A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Just wondering, because people seem to be under the impression that anyone under the age of 18 is naive, easily-influenced within relationships and does not know their own mind? I would like to argue that in many cases, this is not true. If you take a novel like Gone with the Wind, which is fairly archaic by modern day standards, the heroine is 16-year-old Scarlett who is a strong female, albeit cruel and manipulative to her significantly older lovers. I know this is a work of fiction, but in any case - should it not be considered that in some situations, teenage females can have the upper hand in relationships and are perhaps not as innocent and defenseless as people are so keen to believe; not so fickle as to have crushes on several different, unattainable men in the space of only a few months? This appears to be a general consensus. Do you not think it is somewhat insulting to class what are in many cases intelligent, emotionally mature and post-pubescent females (and males, although they are few and far between) as children, which let's face it is usually not a complimentary term. I am wondering why it is seen as precocious - very much a negative word - to see yourself as an adult before the age of 18, when in some countries women are married with children long before they reach the age of majority? The laws are ridiculous, you are seen as lacking the decisive spirit needed to cast votes in politics at any age prior to this, and yet can die for your country at 16? Also, the assumption that all teenage mothers are irresponsible is ridiculous - I am the daughter of a woman only 16 years older than me, and she has a successful career in politics - no benefits necessary, surprisingly enough.I just needed to get this out, because I feel quite insulted by the amount of prejudice against teenage females that arises on this site.I would also like a general answer as to why the law decrees that people of this age group are children?
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (20 September 2009): I hear you on some of that stuff. The difference is most acute when you're 12-15.
But I think the difference in maturity between an 18yo boy and 18yo girl has closed up to very little. The girls might still APPEAR more mature by most people's yardsticks, but have you looked very hard at those yardsticks?
You have to realize that our society basically employs a circular argument for this. We define maturity with a heavy slant towards female traits and then we use this to judge females as more mature. Several of the examples of maturity that you just gave sound more like differences in gender habits than actual maturity to me.
Even the examples of teenage pregnancy, which at first might appear to be the most egregious and clear example of your point, show this mismatch when I look at them.
Let's look back at teenage pregnancy from 10,000 years ago. In that lifestyle the demands of growing up fast will finally "hit home" to the teenage mother when the child starts growing in her and soon she gives birth. The demands of growing up fast would naturally hit home to the teenage father near the same time. Mostly when the child appears and suddenly the mother has nothing to eat and no shelter or protection without him.
However, think about the situation now. When does a modern teenage girl get "hit"? The same time as teenage mothers always got hit in prehistory. But when does the teenage father get hit? HE DOESN'T GET HIT ANYMORE.
The teenage father's lack of minimum wage job will not typically make his child & mother starve these days. If the modern young father doesn't get with the program, the teenage mother might cuss him out and go back to her parents, but there are no longer any real negative consequences for him leaving her high & dry. She doesn't starve or even become seriously endangered. (And males also tend to naturally give a lot less weight to negative social consequences & adult disapproval too, remember?)
I am saying that unlike the mother's unchanged situation from thousands of years ago, there is virtually no more of the natural world's incentive for the modern teenage father to grow up. No wonder modern teenage fathers seem less "mature" these days. Abdicating their parental duties has almost been reduced to the level of not doing their algebra homework.
Now imagine if modern teenage mothers could always cause their pregnancy to literally just "go away" by merely ignoring the problem . . . I'll bet that would cause a pretty sharp dive in the average amount of "maturity" shown by modern teenage mothers, don't you think? (And if you think this would be a major change, then just imagine what would happen if teenage mothers could plausibly just blame the whole thing on someone else by accusing the father of screwing some other girl!)
