A
female
age
51-59,
*amurai girl
writes:When my BF and I started dating, we talked a lot about sex, what we liked, what we didn't ,etc. I made it clear how much I liked my breasts to be touched, etc and he happily complied (or so I thought). Although he says he's not a Breast Man, but he has a subscription to a tit rag.As we have more sex, the less attention that area gets. When he does involve my breasts, he has no erection, although he seems to be "into" it.After telling him how I felt about his mag and that aspect of our sexual relationship, this past weekend he really made a CONCERTED effort to assure me that he loves every inch of my body and wants to do things to please me, but I am no longer into it. His "non-response" is fueling my disconnection to him sexually.I am at the point where I don't even want him touching them or seeing them. I am really turned off because I feel that I am getting mixed messages about his turn ons, which I have asked about. Clearly this seems disingenuous to me and I just want 'to get it over with' when we do have sex.He's a good guy and really wants to please me. I have no hang ups about porn, etc. and I've had more sex in more ways w/ more people than he has, so why am I so turned off by his efforts?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 February 2009): Nope your not making a big issue about it. Your guy said something stupid and it made you feel different about your body. Many of us women feel the same way, if you were to criticise his penis, his muscles or the size of his bank balance, he would be hurt and upset too. Sometimes men can do and say hurtful things, they don't know how to talk nicely and give women confidence, the way that we women try to. Not all men, but "foot in the mouth", this saying was made for men. I think sometimes their brains go funny, because the penis takes all the blood out of their head.
But babes, we women must learn to love ourselves. If he has a breast issue, and missed out on breastfeeding, or got too much, you can't let that affect you. He is insensitive, and he doesn't know how to speak properly to a lady such as yourself. But love doesn't seem to be the issue, just a man talking before he thinks.
Again I say to you, ask him to put the magazines away. Nobody wants big false breasts in their face.. well women don't, but many men don't seem to mind.
I know it's hard to forget his stupid words, but as I say, he's probably feeling stupid, guilty and doesn't understand how much this hurts.
I have big breasts, much too big for me, and I wish they were smaller, because that's all men seem to see and it makes me feel stupid and unattractive in other areas.
You don't have to force him to touch them or look at them, that's not the way men think. Men like all breast, sure they might prefer bigger ones, or smaller ones, but a breast is a breast. Just make sure that you let him caress them and touch them, oil is good, makes them more sensitive and stand up to attention better. If he really rejects your body, and seems to struggle with giving your breast attention, then yes you must have a talk, because that is rude and selfish. All that matters is you like your breasts, and you want him to pay attention to them, and make you feel good. In sex play, there are many times we have to compromise and do things to make our partner happy, so don't hide your body, just make sure that he touches and caresses you as you like.
No babes, your not wrong for asking, about the porn, and why he has a problem with your breast. But your guy, is like many men, he says the wrong thing and the wrong time, and you must try to relax, because hopefully he will not do this again. Men like all breast, especially those they can touch. Sorry he was rude, and he hurt you, but men are not like women, sometimes they just say and do the wrong thing.
I hope this helps, your angry, and you have every reason to be. But don't pull away from him, and don't hide, make sure your love making is not destroyed by the issue of women with false breasts and a man with a stupid mouth.
A
female
reader, samurai girl +, writes (16 February 2009):
samurai girl is verified as being by the original poster of the question Clarification: He accused me of making 'the breast' issue a bigger deal than it is, not that I make an issue out of everything. (PROOFREAD, GIRL!)
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A
female
reader, samurai girl +, writes (16 February 2009):
samurai girl is verified as being by the original poster of the questionAnonymous, I can't thank you enough for addressing my question the first time and sincerely appreciate anything else you can come up with. I feel EXACTLY the way you wrote: "Your turned off because he's rejecting something about you, and making you feel like you have a problem when you clearly do not."I really do appreciate your thoughts and look forward to your answer.
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A
female
reader, samurai girl +, writes (16 February 2009):
samurai girl is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you ALL for such insightful, honest answers. I think every one of you hit the nail on the head with the way I'm feeling expressed it much better than I did. Your perspectives have given me much to consider.
I sincerely appreciate his efforts, but don't want to come off as perpetually unhappy or displeased by what he does to make me feel better. I also don't want to condition him to think I make a big deal out of things (which he initially accused me of). Right now, I guess I have to work through not wanting him to touch/see them & be honest about it with him w/o being judgmental or accusing. It's how I feel now and that is just what it is.
