A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:So I'm all set to move in with my boyfriend next week. We signed the lease tonight, for a year, and we're handing it over to the real estate agent on monday. Doesn't a year seem like a long time? We've been together 11 months - and while that's been great, how am I supposed to know the next year will be good too? In this town, renting houses is competitive so if you break a lease (say, because of breaking up with your boyfriend) you'll never be able to rent anywhere else. How do I know if this is right? We had work drinks tonight and I was telling someone I was moving in with my boyfriend, so he said "wow, you guys work together and now you're going to live together too - what's your exit strategy?" And you know what - I don't have an exit strategy! Every other guy I've been with, I've freaked out at the prospect of spending a whole weekend together. But this guy I hardly spend a night away from. But still I feel like I do need an exit strategy. I want to live with him, but how do I have an exit strategy with us living together? I never thought I'd meet a guy who was so exactly what i'm looking for so I want this to work out. I truly love him. So why am I so freaked out? Is that normal when thinking about moving in together?A couple of weeks ago we went to his brother's engagement party. After the speeches, while we were both a little tipsy, he told me he had to really hold himself back from standing up and asking me to marry him. I was so incredibly happy at that point - I'm getting teary now just thinking about it - I've never been so happy. So why am I so worried about us moving in? Reply to this Question
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male
reader, VulgaR  +, writes (11 February 2011):
It's been 11 months...When that guy mentioned something of an exit strategy, you should have confidently stated that you love your boyfriend and don't think under such negative terms.
Im sure you know the type of guy your boyfriend is and whether or not the relationship could progress, after 11 months, you seem to be very much in love with him so just go with that.
I understand you may be nervous that something will eventually happen between the two of you but thinking like that will only serve to spoil the current positive moments you are sharing with him. You will in fact end this relationship with all the pressure and anxiety your experiencing.
My only advice would be to share your feelings with your boyfriend and ask if this move makes the most sense for the both of you and proceed from there.
A
female
reader, TEM +, writes (11 February 2011):
 It seems you don't have a lot of faith in relationships. Are you a product of divorced parents? Have you seen more relationships fail than succeed in your life?
Your boyfriends feels more sure, but there is always risk. No relationship is 100% breakup proof. It would help if you went into it with a more optimistic attitude, however. You do need to do a little soul searching about your feelings regarding this relationship. You need to ask yourself why you are unsure. Is it just that this person planted a seed of doubt in your mind over work drinks, or is there something about your relationship that has you worried?
Best to figure it out now. If not, then just "worst case scenario it out." What's the worst that could happen? You could split up as a couple, but remain roommates for the duration of the lease. If this seems likely and intolerable, best to find a way out. It may not be too late.
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