The whole maturity measurement thing is similar to the way that we are redefining intelligence as we learn that male & female brains are naturally prone to reasoning differently. We are currently realizing that our mostly male-defined perception of intelligence has tradionally been slanted unfairly in favor of men. I am saying here that our modern definitions of maturity have a heavy built-in slant towards females.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 September 2009): 256Actually... I love video games, and I really dislike clubs, although I have been a few times - I do not see any point in a social activity where it is impossible to hear what anybody else is saying.I think in actual fact a lot of what I was doing was quoting statistics, but also from watching documentaries about pregnant teenage girls for example, you often find that the female partner is very mature and is able to move easily in motherhood, while the boy (assuming they are the same age) is skateboarding with his mates, and shying away from the responsibility. Obviously you were nothing like that, but often that would appear to be the case.Also, when I was at school (I left because I found the lessons frustrating and educated myself following on from that) the boys in my class would spend every lunch time playing games in which they would pretend to be aeroplanes and whatnot, and no, I am not joking, although it is very possible they were just a congregation of unnaturally immature teenagers. They would fight each other, and discuss things such as "World of Warcraft" and I would be trying to read some novel or other and so ask them if they could please be quieter, but they would say no! This game is very important; we are aliens trying to conquer the universe! However, the girls in my year (I was the oldest) would sit around the table sensibly and read, or talk amongst themselves (I didn’t fit in so I spent a lot of time observing what they were doing) and just generally, the boys (who were 15) seemed childlike, while the girls behaved more appropriately to young women. And no, it was not just in their appearances.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (19 September 2009): Thanks for the apology about the young male maturity comment. But I honestly do not think the differences between maturity between the adolescent sexes is very significant. It's a physical difference of maybe 2 years or less, and the emotional diffference is essentially zilch. I think we just live in a world that has a lot more use for teenage girls as adults than it does for teenage boys. We adult men want to see teen girls as more mature because we are biologically attracted to younger girls and vice versa. We don't want any more guys around, especially younger ones. What's for us to gain from it? What evidence REALLY proves a teen boy immature? Is it because they play video games too much? Because they do rowdy wild things? Because they're not into adult places like clubs? Becuase they like messing with younger girls instead of older women? The problem with this logic is that it's all bullshit: Video games are as popular among 28yo men as they are among 18yo boys. Go to any college full of men in their 20s and then tell me about rowdy wild things being a sign of teenage (or even male) status. Try being a 16yo boy (who looks 16) and see if you can get any older girls to give you the time of day. It's hard enough not to get snubbed by girls your own age. Try being a 16yo boy and see how much fun you have at the adult clubs and scenes. They won't wanna let you in, the other guys there laugh at you and physically threaten you, the women there don't even make eye contact, and nobody is in any big hurry to sneak you a drink. See how much fun you're having that night "mingling with the adults." Teenage boys are given every incentive and message to act immature. Teeange girls are given every incentive and message to act more mature. No wonder everyone thinks the gap is really so huge.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 September 2009): Hey anonymous male reader, I am really sorry about the negative comments I made regarding teenage boys. All I meant was that it is far more common for teenage girls to be significantly more mature than their male counterparts, according to both research and my experiences. I try to say many things in a tongue-in-cheek sort of way, but often it just comes across as offensive in context, so I am sorry for miscommunicating this.
I do understand the whole thing about criminilisation, although I am female (surprisingly), I have many facial piercings and what could be seen as quite a 'scruffy' exterior. I was shocked a few weeks ago when I was attempting to borrow a mobile phone to contact somebody, because mine has broken sadly - and every single person I asked, from preteens to old ladies gave me the same answer: no credit, or they did not have one, and so forth. It was quite clear that this was unlikely to be case with all of them - more so, they did not trust me with their mobile phones, most probably because of my appearance. I found this quite upsetting.
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reader, anonymous, writes (18 September 2009): I am 15. I think we do have the power to become more mature, of course, by making the right decisions and so on, but we simply never have the capacity to become as mature as we can be later on, as rhythmandblues2 pointed out.However, one can still be mature for one's age - I actually think it is better to be as mature as one can. It doesn't mean never "having fun," but only having fun when it's appropriate. For example, going to the cinema with your mates is fine; going to a sleepover party where people are drinking and using drugs is not.It's also about thinking maturely, as well. And, to a certain extent, that does mean not being what people expect teenagers to be. I don't mean not following the law, of course; what I do mean is not accepting the ideas that teenagers find it impossible to get over crushes or can't control their hormones. Taking responsibility for what you can, instead of putting it down to being a teenager, is part of maturity, IMO.I have a favourite quote which sums it up nicely: "We do not choose the hand we have been dealt, but it is up to us how we play it."
