A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hard to say this. I broke up with my ex in Feb 2005. Yes that long ago! I have been single pretty much since then, no significant relationship since. I moved location mid-2007 (but a non-English speaking country). When I go out with my friends for dinner/drinks I do meet, attract men and have great time with them. So part of me thinks it's not simply my appearance/size (I'm not complete stunner and my BMI is around 28 - pretty much a normal lady!). I just can't seem to transfer meeting men over a drink, laugh and sometimes a cheeky kiss (before you ask never one night stands!) to actually them wanting to date me. I never ask for a guy's number and do not think I appear desperate (okay, maybe once recently lol). It used to be so easy in my early to mid-20s and now as I hit my early thirties, it is becoming mission impossible. No man seems to be interested past our initial meeting. Now I'm worried that I will be single for my thirties and miss out on marriage and fertility (but obviously I don't want to settle for just anyone...).I am independent, fairly successful in my job, etc so not needy. Friends have suggested I simply give off an air of wanting the best of the best, of high expectations. I do want to meet someone special and friends again have told me it will happen when I least expect it. I simply think that I must be far more ugly and dull than I think I am but then if that was the case I would not meet anyone (or do all the men I meet have beer googles on?! Hopefully not all of them...lol). I have met so many apparently nice men only to be let down soon after meeting them. It's actually depressing.Please don't tell me to join clubs and get out there and meet men! I have joined various clubs, I'm a member of a gym, I play sports and my job is male dominated so even when I'm not out socialising, I meet and come into contact with men at work all the time (don't agree with personal relationships with colleagues though - it almost asks for trouble!). Please also don't tell me that I need to love myself before someone loves me - I'm working hard at the gym just now to lose the weight that makes my confidence drop (ie get to BMI of 25). Can anyone shed some light and pass on their advice on my poor state of love life? Anyone with similar past experiences?
View related questions:
at work, broke up, confidence, my ex, one night stand Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, RAINORFIRE  +, writes (11 September 2009):
 WELL ill do one better then cross my fingers ll pray for you God provides for us all, ask and you shall receive.
A
female
reader, dearkelja +, writes (9 September 2009):
 Best of luck to you. Don't give up hope. That's too bad about the teacher. I agree, it's hard when you finally find someone and they decide you aren't for them for maybe what are superficial reasons.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 September 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHi Rainorfire. Thank you kindly for replying and trying to boost my confidence again. You know, what you say is what I have been told by friends. Most recent man interest was a teacher and I am certain that status/salary/lifestyle was coming into the equation when he decided I wasn't for him. Gosh it hurts a little as I really liked him, first time in ages that I had that achey feeling about someone.I can only live in hope that somewhere out there, there is a gentleman who I will find extraordinary (and vice versa ;)) and he will make me happy and whole again :) Have your fingers (and why not, toes too) crossed for me.
...............................
A
male
reader, RAINORFIRE +, writes (8 September 2009):
you seem like a fairly attractive and successful woman, many guys can be intimidated by that, men are brought up to be the providers, if they meet a woman that has everything for ex a bigger house then them a nicer car and a larger salary, the man will feel as if he has nothing to offer you. Independent women can be a huge turn on it can be an ego boost say if the highschool Janitor was able to pick up the 7 figure making CEO of Playtex.
But in reality most men wont feel comfortable having a long term relationship with a woman that is in other words out of his league.
We live in an age where women are increasingly becoming a major force in the work place there the bosses managers and ceo's increasingly takng over male dominated positions.
Its actually being pretty well documented that women of certain age groups and social standards are finding it difficult to find a partner.
The problem is men can wait till there 40 to start a family but women are racing that ever so important fertility clock.
My advice be more aggressive try talking to some men a bit older then you.
" I never ask for a guy's number and do not think I appear desperate" well asking a guy for his number doesnt make you appear desperate it lets him no you like him and puts the ball in his court, also it shows your grown ass independent women that knows what she wants.
This post makes me wonder how women like Tyra banks Or Britney spears ever get a date what kind of guy would actually have the nerve to ask out a woman like that of course they dont talk to men that have game they talk to men who actually play in the game but stll.
well good luck hope i was of some use
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 September 2009): I can relate, at 40 I found myself divorced, and dating. I meet the ex in college, where I was surrounded by single women (huge University, +50K students). at 40, I was working, had been through a crazy 18 month divorce (she was not all there, and it took forever- once I got in mediation, it took 24 hours...) I came out in really good shape financially, but the emotional pain lingered and it took another year+ before I was ready to start dating. The internet was a disaster - I met several women my age, all divorced, most with kids (like kids, just never felt like being a Dad)... lots of women with either baggage or a nasty ex-husband...I got involved with a leadership group and a guy in my class set me up on a blind date. Three dates later it was on, and 10+ years later we're doing great.Sometimes it takes a stranger to help, and frankly, I nearly blew it many times, before it even happened... almost passed on the class, kept telling him I wasn't interested... etc.I know several women that don't seem to be dating and they're all interesting, nice, smart, funny... I can't figure it out... good luck, I hope in some way this helps... I'm not sure, could it be as simple as telling a few freinds that you're ready to be in a serious relationship?
...............................
A
female
reader, dearkelja +, writes (8 September 2009):
I think it is not you. I think it is a sign of the times. I believe the dating scene is on overload with all the internet dating. No-one is content these days to date the person next to them because "golly gee...what about that stunner who just IM'd me".
I have been divorced for 2 years and am really struggling to find anyone to date. I've been in activities, internet dating, love myself, good job, think I'm attractive...same as you...but I am 50. If I had the answer for you, I'd be out on a date and not helping you...and thus, you'd be on a date and not needing my help.
I simply think there are too many options for people. All I can say is, enjoy your life and maybe someone will come along.
...............................
|
