A
female
age
22-25,
anonymous
writes:Hi there, I actually have three questions after the back story of my situation. To begin with, my parents were really uptight on the idea of having a boyfriend or dating. However, a couple of months ago, I got to know a guy from my university and instantly had the "click". As I was staying on campus due to assignments and upcoming exams, we actually studied together and in between study sessions, we had meals together and started to really get to know each other. I know it sounds a bit fast, but we both are realistic with our decisions ad we did talk about just going with the flow and enjoy whatever it is that we have between us. So we started dating and my parents did call constantly to check up on me and I did tell them casually that I was eating with this guy (let's call him K). And after some time, my parents got the hint that K was special to me ad started asking questions about him as they were curious to know who he was and what's he like etc. So I told them. Some time passed and then in April, coincidentally, K had an interview with a company that was very close to my house and I thought why don't I drop by home since I haven't gone home due to exams and assignments. So I did. And my parents met K and they liked him. They didn't have anything to critique on him in terms of personality, looks, or his studies as he is a smart guy (parents love smart guys - its a Chinese asian parent thing). It was weird for me that they accepted that I liked this guy and they allowed him to join my fam and I for dinner recently. and I was glad that things started looking up and I thought okay, at least they're seeing me as an adult and see that I can handle studies and still have a relationship. (I was studying hard with him during exams cuz I also wanted to prove to my parents that their stereotypical thinking of not being able to balance school and a dating life isn't true, which I did. I attained good grades hehe). I've always been too afraid to be happy because I know it can be stripped away almost instantly. And I think that happiness I was feeling is about to end. When I had to inform my mum that I had plans to go out with K, she asked again? and I said yeah... and thought to myself that I've been only out twice this week with K as I was working on other days and I would ALWAYS spend my meal times with my family, so what was that two days? (even though I go out, I always make it home for dinner with my fam so). Anyways, I sort of sensed a little unhappiness that I was going out, as if she wasn't okay with it. but I just didn't care to ask as I know it will lead to argument. Side note; I know my parents pretty well, I can sense their change of tones meanings and I know how things will escalate (you'll be surprised at how accurate I am with them. Continuing on, fast forward to today, I went out to have brunch with K and his parents as his parents wanted to know who I was as K have mentioned to them about me. And I'm absolutely fine with that as we're dating and together so it makes sense and I've already brought him to meet my parents so why not meet his. and when I came home I told my parents that I had met his parents, I sensed a little unpleasantness from them and my dad said "he treats you like his gf" and I was thinking, I'm pretty sure I told you we were dating and he was so happy that I had met such a good and smart guy and ultimately someone I got on very well with. and when I first brought him home, I did have an honest conversation with my parents about how I felt for this person that I liked him very much and that he and I have spoken about our careers and how we would work on ourselves first but we can still enjoy what we have and go with the flow and not force anything. they did fear that I overcommit myself to him in the sense like I would do everything and anything to marry him or something which was not the case cuz K and I had the conversation that it's baby steps to the end goal and for now, we enjoy the present and hope for the future. And I did tell my parents that too and they can see that both of us are being mature about our decisions and so on. 1) So, I'm confused over their contradicting behaviours. I am aware of parents' concerns and such but my parents have covered all that (pregnancy, virginity and such). So even though having all those conversations and given what's had happened like having meals with each other's families, why would my parents suddenly sort of have a change of heart? (I think that's how I could phrase it?) 2) Also, K and I actually want to go for a DAY trip (we'll be back in the evening) to a theme park about 45 mins drive from the city next weekend. Not sure if my parents would be okay with it, what do you think I should do?? 3) K has also mentioned that he wants to travel to different states in our country and had asked me to come along in Sept, idk how Im gonna tell my parents that, even though I haven't agreed yet to the travelling idea... and I'll be paying for it myself, Im gonna save up on my work money to travel which will be enough as long I manage myself well.
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female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (12 June 2019):
 I think you should ASK your parents what is going on here, they are really the ones to ask.
Maybe not ASK for permission to go (to the theme park) but let them know where you are going and with whom.
So far they haven't told you no, you can't go. Right?
See how that conversation goes and how it goes with you going to the theme park BEFORE telling them or ASKING permission to go travel with him.
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