A
male
age
30-35,
*Bongs
writes:Guys can you please tell me why is this happening, I mean its not like I'm ugly or anything and I even have good future ahead of and most I'm importantly I know what I want in my life. But why am I still single? why can't the normal thing of having a girlfriend in my like any young man does? why is it so hard to tell a girl that I like how I feel for her? why am I still a virgin? I try and try to make up good words that I can use to an attractive woman, and sometimes I just get scared and/ having lost for words and that has made me to look bad to most women who I have approached in the past and it has reduced my confidence. I feel so hopeless lonely, and sometimes I get depressed when I see couples spending time together when I think that I'm lonely and wanting what I don't know if I will have. why is this happening to me?
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male
reader, Freeride_Biker  +, writes (22 July 2011):
Even though there are 1000's of girls out there sometimes it can be hard even if you are a halfway decent looking guy. Most people do meet through friends of friends etc which lets the chick know you better and start to become attracted to you. In my experience girls wont be very interested in you if you seem desperate, you need to just stay friendly and let things progress instead of trying to jump straight into things because that will chase her away. Dont rely on pickup lines they are cheesy and you wont get a decent lady with them. Also if you are going out to try "pickup" ladies dont always go to the same place that have no luck with, try new places- more decent pubs or bars attract nicer females in my opinion rather than a scungy nightclub that seem to attract the less desirable and non girlfriend worthy.
Dont make trying to get a lady your only hobbie get something you enjoy like a sport you love, that will help you through the harder times of getting a nice lady and shows the chick you have a life and things going for you-you never know depending on the interest you have you might meet someone with the same interests which is an easy starting point if you are abit shy.
And while your single enjoy your time to do what you want because it wont be forever and you will miss it to some degree (just my point of view!)
Most of all be yourself because you cant put up a fake wall forever, the lovely lady needs to like you for the person you are.
A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (21 July 2011):
 It's not "happening" to you. This isn't some proof of you being a nut case. I didn't have a proper relationship until I was 19. I saw it as perfectly normal, hadn't met the right guy yet.
Give yourself time to find the right one for you, and not pressure yourself into "needing" to have a girl. A girlfriend isn't supposed to fulfill you, you need to find your happiness by yourself. Otherwise it will choke any relationship because you will be too clingy and needy. Find peace being who you are, on your own, then you will be ready for a relationship where you are able to give, and not take.
I like to think that if you're feeling lonely, a dog could do the trick. Or a new friend. If a dog could do the job, and make you happy and excited, then it isn't a partner you really need, it's company you need. Which you can find somewhere else than in a partner as well.
I like to think that a partner, in theory, is for giving to, not for taking from. If you feel you've got love to give, and want to share great things, then you're ready for a relationship. If what you feel is being lonely, left out, desperate, needy, jealous... then you're not ready for a relationship.
Anyway, you're just young, that's it. And you're NOT alone! There are sooooo many in the exact same position as you, who just need to give themselves more time to find love, on the right terms. It'll happen to you too, don't worry.
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A
male
reader, Freeride_Biker +, writes (21 July 2011):
Even though there are 1000's of girls out there sometimes it can be hard even if you are a halfway decent looking guy. Most people do meet through friends of friends etc which lets the chick know you better and start to become attracted to you. In my experience girls wont be very interested in you if you seem desperate, you need to just stay friendly and let things progress instead of trying to jump straight into things because that will chase her away. Dont rely on pickup lines they are cheesy and you wont get a decent lady with them. Also if you are going out to try "pickup" ladies dont always go to the same place that have no luck with, try new places- more decent pubs or bars attract nicer females in my opinion rather than a scungy nightclub that seem to attract the less desirable and non girlfriend worthy, think outside the box get out there and go to events that might interest you. Dont make trying to get a lady your only hobby, get something you enjoy like a sport you love, that will help you through the harder times of getting a nice lady and shows the chick you have a life and things going for you-you never know depending on the interest you have you might meet someone with the same interests which is an easy starting point if you are abit shy.And while your single enjoy your time to do what you want because it wont be forever and you will miss it to some degree (just my point of view!) Most of all be yourself because you can't put up a fake wall forever, the lovely ladyneeds to like you for the person you are
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A
female
reader, Moo's Mum  +, writes (21 July 2011):
 The best way to meet people is to be on common ground. So join some clubs and take some classes in something you are interested in e.g gym, art, cooking, pottery etc. This way you meet up with people who like the same things you do and you have an instant conversation starter. Try to be yourself around women. We can tell when someone is trying to be "cool" and it's off putting. Just talk to women like they are your sister or mother and you will be fine. Also (This is will sound terribly cliche'd) but you are still very young so don't panic there's plenty of time yet.
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