A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I am not happy and don't know what to do. I was internet dating for 5 years and met lots of men who lie and cheat and finally met a really nice guy who is introvert and doesn't soclialise. At first this didnt bother me as I got him all to myself and he didnt flirt or talk to other women and didnt have any baggage ie ex wife or children.Two years down the line and he doesnt like pubs or crowded places and when he meets my friends or family he doesnt say much as he has very little confidence unless with me on a 1:1 or with his family. Our sex life is not too good as he is very inexperienced and it is quite wooden. I have made suggestions we read material together to guide him and talk to him with plenty of gentle praise and encouragement but it just doesnt come easy to him and I think this may be due to excessive porn watching in the past and very few relationships/experience with women I like the fact I trust him and he is gentle and kind but I dont know if this is enough. I feel bored a lot of the time as he is doesnt like to do much apart from go for walks or very occasionally go out to a cafe or restaurant. He doesnt earn much money either so treats are very few and far between and I often pay for anything we do. I feel sad as I want to be with someone I can trust and I have been cheated on several times in the past and this destroyed me. Any ideas on how to overcome this and make myself happier with him. He says he is really happy with me and cant believe he has met someone like me. I do find him attractive but would say I love him but am not deeply in love with him. I really wish things were different.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, GG96  +, writes (29 January 2011):
The answer is simple. You're bored. You want some excitment, and your boyfriend is unsociable and quiet, so he doesn't introduce you to interesting people or do fun things. He doesn't make very much money, so he can't take you on an adventure.
My advice is, if you want to change yourself, fine. Your just going to have to get used to your relationship. It will take time.
This is what I would do. You should be the fun one. Introduce him to friends and hint at how you would really like to go to that new restaurant or go clubbing. If you do those things and he still acts unsociable, pull him aside and say you want to do this and you love him, but he has to pull it together and socialize.
A
female
reader, GG96 +, writes (29 January 2011):
The answer is simple. You're bored. You want some excitment, and your boyfriend is unsociable and quiet, so he doesn't introduce you to interesting people or do fun things. He doesn't make very much money, so he can't take you on an adventure.
My advice is, if you want to change yourself, fine. Your just going to have to get used to your relationship. It will take time.
This is what I would do. You should be the fun one. Introduce him to friends and hint at how you would really like to go to that new restaurant
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (29 January 2011): ITs a trade off. You say you have been cheated on in the past and you know better than anyone how hurtful and diminishing that can be. Compare that with the boredom (which is essentially what you are feeling with this guy). It might get dull but from what you say, it seems like you can trust this man completely and that, in this day and age is priceless.
I completely understand where you are coming from. I am in a relationship EXACTLY like it and a few yers ago I had the same problem. I love my partner- he treats me with respect and I come first for him with most things. However, he is so anti social. He hates doing pretty much anything but thankfully he likes to hang out in cafes!
I think that we are both lucky in that we got really good men. Trust worthy, loving, loyal etc. They just happen to be on the dull side. I think all things considered, we don't have much of a problem and the answer to this is to accept their little quirks and just be grateful they arent out there flirting with other women or disrespecting us.
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