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reader, anonymous, writes (18 September 2009): WOW, 24 responses... you think people have an opinion on this? I agree 100%, at 16 or 17 one is simply lacking any life expereince and far too capable of acting on emotion or on lack of common sense.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (18 September 2009): The fact that you referred to mature young males as "few and far between" exhibits just as much stereotyping and unfair bias as your whole question is complaining about. If you think it's bad being a teenage girl, try being a teenage boy that is more mature than average. I lived through it, and the unfairness of it would leave you absolutely flabbergasted.As a teenage boy you don't just get treated like a child, you get treated like a child CRIMINAL. Try that costume on for a week and then see how bad you still think teenage girls have it.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 September 2009): Every teenager thinks that they are "grown up". I'm 25 and I thought the same back in high school... everyone does. But let me tell you, when I0 look back on those years, I did not have enough life experience to think the way that I do now. You will see 10 years from now, you will look back and disagree with the points you are making on your post.
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reader, anonymous, writes (18 September 2009): many great comments on this topic aunties! I married young, (16)started a family...and was pretty mature for my age...but i was absolutely too young! 27 years later i know less than i did then...lol. I stand by the idea that at that age you may be a young adult in part, but there is still a lot of child left also. People do mature at different rates. I have a 12 yr old daughter who passes for 16 often and an 18 yr old son that has to be reminded to comb his hair before leaving the house :) p.s. i love the idea of a book club!
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reader, anonymous, writes (18 September 2009): TOI, too funny about Juliet writing to DC!!!!
I like the idea of a book club, however, I take a long time to read a book these days, but maybe that would make me read every day.
Anyone read any of Greg Iles' books, I just bought Devil's Punchbowl because it sounded good, read a few pages and liked it right from the start.
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reader, anonymous, writes (18 September 2009): Statistics is a powefull thing:
1.45% of all car related death in America occur among teenagers
2. 60% of STDs occur among teenagers
3. More than 50%of prisoners were born to single teenage mothers
4. even inflamated gums you can find mostly in teenagers, because they don't floss properly.
Should I say more?...
You sound like a well rounded person w/intelligence of at at least 25 years old.
but it's not a very frequent occurance. my daughter is an old head, sometimes I forget who is the mother in this relationship, but now she is 22.
She is graduated from university of berkeley, has a very good job, completely supports herself, but look what she did when she was teenager:
1. She got married when she was 18, then divorced 2 years later
2. She totalled 2 cars when she was 16
3. She was sleeping in her car when she moved away for several month, because she didn't want any help.
And She was A GOOD GIRL, a very good girl, that didn't do any drugs or alcogol.
I don't know if i am proving a point, i never treat younger people like they are less than us adults, but ... the fact is the younger you are the less life experience you have. It's something you can't be taught
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female
reader, TasteofIndia  +, writes (18 September 2009):
 I love the idea of DC book club, count me IN!!!!
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female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (18 September 2009):
 Have we ever proposed a DC book club? We could read the same book and have a discussion in the forum.
For me, WH was so hot when I was a teenager. I found myself getting frustrated with them this time around! I clearly have slipped on the romance in books front. Ah well. Still a great, iconic book!
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female
reader, TasteofIndia +, writes (18 September 2009):
Read this question when you're like, 25. Even 21. And then you'll see a big difference between who you are presently and who you were then. You may be mature - I know I was at 16 & 17, and I made a lot of smart choices. But, the way I think now and process who I am and how the world is, is a lot different. I don't know when it happened, when it shifted or how... but I know that things are different in my world now then they were then. In relationships I made a shift too. My relationships now feel a lot more "adult" than they did then (and I DEFINITELY wore the pants in all of my relationships). Even though my friends and boyfriends were great, little drama then... they just feel different now. Deeper, but easier.
You keep learning about yourself as the time goes by, and life gets gains clarity, though might not be clearer. You can be strong at 16-17, and you can be smart, but what you lack is wisdom that comes from experience... and there is at least some merit to that. Not to say all people who are older are necessarily wise, but they at least have a lifetime of experience. Some people learn, some people don't. And 16-17 is CHOCK FULL of learning experiences!
I do think that 16+ should be able to vote. And I also am with 'Rhythmandblues", I think there's a significant difference between child and teenager. SIGNIFICANT. And teenagers are often underestimated.
Man, I'm re-reading Romeo & Juliet and I completely forgot that Juliet is barely 14. Now THAT was teenage lovesick impulsiveness. If only she had written into Dear Cupid first...
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female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (18 September 2009):
I read it when I was a teenager, then again just recently. Big difference in the experience.
Oldersister, Kate Bush is amazing. That voice. Cool song!
