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female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes: I feel positively stupid. And ugly... especially ugly. Long story short: I met a guy, we liked each other but it's long distance, so there's no chance it'd work... we met once a couple months ago and had a great date, we got along great, and yes, slept together (back then I thought, it might well be the only time I see him now, so let's go for it *I DON'T NORMALLY DO THIS*). Tht night he was really sweet and told me he really felt a connection and that he wished we lived closer so we could have a relationship.Of course, with distance between us we both knew it'd lead to nothing although we kept talking. I'm not naive and I knew from the beginning that eventually he'd be with someone else... today he wrote to tell me he missed me tons... and then told me that yesterday he slept with someone else and that it wasn't special like it was with me. I understand he was trying to make a point that what we had was better and he's still not over it (like I'm not over it), that it was supposed to be a sweet thing (in his mind I think), and he even said that I "let his best side surface". But still, I felt awful. I played it cool and joked around telling him he flattered me, he told me he was being serious so I just said OK. But I truly felt sad, and ugly... I don't know why, but these types of situations make me feel SO UGLY. I've never felt pretty to begin with, so that might be it, and I know girls where he lives are really hot and beautiful. I talked to hi on Facebook just now and asked him, candidly and in a joking tone, why he had told me those things earlier? I said "in my experience, guys don't usually do that". I think he took it the wrong way or something because he said "I don't feel like explaining it to you now, but don't worry I won't be honest about such things again. Gotta go".Why do guys do this? Just a few weeks ago he told me he missed me, and I said I missed him too, that I still like him... if he KNOWS I still like him, why, why, WHY would he tell me about his sexual encounters? I haven't slept with anyone, but if I did, it's my business and I don't think I'd tell him, not even to tell him he was better. Why? I just don't get it, it doesn't make sense, really... why be honest about it? And I know we're not dating or anything, but I'd think it's common sense, he knows about my feelings for him and tells me something that well... nobody likes to know the person they have feelings for slept with someone else!Sorry for the rant... I just don't see the point!? And how can I stop feeling both STUPID and UGLY? I just look in the mirror and see such an ugly woman, and I feel stupid for having feelings for a guy who lives so far away, and being unable to move on... I've met good guys over here, but none of them have that "spark", and I have a lot going on in my life, and yet... here I am, being all stupid over it. Like it hurt my ego, I don't know. Maybe it's because I also recently learned that my overly possessive ex cheated on me numerous times, so maybe I feel a bit used, like I'm not special enough for guys to stay exclusive.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (26 May 2013): What's the difference between a thief who steals from everyone and a thief who only steals from people they might not ever see again? Nothing. They are both thieves.
That applies to sleeping around casually too. If you only live by certain moral ground rules when it benefits you then you don't really live by those morals. Its just an act.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 May 2013): You can be special and exclusive to a guy when you stop conducting yourself the way you have been doing so. For starters, if you sleep with a guy when you first meet him, you have already set yourself up for being the "right now" girl. It doesn't matter if "you don't normally do this". Just stop doing it. Guys know this, so in order to get you in bed again, he will say all kinds of things to get you there. When you hold yourself with respect and require the same from a man, it will hold his attention and if he likes you and wants to get to know you better, the two of you will not have sex until then. You are setting yourself up to be a doormat. It's not that you are ugly. Use your god given brain, believe that you are worthy of a respectable man, behave and dress appropriately when you meet new guys, don't make suggestive sexual comments, ask them about themselves, find guys with similar interests, etc. The rest will come. Oh ya, he told you those things because he thought you were just a girl to hook up with and he was doing the same and figured you were too so it wouldn't hurt to tell you that he slept with another girl. He misses you because he would surely love another romp in the sheets with you. I can bet you anything the outcome of your date would have been a lot different if you had not slept with him. If he really did feel there was a connection and he really did like you, he would have about moved mountains to get to you and to find a way to make it work. But if he's just into sleeping around and not interested in a relationship, you would have eventually faded out for him, unless you came to see him again. You had a test of character, and that didn't work out so well. Just move on and learn from this. Don't do it again.
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