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female
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anonymous
writes: Hi why cant i have an orgasm?Im 27 and have been with my husband for 10 years married for 2, i just cant seem to have an orgasm, he is a very considerate lover spends a lot of time on foreplay (a lot of time) but no matter how much i try to relax nothing really happens for me, this is driving my husband mad, i do like sex but what am i doing wrong, as i dont think its him as i love him very much and he is a fantastic lover am i frigid?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 September 2008): I am a 22 year old female I have been with boyfriend for 6 years and he has never made me organsm. I can make myself come in seconds when I do it myself without toys or anything. But for some reason I cannot come through sex, oral or penitrative! We have sex regually (a few times a week) and I do enjoy this inimacy and my bloke is 'great' in bed, he has a large penis, creative, really really fit and I couldn't fault his effort.
The thing is, my boyfriend thinks I orgasm and I can't face telling him after 6 years of fake orgasims that actually I'm one great big actress. He knows I sometimes sort myself out after sex which he doesn't seem to mind, but I would love to climax during sex. Help!
A
female
reader, josieevans  +, writes (4 September 2008):
hi i am a 23 year old female. and i have never ever climaxed i have been with my partner for 5 years and like i hear from some of u is very very attentive we will foreplay for hours but still nothing i cannot even make myself orgasm i dont really ever think about it anymore bcos i just figure its not goin to happen i tried buying a sex toy as my sister has one and said she climaxes all the time with it and my boyfriend havent had sex anymore than 3 times in the last year because sex for me is just waiting for my boyfriend to finish now and its boring! i dont know whats wrong with me anyone have any ideas?
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 November 2007): i had the same problem but now what i do is while my husband is "pleasing me" i fantasize about something that turns me on and try not to focus on the fact that i cant climax and it works
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 December 2006): I feel the same way as you do. But i have learned the bes t way is to sit on him while he is on his feet and hands sitting up kindof and just make your clitoris rub on his lower ab area it works
Good Luck
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 September 2006): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThankyou all for your advice
X
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A
male
reader, Mr S +, writes (1 September 2006):
 Hi
I hope you don’t mind an answer from a mans point of view. I would say that this problem you both have must be a very upsetting for you both, a man that cannot fulfil his partner will feel inadequate and if you love him this will also lead to you felling inadequate as a woman However, you are not the only woman that has this problem it is quite wide spared, there are many woman that cannot orgasm with a man. This dose not mean that either of you are inferior or there is anything amiss.
Unfortunately the more you dwell on the problem the bigger the problem will become and with the increase in tension and anxiety the less likely you are to reach a climax.
If this is becoming a major problem to you both then I would suggest that you consult your Family GP for advice. The GP would be able to rule out any physical cusses and get you a consultation with a sex therapist if necessary.
Your family GP will help and I assure you he will have heard worse. He can help Don’t be embarrassed it will be worth it in the long run. Many sexual problems such as yours are often caused through anxiety or hang-ups this is a vast and complex area and needs careful handling (No pun intended) by an expert in order to get the best results, a therapist will help you unwind and understand what is needed to reach a climax. Remember the more you worry about this problem the less likely a climax will be.
Good Luck
To yourself be true
Mr S
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A
female
reader, xxxsoulsistaxxx +, writes (1 September 2006):
 I have exactly the same problem as you: I have never had an orgasm with a man, but I can do it to myself if 10 seconds! It's just one of those things I must accept: I'm just too good at doing it to myself, how will anyone ever compare to how I know my own body? They can't.
Although he does try, it upsets him too. But women just aren't made the same as men. To make babies, we don't have to come so I guess it wasn't high on God's list when he was designing us!
Relaxing is my main issue, I think, so maybe try to do that more. And instead of going straight for the most sensitive spot, try the area around it, I sometimes find it a bit too intense to come (if that makes sense!)
At the end of the day, you have to accept this and so does your husband. If he thinks he's made other women come so how hard can it be, he's wrong, they probably faked it anyway! We're just not made that way and only we know our bodies. I wonder whether you masturbate? Do you know your own body enough?
Good luck and just enjoy it!
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A
female
reader, smeedle +, writes (1 September 2006):
 Have you had other sexual partners or is this man your first, if so you may have very limited experience of techniques and positions etc, I would try looking at "educational" DVD`s and do some internet research, both of you were young when you got together and maybe it is just because you have not had other sexual partners as we do tend to learn from each partner how to please and what we enjoy, dont enjoy etc.
Is there anything lurking in your past like sexual abuse, lack of self esteem something that maybe giving you a mental block.
Finally not all women orgasm with intercourse, some orgasm with foreplay only and some just dont orgasm at all unless they are masterbating themselves, it does not make you abnormal.
Carry on having fun trying different ways and relax one day it will happen but not while it is the main issue on yours and your husbands mind, chill and it will!!
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