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reader, anonymous, writes (18 September 2009): Yup, was required reading when I was in school, great book, such draaaammmmaaaa
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female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (18 September 2009):
Has anyone read "Wuthering Heights"?
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reader, anonymous, writes (18 September 2009): Original OP, you are still stating what the exceptions to the norm are about teenagers, and you obviously are perturbed about the diminished mentaal capacity (that is a legal term) which doesn't accurately explain what is meant by underdeveloped brain capacity for making the best judgements, sorry this is a proven scientific fact and I tend to go for proven facts not just opinions.
The fact of the matter is that laws are made to protect the majority, not the exception to the rule especially where teenagers are concerned. You can say all day that it is ridiculous for adult parents to be responsible legally for their teenagers, but the fact remains, that they are. And there are things a parent can do when their teenager defies the rules of their household, after all they are financially dependent on the parent....so I am sure the laws were written by very experienced parents, and parenting did not have a whole lot to do with it.
The onset of puberty being earlier has to do with better health of today's children due to diet and the gene selection of survival of the fittest and has nothing to do with the level of maturity a person has. Just because a 9 year old can menstruate, her body is not physically mature to handle pregnancy,quite far from it, it could even cost her or her child it's life....so I am not getting that as an argument for the difference between the civil war era and today.... Age does not mean maturity obviously.
And generally women do mature quicker than men, but at a certain age that levels off, around the age of 18....and yes men can be emotionally immature in their 20's, as I said the brain does not fully develop until around the age of 25. In our country, children are educated by law through high school, after that they are legally emanicpated from their parents, but many of course go onto college and parents pay for school or not (and can be claimed on their parents taxes as a deduction until the age of 23) but parents are no longer legally liable for their actions....
Like another aunt said, be grateful for the protections that you do have, because growing up and being free of parental supervision and having certain freedoms comes with a great deal of responsibility, so you have it easier because of that...it can be a double edged sword.
I do hope you go to college and don't get pregnant just because that is what your mother did. I am sure she might have done it differently, but then she wouldn't have you to show for it....so it worked out for her and you, and for that you can be thankful.
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female
reader, celtic_tiger +, writes (18 September 2009):
 I think you have a good point, certainly not ALL 15-17 year old girls are immature. BUT saying that, the vast majority are far less mature than they like to think they are. At 16, you have a wide-eyed naivety which you will not realise until you are much further on in life. Believe me, you do not have all the answers, and you do not approach life in the way an adult would. This is because you have not lived, you have not experienced the real world of work, emotions, and the true meaning of being an adult. At 16, you would not want the true level of adult responsibility, because it is very restricting. You can be the most intelligent 16 year old in the world, but you would still be a child. You can be emotionally mature for your age, but you have not lived through the life experiences which you need to grow and develop into an adult. At 16, emotionally you are still growing. Even at 26, I know, that I am still developing and learning about being an adult, and what it entails. Even in the 10 years since I was 16, I have grown so much as a woman, and I know that I was just a CHILD then. I was naive, I didn’t understand the feelings of love, lust, emotional closeness. I certainly didn’t understand boys, or what a true relationship entails. When you are this age, you are still growing, developing, and you cannot hope to have all the answers.
We do not give our advice purely based on the fact we think all teenage girls are silly children. The whole point is, we have been there. We were also silly teenage girls once. We have been through those years, we have experienced what they have to offer, and we have learnt and grown up as adults. We only try to offer advice, so that you, as teenagers now, do not make the same mistakes that we may have done at the same age. Now, often the obvious teenage answer to this is "ohhh I would never make the same mistakes you did, because I am an adult", but we all say that, and we are all very very wrong. When you are a bit older you will realise this.
Every generation of teenagers thinks they are more grown up, than the one that went before. In fact, most teenagers think they know more than all the adult population put together.
Listen to the wiser older people, we may actually have some useful advice. I am 26, I know full well that I have a lot still to learn about the world, about life and about love. I still ask my mum for advice! I don’t pretend I know it all, or have the arrogance to assume just because I am an adult that I have all the answers. I don’t.
You have 18 years to be a child, and on average 60 years to be an adult. WHY would you want to make your childhood shorter than it is already? You are a long time old. Don’t waste your youth.
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female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (18 September 2009):
The people who think 15-17 year olds are immature used to be 15-17 year olds themselves. Think about it.
