A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I broke up with my ex 5 years ago due to abuse. I was contacted by his ex gf 2 years ago and now contacted my another ex gf about his abuse. Why would ex's contact me? I just dont understand Im out of the picture!!!
View related questions:
broke up, ex girlfriend, his ex, my ex Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 May 2011): hello...I am in a situation with my boyfriend(we just broke up though cause we can't live with the dysfunction and abuse). I am thinking of contacting his ex girlfriends to see how abusive he was to them. He blames me of course. but truthfully the awful things I have done were in response to his terrible behavior, so I understand why he says that. I am wondering if it is just us together or if it is him. I know I have problems with getting mad and yelling, but he went far beyond me, mentally, financially, physically, emotionally. I am hoping they can clarify whether he was abusive to them too. I know of a few things he did, but two of his exes are still friends on facebook. and his ex wife(whom he slapped once and choke held once) still has a tiny bit of contact with him on fb.Do you think that is a bad idea. I am wondering your perspective as the ex.
A
female
reader, Bickycat  +, writes (1 June 2010):
What are they saying when they contact you? Maybe, as a lot of abused women feel, think that they are on their own, and you can comfirm that it's this bully at fault - not them. Perhaps, if he was abusive they may consider going to the police and are looking for evidence of his history. Either way, without you saying what the content of the contact is, it's difficult for anyone to have an informed opinion.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (31 May 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionLazyGuy, thanks for giving your answer. However, I do not think its appropriate to say that all women are stupid. I understand a lot about abuse, abusers, and victims. The point is, I have been out of the picture for some time now.
We were still young when we broke up (23). The abuse sounds like it escalated to the extreme and he lied about me. Everything was lies, 100%. These two ex's had no idea. I have never heard of people doing this especially 2 gfs. Okay, the first one, I get and she was a bit younger than me. This woman who recently did was not, and even talked about having grandchildren! It just seemed odd. Would there be another motive?
...............................
A
male
reader, LazyGuy  +, writes (31 May 2010):
 Because women ain't smart.
If they were smart they would contact you when they were his pre-girlfriend.
This is like reading customer reviews after the product blew up in your face.
On a slightly less "all women are stupid" note: they are just trying to confirm that it was not them. Abuse victims often think that it must be something they did. By confirming he treated others the same the blame can be put on him. And not on the women who went out with him... ah we are back on "all women are stupid" now.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (31 May 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionOk, the first girlfriend seemed a lot stronger and thought she could easily see that he lies about everything, including what he told her about me and my family, where he lived and everything. He completely lied to her. From what I heard from the second girlfriend, she didnt leave him until it got really bad, even after we talked. The second one, she started out asking if I have an address then went on to telling me what he did to her and the lies he told her about me. I dont understand why it keeps going back to me, is it truely bc Im his first girlfriend? IT bothers me, thats all.
...............................
A
female
reader, pinktopaz +, writes (31 May 2010):
How about you ask them? Why would any of us know?
...............................
|
