A
female
age
,
anonymous
writes:Hi, I have been single for twenty years and dating for ten, long years. I dated on and off, because of the bad experiences. I have dated a lot of men, who have commitment issues, some with intimate issues, not being truthful with what they really want. I met a man a month ago and had two great dates. We have a lot in common, want the same things, and was honest. For the last month life has gotten in the way of us getting together. Two times due to health issue and his oldest was in a car accident. I totally understood. He had to be a Dad, since their mother passed. This past weekend I thought we were going to get together. I was a little upset. We are in contact on a daily basis either text or calling. I did mention being lonely. I am usually not that open about my emotions, but felt it was ok, since he mentioned it himself. I have sent a few texts and even learns voice mail. I am at a loss. Did I do something wrong, by being hones ?Or is he losing interest with not seeing me for three weeks? I really thought I found a nice and honest man. He has three kids. Two of the kids are adults and the baby is a preteen. I understand his kids come first, my kids did, when they were at home. Is he being a jerk, not interested in me or just busy? Or did I screw it all up.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 October 2018): I would drop him like a stone back into the dating pool and understand that you don't know this man well at all.I don't understand how you could expect anything on such a small amount of interaction and I would hazard to say that it was only a socialisation experience for both of you.An expression of the human need to share a meal or social event.This man is busy trying to deal with his own issues.Cleopatra herself would probably send him from her court as his commitments lie elsewhere and the time is not correct for him to develop any emotional attachments as he is totally unavailable emotionally for his own personal reasons.He is probably considering entering a monastry but is too busy with his daily life to even have time for spiritual development.Treat yourself to kindness and recognise that many people are emotionally unavailable and not looking for a connection with anyone at all!
A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 October 2018): It was only a few dates, and maybe it was just a casual thing for him. He's wrapped-up in his kids; and maybe he isn't really taking dating that seriously at the moment. He probably got lonely, and figured he'd dabbled in dating; but isn't looking for a relationship. Just some female-companionship.
Divorced or widowed mature-men tend to be wary of long-term serious relationships shortly after separation from their spouses. His kids are probably purposely distracting him from dating; because they're still holding-on to their grief, and trying to decide when they think it's appropriate for him to date. So guilt may play a big part of it!
I wouldn't take this connection too seriously, and just play it by ear.
Don't leave too many messages, giving him any sense of your desperation. He's old enough to know what courtesy is; and out of the three kids, the youngest would still be holding-onto grief for his or her mother. Purposely demanding attention, and actively resisting any intrusion on their household from another woman.
If he hasn't discussed this with you, he's not very considerate; and I wouldn't offer him too much benefit of the doubt. Ignoring you for three weeks without a response is inexcusable; and you shouldn't be waiting around wringing your hands, hoping for some kind of response. Being ignored speaks volumes to me. It's very disrespectful.
He doesn't deserve another week of your time. Busy or not, it takes two minutes to let you know if he's indisposed; and to offer you the courtesy of a simple apology.
Should he happen to call out of the blue; shortly after you've read these posts. Please suggest to him that you'd find it polite to let you know if he's too busy, or not interested. Be dignified, don't be angry or short. Just let him know you do deserve simple courtesy.
Never presume it upon yourself that you've done something wrong; when someone else shows you rudeness. Don't make excuses for him, allow him to explain himself. That's how decent classy adults treat each other.
He's starting-off on the wrong foot! An accident that didn't end in a tragedy doesn't excuse his three-week silence!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 October 2018): I am curious as to how you met him, was it online dating? The thing is that is all you did do, you dated a couple of times, I say this a lot on here but men just don't like communicating by text or calls, I don't know any that are as into it as women.I think you need to just let him contact you now and see if he instigates meeting up. You could just meet for a coffee even if life gets in the way and you can't go on a proper date.But it is hard to second guess, if you met him online who knows he might be dating other women, getting on doesn't automatically mean he won't get on with others. It could simply be his life is getting in the way and he feels he can't at the moment. But you have done what you can and now you just have to let it be and see if he picks the baton back up. Best of luck
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (15 October 2018):
 Could be that life is in the way, still.
If so, I'd just back off and do your own thing.
Can also be that your saying you are lonely made him run a mile as he is afraid you might be clingy.
It's really impossible to tell.
However, it's only been 3 weeks, so I would dial down the expectations.
He might WANT the same things as you, but that doesn't mean he wants them with you.
And you both still have to get to know one another, IF he is still interested.
So go about your life, do your things, live life and IF he picks up the slack and starts communicating and you still want to get to know him, just GO slow.
Where is the fire?
As for whether you made a mistake by being honest? That is impossible to know, texts (even calls) are easy to misunderstand when you don't REALLY know the other person.
I'd give him a week to get back to you, if he doesn't move on.
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