The age of consent laws were put in to prevent sexual exploitation of young girls (or boys) by adults who can manipulate barely post-pubescent teens into sexual contact before they are fully able to protect themselves. Not every teenager is the same of course, but the legislature has no way to individually test each teenager to see if she or he is fully mature enough to be classified as an adult. It's just not possible. So they have to draw the line somewhere.
You may indeed be a very wise teenager; do you have the art of patience fully perfected yet? Because in only a few years, you will be joining the rest of us with all those adult responsibilities that your mother learned about at a young age.
Enjoy your youth. Keep focused on your goals and dreams. Study hard and well. (Don't you just HATE adults who think they know everything?)
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 September 2009): Thank you for the good wishes Xeno. If I do indeed attend university, I would hope to progress in either English or a combined degree of politics/economics/philosophy.I have lived in the countries you refer to, in which 12-yearolds girls are forced into marriages and basically exploited by their parents for money, and I agree these situations are very unfortunate. I did not mean it is the way it was construed; I was merely saying that in many other countries, even Spain, where drinking is encouraged from a young age and the age of consent is 13, the rate of crime is far lower and the general attitude towards young people is far better than it is here. There must be a balance, and in this country, people fluctuate between incriminating teenagers and sugar-coating them.The reason why I use the term children is because legally, they are classed as children. It is seen as reasonable to refer to a 16-year-old as a child, usually in a degrading manner. You can take out a child protection order. You can phone Childline, the list goes on. My initial point was that this seems odd, considering a child naturally refers to a being that is innocent and hasn't developed physically.Also, schools are not the safe havens that you have implied, what with the rise of knife crime and so on, most teenagers are no longer sheltered from the brutal nature of reality.To Pinktopaz; almost everyone views the actions of those younger than themselves with condensing, simply because it emphasises their own maturity. I too am a victim of it, towards my younger sister for example, even though I try not to be. Obviously I can't say whether this is your motive - just a general observation.Again to Xeno - the only reason why teenagers do not work and therefore, according to your classification, validate themselves as adults is because the minimum wage does not apply, also, 16-17 olds can only work for a limited number of hours per week, regardless of whether they are in education. I do have a job if that helps, however it is badly paid and not exactly a career in the traditional sense... I only really do it to occupy my mind and give myself a sense of purpose.OP. ^^ x
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 September 2009): it all depends on the person and our experiences. I mean if you wouldn't have been a little naive and childish you woudln't have had sex and gotten preagnant. Im not saying you im saying in general. If you wouldn't have drank and passed out well you wouldn've been conscious of your decisions. Honestly sweetie I'm 16 and I am still a kid. I would not ever want to raise a child at my age or not be able to come home to my parent. I would hate to have to cook for myself everday or pay my rent, my car insurance, hell my car. Enjoy being a teenager we're stupid and restless and we'll make mistakes that's how we grow up to become adults. And once you think about it what it means to be an adult is also up for debate.
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reader, pinktopaz +, writes (18 September 2009):
Well you would assume this because you are naive. I'm only 25 and I'm sure women older than me would feel that some of the things I do and the way I think is dumb or immature. Same with women who are considered "adults," that are only 5 years younger than me and I think that many of their decisions or thoughts that they may have are incredibly stupid and immature. So being a teenager, yes, it is within reason to still be considered a child. Maturity and wisdom is achieved through experience, that of which a teenager typically lacks in most cases.
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reader, anonymous, writes (18 September 2009): Rhythmandblue2, I think you have made some really good arguments. However, I must protest...
1. Although in the time of Gone with the Wind life spans were far shorter, the age of puberty was in fact later, nowadays it is not uncommon for girls to start developing at ages as young as nine, whereas a few generations ago 14 was a normal age for these changes to occur.
2. There is no basis for parents to be held responsible for the actions of teenagers; it is common knowledge that teenagers do as they please. For example, a 15-year-old gets their lip pierced. The parent knows that this is illegal and they could be held responsible for allowing it, but what can they do? Forcibly tug it out? If the parent then tells their child they are "grounded" and whatnot, what can they do if the "child", who is quite possibly taller than them, walks out of the house? How exactly can they be retrained? This law was clearly not written by an experienced parent.
And I'm sure there was something else I intended to say... ah,yes, by having the upper hand in the relationship I mean to say, it is quite possible for older males to be outwitted by their teenage lovers.