Thank you, thank you, thank you for the spectacular food for thought.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 February 2009): That's it Tattyana, great advice to get a solution to this problem.Right now Samurai girl, your angry and upset because he is interested in breast, but he only seems to like the big false ones in the magazine. You feel rejected and inadequate, and he feels guilty, but he probably dose like bigger breasts. That hurts, that hurts a lot. But he probably loves your face, your lips, your vagina, your legs and your arse. He probably finds all of these the cutest things in the world, but when it comes to just that one part, nope, yours are not the greatest. Well fine, we can't be perfect in every way, your beautiful all over, but your breast just ain't that great. Now, I know you feel upset about this. I did too, when I realised men loved my legs, ass and boobs, but they thought my face was not pretty at all. That sucks, being ugly with great boobs. Your pretty, with not ok boobs, but we got to do what we can do, with the things we've been given.Don't be angry, there are probably things on his body that you don't think are that great. Nobody is perfect, and allright you don't make an issue of it like he dose, but if you are truthful, there are things about his body that turn you off as well.You like your boobs touched and caressed... Well he's willing to do this, because it makes you happy, that means he cares. As Tattyana suggests, there is no reason that you can't caress your breast and worship them the way they deserve to be worshipped. I suggest you do this right in his face, and don't let him take away your confidence or your joy in your natural, non-surgically reformed body. Men are funny things, I bet if you do "breast play" yourself and keep them only for you, he'll get jealous and will want to join in. Another thing you can do, if you don't find it disgusting, is to put his penis between your breasts and caress his penis like this. Soon his brain and his penis will get the simple message, "this girl's has real breasts, breast that I can touch, breasts that feel soft, and breasts that she loves." Don't talk, talking won't change minds, just play with your breasts, and play with his body using your breasts, and show them the attention that he finds difficult to give...Sorry babes, hope this helps. If the man has issues, well then don't let it interfere with you and the things that you love and feel proud off. Everytime you see one of those "tit magazines", take of your shirt, carress your breasts and laugh and say "well at least mine are real"... Real breasts are soft, magazines are made of paper, and them girls have lumpy round things that are too big to be believed... LOL
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (16 February 2009): I agree that you're probably annoyed by having to prompt him for breast attention, more than anything else.
Whether his attentions are genuine or not, you'll probably find anything he does with your boobs to be suspect for a while because of the situation. Not good. Not relaxed. not sexy. Not fun.
I think the best thing you can do is just try to stop focusing on the issue for a while. I know that's much easier said than done. But right now it sounds sort of like when one partner is having diffuclty orgasming, and then his/her orgasm ends up being made too important by both people as they try to improve things. Eventually the more focus they put onto the attempted orgasm, the less likely it is to actually happen. It just gets built up too much. Sexual excitement and forced enthusiasm usually don't go together very well.
And if he's near your listed age, he's probably also at the age when erectile function is suscetible to the first real troubles in life. So he may be dealing with his own issues. He many be wishing he was just as horny at the sight & feel of your body as YOU want him to be.
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A
female
reader, Tattyana  +, writes (16 February 2009):
 It seems to me your sexual feelings are not in-sync and this is making you unhappy. It is vital that you feel you are understood when talking about your sexual needs. He clearly wants to make an effort and for things to be right between you, but the issue is so fundemental to you that you cannot block out the feelings you have of frustration and lack of unity.
I suggest you have another talk with him, this time making it very plain how this is making you feel, but if it does not work for you, then over time it will only get worse. Being happy and not frustrated in your sex life is very important, perhaps you could watch some porn on dvd and actually show him the kind of thing you like.
If he does find it too distracting to do two things at the same time in bed then enjoy the forplay and play with your own breasts when you are making love.
Good luck
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 February 2009): Hi Samurai girl, I remember your question from before, and since then I've been thinking hard about this breast issue and what it all means. Glad to see you've put in another question and asked for more help with this.
Your turned off because he's rejecting something about you, and making you feel like you have a problem when you clearly do not. I don't know why he is acting like this, and if you ask him, he'll only make excuses and hide the true reasons from you. I'm still thinking about your problem and trying to find a solution that you both will be happy with. I do have a couple of ideas....
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 February 2009): You are turned off because his response to your breasts is not authentic and genuine. You had to ask for a response. It's like asking someone to say they are sorry when they have done something wrong and they don't realize it - if you get the apology it doesn't mean anything because you had to ask for it. I'm not sure what the solution to this problem is, but I think the reason you are turned off is because his response had to be prompted by you.
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