A
female
age
22-25,
anonymous
writes:I'm struggling to understand why I can't seem to develop strong feelings for guys. I have crushes, but they're always for the guys I can't have. The minute I get into a relationship or feel myself going into one I immediately go off them and run away. I've only ever slept with one guy, it was terrible. though I'm pretty sure that was more because he was just bad in bed.I've had crushes on girls before too though I wouldn't count myself as gay. I've never been with a girl but I imagine I'd do the same thing and run away as soon as we became anything more than friends.I feel like I can't relate to the girls my age that constantly talk about boys. I can handle about five minutes of it and then I start daydreaming. My friends hate me for it lol. so, i guess I'm just wondering if there's something wrong with me, or if I just haven't found the right guy yet. Any advice would be great at this point.
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female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (15 October 2018):
 You can't FORCE feelings, OP
And you can't FORCE being ready or mature enough for wanting to date and be in a relationship.
I was a slow poke when it came to the dating game, I had lots of male friends and just didn't SEE the point in dating. It wasn't until I met my first BF (at 19) that I decided well, MAYBE there is something to it! And we were together for the next 4 1/2 years.
MANY of my female & male friends were dating at 15-16, one even got married at 18! I just wasn't interested and I wasn't ready.
Nothing wrong in that.
I DID have crushes GALORE on guy before that time but it was always from afar. So all, fantasy basically. Because? Maybe that was all I was "mature enough for"?
I'm not calling you immature, but I just don't think you are ready. You even had sex, I think.... because EVERYONE else did it and you thought you should too. Don't be a sheep. Go at your own pace. Be social, get to know people guys and girls. Take your time. At some point you WILL meet someone who just stands out, who wants to get to know you etc. etc.
There is NO rush.
A
female
reader, Andie's Thoughts +, writes (15 October 2018):
 You haven’t found any right guys because you run away. Spend time with guys you could have, not ones you can’t.
Bear in mind that you could have been just as bad in bed as that guy you slept with, so don’t just blame him - sex goes both ways and communication is key in improving any sex life.
Maybe you’re not ready for a serious relationship, but that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t start casually dating someone - whilst agreeing to be exclusive, just not super serious yet. You need to learn how not to run away and how to be interested in guys who aren’t off-limits.
There’s nothing wrong with you; it’s just habit.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 October 2018): You may be sexually-conflicted, and just not ready for a serious relationship with anybody. There is nothing wrong with you; unless you never outgrow it.
From your teens to your early twenties; you're more likely to experience a series of relationships that have little true meaning. Just trial-relationships to stretch your emotional-muscles; and to experiment with forming romantic connections. Most of them may not be that serious. They will be crushes, or short-lived romances. That's okay! That's why we date. To satisfy the natural urge to pair-off, but not all of them will be for keeps.
You haven't actually figured-out your "type" per-se. As you mature and have gained more experience; you have to become more discerning to determine your best match. Practice how to maintain longer and more complex romantic-relationships. Allow yourself to enjoy the fulfillment of giving and taking within a loving-relationship. You're still working on your sexual-orientation. Take your time. It's puzzling at first.
At your age, not many are sure of themselves. You're still developing emotionally and psychologically; and in some developmental areas you might be a little slower that others. That's not necessarily a bad thing.
You're experimenting with sexuality; but you also need to experiment with allowing your feelings to form real attachments. You will never figure-out how to have a real relationship until you get some practice. Chill-out and see what happens if you stick-around for a bit. Be it good or bad. Nothing ventured, nothing gained!
You can't be afraid of liking people; or fear they might stop liking you! You can't stay satisfied with a crush, because there's no real challenge to it. Letting fantasy create what you want; but not allowing reality to fulfill it. You can't enjoy the cake just picking at crumbs or sticking your finger in the icing. You have to take a bite!
Get a mouthful of it, and decide how much you like it!
You can't go through life feeling indifferent to people; then you might have some issues that might need attention. I think you're too young to be worrying about that just yet.
You just haven't met anyone who really touches you emotionally; and be that the case, it's just a matter of time. Running from things and not knowing why is usually due to emotional-immaturity. If you never figure out why; then you'll need to seek professional help.
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