A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:So I am told things about a guy I was seeing until a week ago..that he beat his ex wife (my friend) and put her in the hospital...so i call him to tell him what I was called and told..and he gets pissed at me..I wasn't spreading the rumor...i wanted him to know what was being told around...we live in a small town... I was being a friend..WTH...why am I the bad guy??
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male
reader, Odds +, writes (14 December 2010):
 Sorry it took so long to get back to this; I've been away a few days.
Three steps to dealing with how mad he is. You may have already done 1 and 2, but here they are:
1) Understand what a serious accusation abuse is, especially unfounded ones. Abuse accusations are used as a tactic in divorce courts, and they can destroy a man's name even if he's acquitted. Besides, no man wants others to believe he is a wife beater - especially his current wife. This was likely an extremely frightening experience for him to even hear about it.
2) Apologize for not trusting him. Certainly, you had every right to be concerned, especially for your own safety, but don't mention that right now. Taking the steps to verify it was right, too, but don't mention that either. Let him know that the accusation frightened you as well, and you're sorry you didn't trust him.
3) Time. He gets to be mad, same as you would if he had accused you of something. Accept and understand it. Rather than trying to get rid of his anger, just ride it out and he'll get over it. Go back to acting normally.
Best of luck to both of you.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 December 2010): no..i talked to his ex and she denied it..he called the person that i was told said these things and she denied saying it...so now he is pissed at me...saying i ran my mouth and he doesnt want to talk to me...i didnt do anything but tell him what I was told...we live in a small town and he owns his own construction business and i didnt want a lie getting around....but what do i do about him being mad at me???
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A
male
reader, Odds +, writes (8 December 2010):
Are you sure he did it? False accusations of abuse are depressingly common in bad divorces (but then, abuse is also depressingly common).
Find out if there's some way you can check with either the hospital or the family court about the records. It amy be difficult to get into the records, depending on local and state law.
If he didn't do it, he's mad because of all the damage done to his good name through no fault of his own, and mad you would believe he was capable of that.
If he did it, I'd say leave, no one beats someone that badly just the one time. In this case, he'd be mad because you're hearing the truth.
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A
female
reader, Honeygirl  +, writes (8 December 2010):
 Did you hear from the ex-wife that he beat her up?
If he is guilty then of course he would be pissed off - he doesnt want everybody to know that he is a wife-beater.
If he did indeed beat up his ex - be very wary - you really dont want to be in a relationship with someone who treats you like a punching bag.
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