A
female
age
26-29,
*arahbeara23
writes:I dont quite get it. Im 22, have been having sex since i was 16. I've never really been one for it thoughm and it seems like the older i get the less it even interests me.My boyfriend and i have been together for 2 years and things were hot and great at the beginning. He still turns me on. I can feel being horny just i cant seem to get wet at all and idk why. Hes tried buying me a toy vibrator to see if that would help, but it just feels wrong to me to use. I don't masturbate, have tried it does nothing, tried porn, cant find the kind for me or i just have no interest in it. I am 22! I wanna be able to have sex why cant i!?
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reader, anonymous, writes (3 January 2019): Not naturally lubricating doesn't mean you're not interested in sex.
I think you mean you get worked-up and turned-on; but then you lose your desire before and during the act, and can't naturally lubricate. Sometimes that's due to stress, poor diet, or a lack of rest. Sometimes it's a side-effect from smoking, drugs, or alcohol.
Talk to your gynecologist and determine if there might be anything wrong. You're still contradicting yourself by saying you get turned-on; but you're not interested in sex. You can always buy an over-the-counter lubricant.
It doesn't mean you're not interested in sex; because you don't get wet. You don't seem to know your body. If you're not getting aroused enough to naturally lubricate; then just use a water-soluble lubricant from your pharmacy. Maybe you need more foreplay to warm you up. A gynecological exam will let you know if there's a medical issue.
Sex is just as much in year head, as it is a physical-act. You may not be as into sex as you used to be. Your sex-drive can fluctuate from time to time. If it has been a long-term issue; you need to see a specialist, not just a general-practitioner. You may need to be checked for fibroids.
A
female
reader, sarahbeara23 +, writes (2 January 2019):
sarahbeara23 is verified as being by the original poster of the question@wiseowlE
Ive had a full check up with my ob not even 3 months ago. I am in love with my bf and by being turned on but not wanting to do anything i mean. I can like feel it down there i wanna do something but every time we go to do something im not wet, i just dont get wet and i sont get it.
I dont think it was a bad sexual experience, yes i started having sex at 16 but ive only ever been with 3 men and theyve all been year lomg relationships or more.
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reader, anonymous, writes (2 January 2019): Maybe it's not the physical act of intercourse; but the emotional-attachment is no longer there. Arousal for some people is attached to their emotions and feelings for their partner. You talk about all the ways you've tried to get yourself aroused. Have you had a complete health check-up?
I think the bigger question is, are you still in-love with your boyfriend? You contradict your entire post when you say he turns you on; but at the same time claim you have no interest in sex.
Sometimes a bad sexual-experience, or a traumatic- experience that involved abuse or sexual-assault in the past; will leave something buried deep in your subconscious-memory. Even if you've suppressed it for many years or fight it; it could be making its way back to the surface.
It might be necessary to see a therapist to make sure there isn't something you've been suppressing since you were 16. That's pretty young to begin having sex; and most often, girls are manipulated into it. They think it was consensual; because they liked the boy, but deep down they weren't really ready. So flashbacks occur every-time they have sex.
There is also guilt from over-conditioning, where young girls are told sex is bad, or slutty behavior. It may have been relentlessly stressed you should wait until marriage, or "burn in hell." Not that abstinence or being virtuous is a bad thing; but the over-emphasizing how bad "she is" for doing it, can seriously traumatize a young person with guilt and remorse. Inner-conflict will kill your desire.
If you grew-up in a very religious environment, your parents were strict or conservative, and very deep-rooted in cultural-tradition; your upbringing can nag at you about your behavior. Maybe you're ready to settle-down; and want a more meaningful commitment from your man. You may fear pregnancy before you're ready for motherhood.
I am a Christian. I have to mention I do not advocate against anyone's religious convictions. If you feel by faith casual-sex is an act in contradiction to your faith; I am not one to stand in the way of that. I don't believe in meaningless-sex, or promiscuity that could put you at risk to STD's or unwanted pregnancy. That's just me.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 January 2019): Is this a lack of self confidence? You say things can be hot and you feel turned on but when it comes to it you clam up. I was never really bothered about sex when i was younger, i felt the build up was better than the actual act. I think this is a self confidence thing not only about how wet you are and also how confident you are to use toys etc. You have to find what you are comfortable with, i am in my forties, i don't watch porn and rarely use toys into foreplay if it doesn't suit you it doesn't. How about building your confidence, do you exercise, do hobbies that increase confidence? I lost a lot of weight last year and it did wonders for my confidence, i was happier to walk around in sexy lingerie and stilettos. And also it is maybe an age thing, rather than feeling less sexy as i have got older i feel more sexy and it helps being with a man i love, that also plays a massive factor...I am sure you will get extra advice and tips but that is my thoughts to your question
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