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female
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*etsdoit
writes: Ok my problem is that every bloke i like or even get on with is married. For the past two years up until june i was seeing a married guy who was 12 years older than me (i'm 22), we got on so well, we also fell in love but i ended because it definatly wasnt right.Then I then met a guy who was single and my age but a complete bore he didnt want to do anything it was awful, now i have met a guy at work who is 15 years older than me i am falling for and he says he has fallen for me but guess what he's married! But i feel so amazing when i'm with him, why is it that the only ones that i like are older and married? is this really what life is about?
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female
reader, Cool Cucumber  +, writes (11 October 2006):
 Older men do have an attraction, I personally prefer a guy who is a few years older then me, but as soon as I find out they are married that is a definate turn off for me. I apreciate that in some cases a man will lie about being married, and maybe this has happened to you AFTER you have fallen for them?
I think that maybe you are attracted to these men as they are 'emotionally unavailable'. By them being married there is no commitment there to you, because they are committed to someone else. This way you feel you are not putting yourself in a position to be hurt, but you are putting yourself in a very difficult position. By knowingly dating a married man you risk hurting others if they were to find out, and you are living in secrecy and lies too. How do you get out of this trap? Well, you have realised it has started to become a bit of an issue and a repeating pattern in your life, one that you want to stop. That's a good start.
Have you been from one relationship to the next without much of a break? Maybe now is the time to do that, discover who you are as a person rather then identifying yourself with the person you are with. Be content and secure and happy with yourself, indulge and treat yourself, you can live without being in a relationship. Maybe by coming away from relationships for a while you will have time to reflect on areas you want to change for YOU, not for anyone else. Don't be second best, that's all you will ever be to these men, you deserve to come first and for a man to treat you with respect and trust! Take care of yourself, you have so much ahead of you to look forward to! xx
A
female
reader, lilmzmoffett +, writes (11 October 2006):
 Well first off, if the wives of any of these men find out, you could break up a marriage, thats called being a home wrecker. You are being used as a toy to these men. I dont know if its sexual yet but if it is then your being played for a fool. Yours definately more adventerous in the bedroom than a woman who has had a few kids, works, runs a household and is older.
I work with a woman who is seeing a married man, and it really pisses me off because Im married and if I ever caught my husband cheating on me I would have a go at him but I would terrorise the woman.
So my advice is: Leave the married men alone and go for somebody who isnt in a relationship. Your being used by these men because your young and vivacious. They really wouldnt care for you, its just for sex and any of them would pick there families over you anyday. And as for the guy you met who was your age but a complete bore, sweety there are other fish in the sea, he isnt the only 22 in the world. Go find your own and leave other womens men alone!
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