasn't obsessing over Dan. I didn't know him, I had no idea who he was. I was obsessing over the fact that I didn't know why he left, why he chose to dump me. And the same applies to you. I think you want answers, not the guy.
You'll probably go over many scenarios in your head...but you will most likely never know what happened with this guy.
If you can accept the fact that he just wasn't right for you then you should be well on your way to letting it go.
How did I let go? I found out through a friend that I was a rebound for Dan. Everything made sense to me then. His enthusiasm, his 'sweep you off your feet' manner, his future plans. Knowing this made it easy to let go.
I'm still with the guy I met after Dan and I couldn't be happier.
If it helps at all, I can tell you from my experience that I obsessed over a fantasy version of Dan I created in my mind. You're probably doing the same. You didn't get a chance to get to know him well and your mind filled in the blanks, making him the perfect catch. Now that he's gone, your fantasies are gone too and you can't stop thinking about him.
It's ok to go a little crazy. But don't let it ruin your current relationship. You have a real guy in front of you, don't let that go. The online guy is not thinking about you...stop thinking about him and give your current guy the attention he deserves.
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A
male
reader, mistborn22 +, writes (5 August 2011):
I dont think anything is wrong with you at all, internet dating can be sly and devious sometimes, "real" people are not profiles, text on a cell phone or a voice your talking to, people are much more complicated than that.Until you actualy meet in person and take it face to face your kind of off in fantasy land.Some people have no intentions of ever taking it face to face or they cant...here are some reasons in my opinion why.1. They're involved in a relationship already.2. They're in it for the ego trip.3. They have to many pans in the fire, this actualy happens alot, more so with those that are considered attractive it would seem.4. They are social hermits, online they can talk the talk.5. And finaly...they probably are suffering from some ???? disorder and are just plum crazy!Everyone you meet online isn't like these examples, there are a lot of people just like you and me! but personaly I think the inmates are running the prison..lol Time heals all wounds and what it doesnt heal it locks away in the closet.
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (5 August 2011):
 It's very simple. Rejection makes you crazy. This is a guy who you developed feelings for who you met once and then he started cancelling, then disappearing.
Always when our ego takes a hit, we want to know why. Our inability to accept rejection causes us to obsess...and obsess....and obsess some more. Indeed, you found someone new, yet your obsession makes you absolutely crazy.
You have to let it go. Let this guy go, and let his disappearing act go. It happens to the best of us, internet or no. You can't move on because rejection is making you crazy. You have to stop obsessing over yourself too and what you could have possibly done to "turn him off", so to speak. I'm guessing that the reason he left had nothing to do with you.
You must focus on good things going for you and not allow this guy to trip you up. You must come to grips with and negate this obsession. You are in a better place, and there's a guy now who *is* interested in you. If you continue obsessing over this other guy, you'll do to this new guy what the other guy did you to -- you'll check out.
So mentally scrape the internet guy out of your mind like you scrape gum off your shoe. There's enough stupidity in life without obsessing over a clear loser.
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A
female
reader, Dorothy Dix +, writes (5 August 2011):
Hi there. The first thing that comes to mind is - could he be married?
He wouldn't mention something like that over the internet to you, because he'd know you wouldn't get involved with him.
However, it would certainly explain why he makes plans and then cancels out on you. Which could be guilt.
Being married could well be the reason he has backed off altogether now, because he could have been a bit bored with his life back then, and visited the dating website, to see what it was like - and he met you.
He might not be married either, and you'll probably never know which it is.
If he isn't married, it might just be that he is wary of internet dating and has some doubts as to what he could be getting himself in for. These doubts would go through most people's minds in that situation.
Some food for thought.
It now seems that he was visiting the site to entertain himself, but got a bit scared when it looked like becoming real.
If he is actually married, well then he has done the right thing by backing off before it became complicated.
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