I think one of the original points I intended to make - but didn't quite manage to articulate clearly as a result of my diminished brain capacity - was that people reach adulthood at different stages, and it seems silly to say that just because you have lived for a certain amount of time you are/are not an adult, because some people reach physical maturity and experience a lot at a very young age, while others, usually men (yes, I know I come across as being sexist, but I am merely stating fact) can progress well into their 20s while still being emotionally immature, if not physically.
^^ Original Poster.
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reader, anonymous, writes (17 September 2009): As an added note, back in the days of Gone with the Wind, women often died in childbirth, the average life span was about 46, people died often of consumption which meant tuberculosis; the polio vaccination was not invented as well as many other vaccines...in short people lived about half as long as they do now in current times. And people lived in an agrarian society where large families were conducive to surving under those conditions.
We have medical advances now and live in a much more complicated society, so Gone with the Wind is archaic because it was a different "time" all together.
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reader, anonymous, writes (17 September 2009): Not children but teenagers. The majority of teenagers are subject to be driven in a large part by puberty, raging hormones and such and cause them to be in the predicament of what isn't considered a stable life. It is rare to find mature teenagers (much less mature adults I know) but adults are the ones that go out and work in the "real world" where as teenagers are able to stay safe in school, where it is sheltered from the brutal nature of mankind. I would see that as a suitable reason why teenagers are mainly not considered adults. Yes I do admire your mother but compared to the people that come to this site she will be a rare user, if she will come to this site at all to be judged or criticized as you feel many Agony Aunts have been doing. But I do get your point, some maybe too harsh or too quick to judge and point fingers. But that is how this site works where "anyone" can provide some form of advice, whether its the brutal truth, sarcastic banter that the Brits love so much or sugar coated answers that some provide. It is up the the user to decide which he or she sees fit to his/her situation. In some countries yes some women are considered such at an earlier age. But that is what it is...other countries. Their traditions, history and culture I assume would determine many of these laws. Basically in your words you said "well they are doing it so why can't we?" which is an almost childish statement. Some of those younger girls may not even BE ready for the adult life but by law, they have to accept it. What you think may be a good thing can be in fact a double edged sword. It would be wise to appreciate what you DO have since, from looking at history, we have come a LONG way. It's not perfect but many try to rectify these problems with baby steps. Of course these are people that have left school and take part in society. I wont say to respect your elders so easily. But I have found that often enough at the 1st time, a lot do give good advice and sometimes are ultimately ignored. There's always two sides to the story, so its worth thinking about why such "children" are classed as such yourself. Good luck and nice post though. I don't intend to change your way of thinking, but I do encourage you to keep it up and maybe you will find something ,when you graduate, that will better your country.
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reader, anonymous, writes (17 September 2009): http://www.reference.com/browse/wiki/Minor_(law)
Hi there, first let me point you to the article above explaining the law of majority.
The laws are there to protect minors as well as restrict them. Minors are not legally responsible for their behavior under the age of 10, and under the age of 18 depending on the country, are legally responsible for their behavior according to juvenile law. Criminal records of juveniles are sealed, meaning that they are not visible to any one, except in the legal professions, can't be discriminated against for employment and residence and insurance and the like.
Parents of minors are legally responsible for their children's actions. This is one, but only one of the reasons you see the attitudes about "children" and their actions on this site.
A further reason is the fact that juveniles are at a diminished mental capacity. That sounds really bad doesn't it? And it even sounds insulting.
But here is a scientific fact. Brain development in the frontal cortex where judgement and decision making and impulsive responses are NOT developed in the brain until around the age of 25. Even though a minor may have many of the character traits of a mature adult, they are not equipped to always make the best choices for a biological reason, further they lack the life experience to make the best judgement calls about people and relationships. Maturity is a life long process, some people never advance in maturity, but most do over the course of their lives.
You do sound like an intelligent young woman, but when I was your age, I certainly felt like I knew what was best, but as I got out on my own and have lived five decades, looking back, I was a baby during my high school and even college years. I was creative, pure of heart, which are part of the wonderful things about being naive and youthfull, but I didn't know a lot of things that I do know.
It is true the old adage, youth is wasted on the young. And I wish I knew what I know now when I was only 18....
I can't prove that to you, you are just going to have to accept it on faith, that you are not as powerful as you think, it isn't about having the upper hand in a relationship, it is about inexperience and diminished brain capacity for judgement.....sorry, it is the way it is.
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