A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I do not understand why it is almost expected of women to degrade themselves to please men when men won't do the same for us. Men's minds are so poisoned by the porn industry that they think it is NORMAL for women to take it in the ass and so on. I often do what I find degrading (such as having a dick jammed down my throat, taking his cum on my face, and getting penetrated in the ass) because I like turning on my boyfriend. But when I ask him to let me do him in the ass with a strap-on, or even in his mouth, he immediately refused and said that it's degrading. Why is it that he won't do it knowing that it turns me on? Why do I have to do stuff that I find degrading to turn him on and he won't do the same for me?? Am I right to be pissed off here?
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male
reader, Sailor__67  +, writes (22 December 2008):
Oh Grow-Up...
Sorry, but the lights have gone out in fragile, Victim town and the tumble weeds are blowing down Whimp street.
It's time to graduate to Adults-ville.
In Adultsville people are free to decide their likes and dislikes, to partake in the pursuits of their own volition, and to decide to decline with a simple thanks, but no thanks, to those that hold no interest.
In Adultsville, people don't assume that because someones tastes differ from their own, that the other persons tastes are somehow wrong or right, better or worse any more than liking chocolate or vanilla icecream is wrong or right. Just different.
In Adultsville, some occupants even decide to try things they are not sure if they will like, just to see if maybe they do, fantastic! if not, they decide oh well, others may like it and that's great for them, but I guess it's just not for me.
And with that Noddy and Big Ears lived happily ever after.
A
male
reader, previasc96  +, writes (19 August 2008):
Porn does make people more perveted, but you shouldn't do something you're totally against to please your boyfriend. And your boyfriend is an insensitive ass, if he doesn't make sure you're okay with it. Also, you're boyfriend isn't open minded, but you shoulda found that out before you let him drill your bum. He is sitting on gold cuz not many girls are willing to wear a strap-on, much less fanticize bout it. He has no idea how pleasurable anal could be... he's missing out!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 July 2008): I get the impression from your post that you expected everyone to agree with you. However, I am going to agree with everyone else.
You have the choice to say no. The blame lies with you, not porn. Show some assertiveness instead of just allowing it to happen and then complaining about it. Clearly you've chosen the wrong guy if he insists on doing the things that turn him on and not the things that turn you on.
Stop moaning and actually do something about it - you're allowing yourself to be degraded.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 July 2008): You are with the wrong guy - mine would never ever expect me to do something I didn't want. He is intent on my pleasure only. Don't blame porn.
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A
male
reader, Collaroy  +, writes (18 July 2008):
 Hi,
you have free will, you can say no and find another boyfriend, one who doesnt want to degrade you.
It really is as simple as that.
The porn industry is not to blame....sorry,but you can make your own decisions without passing on the buck.
Tell him no, and if he won't then leave.
Easy.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 July 2008): Lots of women have turned down anal sex, why haven't you? there's no point getting angry and pointing thr blame elsewhere as its your fault. Learn to stick up for yourself and say no
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 July 2008): What makes me sad is you sound like you resent the whole thing and it sounds the opposite of loving, more a bit aggressive. It suspect you may not be very happy with this portrayal of how sex should be as shown in the media. Please make sure you find your own level. You may get some benefit from readin a website called Object, which is against the over-sexualisation of women. Not because we should be ashamed of our sexuality but because the current way that women are portrayed is stressful and robs us of self-worth in many other ways. Such as being loving individuals, intelligent and acheiving great things for this world. Stop performing and be yourself, you don't have to live up to this horrible and course vision of us as though we are puppets.
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A
male
reader, Replacement +, writes (18 July 2008):
 Well, yes, porn definitely plays a role in shaping what young men find arousing (that's why so many emulate it in the bedroom and fail miserably at pleasing their women). Porn has normalized heterosexual anal sex and "cumshots", there's really no denying that. Young teenagers find this stuff when they are developing sexually, and for many it is the only real sex education they get (beyond the 'wear a condom, pee-pee goes in the hoo-ha, stay abstinent' crap in the school system). BUT... you don't have to play along. He may expect you to degrade yourself, but you DO have a right to say no. Stop doing those things that you hate, and try to teach your boyfriend (who sounds quite careless about your sexual pleasure) how to please YOU- NOT by degrading himself, but by touching you in the right ways and having sex in the right positions. An unbalanced sex life like yours leads to resentment and pain, it's not worth pursuing. Don't devalue yourself, change the dynamic. Good sex is based on mutual respect, understanding of one another's bodies and open, honest communication. Doesn't sound like there is much of that going on in your bedroom. That's the problem.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 July 2008): Well, I think you yourself are as much to blame as the porn industry! I have NEVER met a man who thinks it's 'normal' for a woman to take it up the ass. In letting him do these things, you are to blame: If you don't want him in your ass, then say NO. If you don't want his cum all over your face, then say NO.If you don't want his dick jammed down your throat, then say NO.Simple, really.
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A
male
reader, LazyGuy  +, writes (18 July 2008):
 You apparently think of these things as degrading, yet for some reason still do them. Did the porn industry come to your house and put a gun against your head?
These practices been around for hundreds of years, long before there was any porn industry to speak off.
That he refuses to do things, that you seem to think are degrading, in turn suggest at least one thing, that if you don't want to do something sexual you can say no. He says no, why don't you?
You don't have to do things you find degrading but doing them and then purposfully asking him to return the favor it starts to sound like you would be in a downward spiral constantly trying to find things to do that the other hates.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 July 2008): You have been stupid. You choose to do things you feel degrading because you want to please your boyfriend. Your boyfriend has more respect for himself and chooses to refuse. The problem is yours, not his. If you choose to allow men to degrade you, don't get upset that they have more sense than you.
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A
male
reader, DoubleM +, writes (18 July 2008):
 Certainly you have every right to be pissed-off about your chosen boyfriends and somewhat disappointed in your ability to choose whom are best in your life.
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