A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Why are the the guys I date depressed? I've been severely depressed before for years but I am no longer depressed and have not been in about 4 years. Now I am happy, and I like going out and living my life..going and exploring new areas, learning about new things, trying new things. I also enjoy staying in and playing guitar, watching a movie, or reading a book. But every guy I start dating, whether it is serious or not, I soon find out they are depressed...whether they tell me with words or through their actions. It bothers and hurts me because I want to stay with them and help them and be there for them, but due to their depression, they never really want to go out and do anything. I can't even think of one person I have dated who was NOT depressed. I am really falling in love with this new guy I am seeing, but he recently told me how his life was going. He lives below the poverty line, can't afford to do everything he wants, but also doesn't even have the desire to do the things he once enjoyed. He told me his day usually consists of him laying around and taking naps and that his back has been in pain for 10 years from a skateboarding injury and sometimes parts of his body feel numb. It breaks my heart to hear him talk like this. I am torn as to whether I should try to pursue a serious relationship with him, or let him go. Of course I want the relationship, but I know being depressed, he may not be able to give me what I want. I don't want to continue coming over to his place to comfort him and never going out to do something, as that will only hurt me in the long run and leave me feeling like something was missing. What should I do in this situation? Should I tell him I want more or is that only going to stress him out more (he lost his car this week and his roommate quit his job and since he can't pay the rent for both of them they are going to be evicted).
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female
reader, southern.soul.of.love +, writes (1 August 2014):
I understand. I'm in a semi similar situation, but the guys isn't depressed anymore. I was depressed off and on for a period of time, but then through excercise and God I made it through like a champion. Now I feel blessed and amazing and I will never get back to that place.Depressed or down people are attracted to "the light" or happy joyous people. Sometimes they indirectly leech themselves on to whomever gives them attention. If you're like me sometimes you may take on others people problems, especially that of a guy we like. I'm compassionate and loving and have too much empathy at time (probably the pisces in me).But as I've gotten older I've learned that you can't take on other people's problem. You're young you shouldn't feel responsible for his happiness. You can love him from afar by praying for him, giving him advice via phone when needed, and just being a positive influence by being a good example of getting over depression, being happy and trying new things. I find that depressed guys like these come in a few forms. 1.) He's depressed and he sucks your energy, uses you, takes your positivity and light to try and help himself, but doesn't give the same type of positiveness and support back. THIS TYPE IS A NO NO. I was with this type last year and he brought me to my lowest point in life ever. He was very negative, always complaining, but didn;t have the mental capacity to make him dreams happen at the time. 2.) He's depressed or was depressed, but it trying to be better. And he's very loving and caring and uses your energy and postiveness as spring board to build back his confidence and joy. Though he may be broke and not have much he does lots of small stuff that is very thoughtful and makes you so happy... so you feel okay about helping him in the ways you can. My main point is don't take on his problems. Pray for him and give him advice from time to time. As a woman you need a man that builds you up and makes you feel loved and makes you a better person. Be the type of person you want to meet and you'll meet them. Continue to tyr new things, go to new places, be social and active and widen your sense of being. Soon enough you'll be attracting the types you want. PS- Don't let it go on too long before backing off, as time goes on the harder it'll be. Good luck!
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