A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I need help. I am a 35 year old woman who has a ridiculous crush on someone who is totally uninterested in me and I cannot for the life of me stop thinking about him.We met over a year ago and had a bit of friendly banter. A few months later he asked for my number and we went on a couple of dates. He then tells me he doesn’t want to see me again. I was surprised but accepted it.A few months pass absolutely fine. Then one day I bump into him and for the next month I seemed to see him everywhere I went. On a few occasions we chatted and things were pleasant. I now haven’t seen him for a couple of weeks but I can’t get him out of my head. Everywhere I go I’m hoping to bump into him, even though I know it’s unlikely. Every morning I wake up and check my phone, hoping to have had a message from him overnight.He said he wasn’t interested and I feel so stupid, I’m older and wiser than to be crushing on someone that clearly isn’t interested. I hoped that this would get better with time but every time I find myself thinking of him less, I seem to bump into him again and it takes me back to square one.I’m realistic enough to know that as much as I liked him, we probably weren’t compatible and even on those couple of dates there were a few things about him that I found quite off putting, so why am I so fixated on him? I’ve dealt with rejection no problem before but there’s something about him that I can’t seem to let go of and it’s driving me mad!
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male
reader, kenny +, writes (18 December 2020):
 You can't stop thinking all the time because you have not met anyone else to take your mind off of him.
I know its hard to meet people at the moment due to the current pandemic situation, but even if you started chatting to someone new with the potential it would divert your mind away from this guy.
You went on some dates with him, he was not into you. Well that's life, you need to accept this, pick yourself up and dust yourself down and move on telling yourself it was his loss.
We all have control over the thoughts we think, so when ever he comes into your mind change your thoughts and think about someone else. Do things to take your mind of of him, a walk, a run, a book a film.
Time is the healer of all things, these feelings your having will dissipate, the help that you seek, and the only one who can truly help you is yourself.
A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (17 December 2020):
 I kind of agree with Code Warrior,
You want what you can't have, and you want him because he rejected you, so you can SHOW him HE made a mistake.
Why can't you get him out of your head? My guess?
1. you can't get out and meet new people ( due to the Plague) so we tend to "stick" with those we have met already. So I think this can be part boredom (due to the Plague and limited socializing) and part wanting to meet someone.
2. You don't really understand WHY he rejected you. ( and here is a hint, OP - you don't have to.) So you might think that he might change his mind. (another hint.. he won't).
OP, the whole point of DATING or going on dates is to SEE if the other person can be a good fit. He didn't feel YOU are. So, why so hooked on him? I'm not sure. If I knew that someone was NOT interested I might be a little hurt at first (especially if I liked the guy) but after that? I would ACCEPT it and let it go. I would BLOCK and delete his number and IF I saw him when out and about.. I'd say a quick hi and move on. No stopping to chit chat, he lost that when he rejected me. Though I can be civil and say hi, THAT is it.
NIP it in the bud whenever he pops into your head. TRY yo stop obsessing over someone who isn't wanting to be a part of your life.
And remember this... THE more you HOPE to meet him when out and about and looking for him while out... you MIGHT just miss out on a guy who is RIGHT for you and whom YOU are right for too. Because you are so busy chasing this unavailable guy.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (17 December 2020): People react to rejection in weird and inexplicable ways. Some take "no" to mean "yes." Some see rejection as a personal-insult, to imply they're not good enough! Some people think that it's a challenge; almost a dare to escalate their pursuit, believing you're only playing hard to get. The worse case scenario is someone infatuated; who obsesses and decides to stalk and become a fanatic-follower. Almost feeding on the energy from being rejected.
You weren't accidentally running into him everywhere. You know where he was likely to show-up; and you made sure to run into him.
To put it bluntly...cut it out! Just stop it!!!
You're a grown-woman. If someone isn't interested, you leave them alone no matter how you feel about them!!!
Your over-developed sense of entitlement will provoke you to ignore rejection; because you feel you've got to have whatever or whomever you want, just because!
You may be compelled to show him he's making a big mistake. Your mind is telling you that you've got to be with this guy at any cost! Bet you can't write down 10 good reasons you should? He's rude to you to boot!
Don't go looney over seeking his approval. Nothing hinges on you having it. He's a teardrop in an ocean of men; and you have more to choose from!
If you feel compulsive, and you can't clear your mind; go find yourself a hobby, go take care of your elderly-relatives who need someone to run errands for them. Travel alternate routes to get to essential destinations. You're under limited covid-shutdown and restrictions; and shouldn't be running amuck anyway! Find constructive and intellectual-ways to busy your mind and your hands; when thoughts about him invade your mind.
I strongly suggest that you download ebooks about breaking free of infatuations or obsessive crushes. Read them completely from start to finish; until you become an expert on the topic.
If that fails, seek professional counseling. I doubt this will be necessary. You've decided to place your common sense and self-control mechanisms on standby; because your ego was bruised. You resent the fact the guy had the nerve to reject you; so you can't get him out of your head.
Regardless of your gender, economic status, race, creed, or religion..."No" means NO!!! When you let uninterested-people or useless things monopolize your thoughts; it means you have too much idle-time on your hands, or you don't utilize your time and options wisely.
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