Why am I so uncomfortable with one of the most natural things out there?

Tagged as: Health, Sex

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Question - (15 August 2014)

2 Answers - (Newest, 16 August 2014)

A female age 30-35, anonymous writes:

Okay so this might get a little lengthy but I have to share it because it's bothered me all my life and currently I can't sleep at the moment because the thoughts won't leave my brain.

I do have to give some background about myself but to sum up the issue, the topic is;

I am very uncomfortable with all things sexual/intimate.

No sex

No masturbation

No nudity

No innuendos

No "that's what she said jokes"

No laughing at phallic shaped objects like most people my age do.

These things don't make me laugh they make me roll my eyes. They make me uncomfortable to discuss.

Basically I've always wondered why I've been this way, especially when I've grown in a day and age where everyone brags about having sex and people are raging with hormones and dying to lose their virginity. For God's sake there's 10 year olds nowadays that have already had sex.

So why am I different?

Why does nudity and sex and masturbation all bother me?

I have always been someone that was aware of sex but never felt the desire to have sex. Yes I've had crushes on boys but I never wanted to see what's in their pants. If anything th most I ever even remotely thought about was kissing.

The problem is most people would say I'm immature for finding sex to be slightly gross. I know it's natural but the idea of ME having sex or having anyone see me naked makes me very uncomfortable. But how will I ever have a successful relationship if I refuse to open up a sexual side. (To be honest I've never been in any type of relationship before so I do feel like this is part of the problem). I'm sorry but with today's sex-obsessed generation I don't think I'd have very good luck with finding a guy who would agree to not having sex right away and to no oral sex. There is definitely no way that I would ever feel comfortable with that.

But the thing is, it's not that I'm never aroused by anything. I'm still normal in that sense. But the reason for that is where I think my issue stems from.

When I was younger, probably between the range of 7th-9th grade, I discovered porn. Now my parents never sheltered me against raunchy movies but there was a part of me that believed I would get in trouble if anyone knew I was watching porn.

I had a tv in my room and would flip through the channels at night. I found one channel that was very fuzzy but still had a visible picture. It was CineMaxx. For those that don't know it's like a pay-per-view special channel that would broadcast adult shows and movies late at night. I don't know if I was just curious or what but I was addicted. I would watch it every night, but I was afraid of being caught and would watch it with the volume low or on mute.

Now I know porn sex isn't real sex and I imagine real sex being a lot messier but I couldn't stop watching it. However that's how I've been sexually aroused is simply by imagining the scenes I used to watch or making up my own. However, keep in mind that it's never the idea of me having sex that turns me on its just imagining random people. But I have no desire to masturbate, I find that to be really gross. Is that normal?

Basically I feel that because I always felt guilty about watching porn that maybe that's why I feel like sex isn't necessarily wrong but just dirty and way too intimate for a person as shy as myself.

But I feel so secluded from my generation when I find out my friends both older and younger have already had sex. I have no desire to but I feel like they're at a point in life that I can't relate to or discuss simply because it makes me uncomfortable and makes me feel almost pressured into experiencing it soon so I'm not seen as strange.

I really want to know what it is that makes me like this. It doesn't feel normal.