A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hello, lately, I’ve been feeling guilty, ashamed, and confused. I’ve never told my parents because I was afraid they would shame me or not believe me. It happened when I was 15. I was shy, quiet and innocent. At school, there was a math teacher I had a crush on. The teacher was a much respected at the school and his community. He was known as the man who “couldn’t hurt a fly”. The teacher I will name Mr. Hank for safety reasons. He was 56 yrs. When I had him as a teacher, I knew something was wrong in my gut. I had always felt uncomfortable around him. Strangely, he acted identical to a teenager whenever around other teenagers. However, when another adult was around he would act appropriately. He would flirt with my friend but when she moved out he started focusing on me. Mr. Hank was a very strange man; he would stare at not only girls but boys too. I would many times doubt if he was in the closet/gay. Oddly, he goes to Lgbt meetings yet makes ridicule of homosexuals to appear “cool” in his class. I felt very confused by this man when it came to his sexuality. He figured since I was quiet that I would not tell anyone about his inappropriate behavior. At that time, my hormones were at work. I hated and loved the attention from an older man. He treated me differently than other teachers. I had all the freedom in his class and I could tell him my secrets; he really did seemed liked he cared for me. He would tell me how I was smart, talented, and perfect. Though, there were many inappropriate experiences. In class, I had been sitting next to a boy. The boy had brought up corporal punishment and how “jokingly”, teachers should go back to spanking students. I started giggling at the thought of my middle aged teacher getting angry and beating us. However, Mr. Hanks perceived my giggles in a sexual matter (twisted it in his mind so that it meant something dirty). When the laugh died off Mr. Hanks turned to look at me. He had smiled/leered at me in a sexual nature. I immediately felt shy and nervous. I’ve never seen a man’s eyes look at me in such provocative way. His eye read, literally, “you naughty girl.” After that look I felt so embarrassed that he had twisted/perceived my giggles in a perverted way. I felt ashamed and dirty like I was to blame. Another experience (1 of many) was the last day of school. It was practically only me and him in the class with exception of one person sitting in the back of classroom reading a book. He was chatting with me like we were friends; he told me personal things about his mother and how his father died in his 30’s. He saw our chatting as an opportunity to physically get closer to me. Before I knew it he was close to me and looking at me. I then realize his eyes were not on my face but my breast. He made sure I noticed. He then gave another one of those pervy smiles. It felt like butterflies were turning in my stomach. As if, I wanted to throw up. The school bell rang and he told me to bring him pictures of myself. There’s more but I just feel I need to get it out of my system. I’ve been so depressed about this. It made me realize there are sick people out there. And most of all, it makes me angry that someone with his position/ authority would do that to a young student. He’s been teaching for more than 25 yrs and he’s the head department of chair and contributes greatly to his community such as helping preserving trees and donations. Why are there people out there like this?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 October 2012): I could be wrong, but It all sounds a little exaggerated to me. I mean, you said you had a crush on him, and when people have a crush on someone, its easy to misinterpret things like a look, or a smile, or even an action, to be intended in a way that it wasn't.
For example - I had a crush on my female art teacher when I was 15, it seemed to me she used to walk by my table and keep an eye on my work more than she did other pupils. At the time "Because of my love struck mind set over her" I'd figure its because maybe she likes me more than other pupils in the class (Duh me). It wasn't until one day she pulled me on my own and asked me had I ever considered taking up a career in Graphic Design because she considered me to have an above average talent with drawing etc, than others in my class, that I realized she was likely keeping more of a close eye on my work progress because it stood out from the others.
Basically when you have a crush on someone, it clouds your judgment of that person, and teenage girls are known to be over-dramatic about everything anyway lol.
If however its true, then obviously his professional misconduct would need to be brought under investigation. But tell me one thing, why has he never had any reports put in against him by other pupils or parents when he's been teaching kids and teenagers for over 20 years and he's a well respected figure in the education world?
If a teacher is dodgy, then sooner or later he/she is bound to slip up and something will leak, and hence the teacher would be in deep "water". You hear about it a lot. Its not very often a perverted teacher or any pervert for that matter would go undetected over the span of an entire career or even a lifetime without something being exposed about them. He's was in his 50's when he was teaching you, I'd say he's nearing the retirement of a very successful career, to then go and pursue his personal hobbies.
Why bring this up now, and what exactly are you hoping to achieve by doing so?
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