A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I have a problem - I'm too forgetful.During the first two years when my BF and I dated, I didn't really care to know too much about him because it was at a honeymoon, sweet, lovey dovey stage. Now, after two years of being together, I've realized that he is : lazy, party boy, flirtatious, finance is a mess, no career path, sneaky, shady, lies, manipulative, juvenile, and selfish in always putting himself first. He also lives at home with his parents and they still spoil him... does his laundry, folds his clothes, cooks for him and when he's done eating they wash his dishes.I cannot believe I am with someone like this. And because he is this way, I have lost a lot of respect for him and I think the love went away with the respect. However, he is a very nice person and I enjoy talking to him and we do have a great time together... when I'm not reminded of who and how he is.This is my problem. I know I can't be with someone like him... I don't have the patience to wait for him to change and grow up. We are both in our early 30's. I don't love him anymore and sometimes when I think about it, I kind of even hate those things about him. But I am someone who easily forgets... I'll wake up in the morning and forget that's how he is and we'll get along fine and happy and talking. Then he'll do something stupid and I'm again reminded of his personality and say to myself I need to leave him and get mad at myself for not having left him yet.Why do I forget so easily? How do I get myself to remember who he really is and remember that I can't be with someone like that??
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female
reader, singinbluebird +, writes (9 June 2016):
 I think only reason you havent left is because you do love him. And you say you dont, but actions speak louder than words. Maybe his childish ways and sweetness has a hold stronger on you than you realize.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 June 2016): I'm the OP. I'm not afraid to leave him or afraid of being alone and can't find love. On the contrary - I work long hours, 8am to 7pm, and after a stressful day of managing employees (who can at times act like kids!!) and various projects, I feel drained both mentally and physically. I want nothing more than some peace and quiet. However, I spend a good part of my evening with him because I understand we are a couple and it's my role. My schedule is very routine - work on weekdays, rarely go out in the evenings. Saturdays I do go out to eat and grocery shop, date or hang out with friends. Sunday is chores around the house day. I'm not blinded to his flaws, I'm just noticing more and more, and I know there are things that I deem important but realistically he can never change. I see no future and I've told him many times. He just doesn't get it. Of course he has good qualities. He has never yelled at me, even when we ger into heated arguments he keeps calm and would never say anything mean to me, even when I lose my temper and am yelling and screaming at him. At most he'll just walk away. When I went to see the Doc about getting birth control pills, he wasn't able to accompany me as he was working but he took a break and called me and stayed on the phone with me during my Doc appt. He also "feeds" me my pill every night, even when we are arguing. He is a sweet guy, he really is. Maybe that's why I find it so hard to leave him. We get along well, but realistically I want more for my future. If I settle now, just based on the fact that he's sweet and we get along well, I know I'll regret it down the road.
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A
female
reader, Dionee'  +, writes (9 June 2016):
 OP you know that's it's not worth it to stay in a relationship with him because you two are wife different. He still has yet to grow up while you are already responsible and sensible. If you know within yourself that you do not deserve someone like him and that it isn't a worth your time to wait around for change that might never happen (which you do know), then why put yourself through the back and forth that's going on in your mind? why not just call it quits as you've wanted to for so long already? It's time to break it off OP and if I were you, I wouldn't delay it much longer.
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A
male
reader, eddie85 +, writes (9 June 2016):
 I am glad you "woke up" realized your situation. Often times, we go through life with a prospective partner and fail to consider whether they truly compliment us.
The reason why you are still with him, is partially out of convenience. He has been there for the past few years and while he may not be your ideal mate, he probably has some good qualities. Also, you surely had some good times together.
Leaving something -- at least something that is partially comfortable -- is always hard. Often times we worry whether we will find love and perhaps it is just safer to go with the person we know.
Given your epiphany though, the fact that you are unhappy is going to get harder to disguise and hide -- even from yourself.
The most important thing is to realize you are worth it. That means working on your self-esteem. You should come first in all things. Learn to love yourself and tell yourself that you deserve better.
You will also need to come up with an exit plan. A long-term relationship like yours could mean joint property and possessions at each other's place. Getting all the external situations resolved.
Finally, I would encourage you to perhaps seek out a therapist. Maybe even having a few sessions to work out what you want out of life and why you let yourself down may be useful. You may be following a life pattern that you haven't noticed before that a therapist can help identify. This will perhaps prevent you from repeating this mistake in the future.
Either way, for you to achieve the happiness you are looking for, I suggest taking some steps that you want that you think will bring you happiness. Doing nothing will continue life "as is". But taking action could help you reach your dreams.
Eddie
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 June 2016): Forgetfulness, as you call it, is just an excuse and it prevents you from seeing the real problem. You cling to him since you are probably to afraid of being on your own.
As long as you don't deal with that fear you will always put up with everything. You'll always stick around because you are to afraid to leave. It doesn't matter if it's him or someone else. You are likely to make the same mistakes.
Btw, you have chosen him someone who's immature. Aks yourself why.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (8 June 2016): Read Too good to leave, too bad to stay.
Answer the questions honestly and see where you are. Talk to him and explain your feelings and explain its got to the point that your thinking of leaving him unless he grows up and acts like a man.
Set a time frame. Work towards it and if not met leave.
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (8 June 2016):
 "This is my problem. I know I can't be with someone like him... I don't have the patience to wait for him to change and grow up...."
So there's you problem AND solution. DON'T bother waiting for him to grow up. Part ways with him.... and hope that when you next take up a relationship, that it will be with an ADULT man...
Good luck....
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