A
female
age
36-40,
*hhhhhhhhhh
writes:I love my boyfriend so much, but I find myself angry ALL the time.He's betrayed me a few times in the past and broken many promises, but now we have started our relationship a new and appart from my anger it's wonderful.I feel happy when I'm with him, but it's long distance over the summer months. When ever I think about him, I think of things he's done wrong in the past and I think through arguments with him in my head. When ever I talk to him on the phone I either bring up the past and we end up arguing or I talk to him about what one of his friends (who he sees everyday) has recently done, which I feel was morally wrong and we end up agruing about that. We have come close to breaking up many, many times. Why am I so angry and paranoide all the time. I feel so angry, but I'm so sad when we end up fighting. It's detsroying our relationship... I deperately don't want to loose him but I feel as though it's going to happen very soon. How can I stop myself from feeling this distrust and feeling so angry all the time?
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female
reader, mylittlenana  +, writes (19 August 2010):
 its krazy but everythng u wrote is what is happening to me.. exactly everything.. i thought i was the only angry person out here in this world.. but thanks to all of u i dont feel so alone anymore.. my husband of 7yrs also cheated on me when i was 8mths pregnant with our 2nd child.. and till this day he has never explained why he did it.. honestly i still sometimes think he is cheating on me with someone else but i dont know .. i'm paranoid .. i think.. i wonder if it was me.. maybe because i never wanted him touching me or because that i'm ugly to him, or fat.. or maybe she was alot better than me .. in my heart i think it is because SHE IS BETTER THAN ME... this happend in 2007 .. and i am still hurting from it.. i act like i dont.. but i do.. i try to be strong .. hold it in. but on days like today i explode.. i am angry all the time.. my poor kids get yelled at and sometimes for no reason.. i need help.. i'm sorry if this didnt help u but honestly i need someone to share my feelings with because this journal thing isn't working..
A
female
reader, SugarCookie +, writes (7 June 2008):
I am in the same boat as you! If your boyfriend is anything like mine then he never wants to talk about the past and gets mad that you do. I bet that he never has explained why he did whatever it was that he did wrong and you cant trust him because you still dont understand what it was that made him do those bad things. I think that you haven't forgiven him and you cant let the past go because without an explaination of why then you wonder if it will happen again since you dont know what triggered it. I think that you are angry because you dont understand and it make you insecure which no one likes to feel. Unfortunately nothing will be solved unless he is willing to talk and sometimes guys just wont because they feel to guilty! Also they feel that if they apologise then everything is better but to girls it doesn't work that way because "I'm sorry" are just words and his actions may not say that. Your relationship cant start new if the past really isn't forgiven. I haven't found the solution yet to get a guy talking and because of that I dont know how to forgive the past!
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A
male
reader, rcn +, writes (7 June 2008):
 Let me apologize up front for the term. In psychology it's called "mental masterbation." It is a form of being paranoid. You keep trying to justify or receive answers to justify his past behavior.
Have you forgiven him for his past behavior? Have you forgiven yourself for your anger? If not, do so.
Remember, we are all responsible for our own behavior, and our emotions. If you choose to be angry, you own it. If your choose to stop being angry, that's your decision as well.
Asside from your initial question, remember this. You are better than to have to accept or put up with being betrayed. Demand respect. Demand the way you want to be treated. If someone doesn't treat you well, it's okay to say goodbye and move on. You are number one in your life, and deserve to be treated as such.
Take care.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 June 2008): I have empathy with you. It must be very difficult to want to make the relationship work on one hand and have this anger and resentment on the other. I am trying to understand what caused the anger and the resentment, you mentioned "broken promises and things he have done wrong"; I suggest you should try and come to terms with those issues if you want this relationship to work; without dealing with that, you are wasting your time and his. I know this might sound harsh, but you cannot just move on and try and start new, if you have not resolved those issues.I urge you to take stock within yourself and if need be get professional help to get those issues resolved, only then will you be able to continue with this relationship. It is also good to free yourself from emotions such as anger, but in the right way, taking it out on him is not the solution, neither is bottling it up, maybe consider a cause in anger management or even a book on it.Good luck!
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