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female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Why am I not happy in my relationship sometimes? I love him so much, this I know; but when he goes out with his friends, or goes on trips without me, I get mad at him. I don't know why I'm like this. I get so bothered if he even mentions the idea of doing something or going somewhere without me. How can I prevent myself from feeling this way? Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (7 August 2009): i agree dont txt him or call him or email him he'll be gutted if he doesnt hear from you for two weeks something will hit him and think shit maybe it is really over and its not just like the usual arguments and stuff.Boys are tw**s together especially on boy holidays i have an older brother and he always tells me what him and his mates get up too and no ladys would approve especially their girlfriends!I think your better off and dont worry ALL relationships are like this especially after 2 years!
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female
reader, pinktopaz +, writes (7 August 2009):
I think you're handling him "breaking up" with you very well. I think you should leave it as it is. Don't call him/text/email, whatever while he's on vacation. When he gets back and notices that he hasn't heard a peep from you he'll call you. Yes, the friends that we believe are bad influences--no good. My last boyfriend hung around this guy that I COULD NOT STAND! He was influencing him to slack off at work and do drugs (and these idiots are in the military). But you also have to realize that he's an adult and is making his own decision, so what can you really do? Also, there is some truth the the cliche, "birds of a feather flock together."
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reader, anonymous, writes (7 August 2009): Lol, sorry to imply that you are clingly on your title. I didn't know he was so flirtacious in your original post. Our jobs moderating are to read the question and come up with a title that is relevant and that we think will capture other peoples' attention so that it gets read as many times as possible. Thus, your title.
The link I posted because I saw the question yesterday and it was as if you were his gf. I figured you weren't, but I thought it may help you to see through what his point of veiw MIGHT be for your getting angry when he tries to leave without you, and what other people would advise HIM to do.
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reader, anonymous, writes (7 August 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionOh thanks for the link too! I feel like I can kind of relate to that situation..but actually, I never thought I was clingy until I read the responses and the title my question was assigned! Oh my..well I always thought I didn't like him hanging out with his friends because he's a big flirt..and the previous negatives I mentioned.
Another thing is, most of the time when he wants to go on trips with his friends, he'll ask me to join. But I can't. You see, I'm almost 24 years old, but I live in an extremely strict asian household. I'm not allowed to stay out "too late" and definitely not allowed to stay out overnight. My friends have all gotten past this stage and rebelled and now they stay out however late they want. But me..I never rebelled and now I'm stuck in a place I hate and resent.
My bf (or ex if he really is breaking up with me) is a really great guy for putting up with me and my family's rules for the past 2 years (he's actually my first bf as well). I guess I should have expected that he would get fed up with it sooner or later. I know it sounds corny, but he was my escape! I never used him to get away from here, I just appreciated him for being there for me.
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reader, anonymous, writes (7 August 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHey, thanks for the responses! I have gone out with my friends when he goes out with his. His friends in my opinion are not good influences either; they drink till they pass out, they stay out all night, they do drugs. I think this is what bothers me too. The thing is, when my friends ask me to hang out, I always choose to hang out with the bf instead because it makes me happy to spend time with him.
We argue a lot. I don't think this is normal. Take for example, yesterday I was feeling a bit down because he decided to go on a trip to costa rica with his guy pals for two weeks. He asked me what was wrong and I said nothing. I know him; if i said it bothers me that he's leaving, he would be upset and say that I'm selfish. So we parted ways and today he says "its just not right that you're not happy when you're with me and I don't want to be with someone like that..I've seriously thought about it and i really think this isn't going to work..its so unfair to me"..so okay..this is through text..so i reply with "i'm going to call you later, but i understand how you feel." and he says "if you understand, there's no reason to call..thanks for understanding"..
So I guess I should just leave it alone now? We've been through phases like this so many times and we always seem to work it out, but its been almost 2 years now and I seriously think our relationship is so dysfunctional. Thoughts? Does melodrama like this happen in every relationship??
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reader, anonymous, writes (7 August 2009): I used to get like that too and id get really worried if i knew he was on a night out with the boys because they were all single and bad influences.
The thing to do is when hes doing anything without you this is the time you should spend with your friends,go on a girly night out,or watch movies in with food,go out for a meal,the cinema theres loads to do and itl keep your mind off him.
To keep your relationship healthy you need to stop worrying and let him spend time with his friends and do what he wants or youll end up pushing him away.
You obviously love him a lot but you deserve to be happy too make him worry a little go out when hes not for a change!
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female
reader, pinktopaz +, writes (7 August 2009):
Where are your friends? Do you ever go out with them? If he does it A LOT and you're not invited, I could imagine feeling left out. But it's good to have friendships outside of your relationship. Your life and happiness shouldn't be based on your boyfriend. When he goes out, then you should go out. Do something with your friends.
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reader, anonymous, writes (7 August 2009): May help:http://www.dearcupid.org/question/shes-clingy-and-melodramatic-and-i-always-end.html
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