A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Why am i jealous of my partners sonI have been with my partner for 3 years now and previously he was in a relationship where they had a child together ..he hates his ex for the cheating that went on when they were together and the child is now 8 years old. he sees him once every week if allowed. the boy still cannot read right spell or count but this is not down to a mental problem but more to do with his background..I have tried my very best to include myself and have made the effort to take them both out on fun days out and help where possible .but i find it very difficult as the child does not wish to learn or interact and is not being pushed in the right direction by his mother.my partner does his best when he has him but im ashamed to say i am jealous of the time they have together. Most of the time when he has him i have to work but then find myself getting jealous when i ask what sort of a day they had.My partner does not talk to his ex the only communication is via text each week to confirm that he will be seeing his son.We have discussed having children ourselves as i love him so much but i feel my jealousy for this child is getting in the way it has caused numerous fights between us and i fear we will one day finish because of it.My partner fails to inclued me where his son is concerned and doesnt communicate with me before deciding to change the day on which he has him..i feel then like im being petty when i get angry and i feel guilty as i know he only sees him once a week .Can anyone help at all as i feel like im the only person in the world that is jealous of there partners son.
View related questions:
his ex, jealous, text Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 August 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you every one who replied . i have found that pushing myself into the situation a little more has been helping and my partner now tells me that he would prefer it if i was more involved. i do enjoy spending time with both of them ..and the son is great with me we do do lots of fun things together. Me and my partner have discussed having children and maybe one day soon that will happen. My partner is not very vocal and has a very bitter relationship with his ex and at one stage he would contact her regarding his son behind closed doors i think that was where we were in fact going wrong i felt he wanted me to join in with his son ..but push me out where the ex was concerned which was in fact very difficult as we live in a very small town and i bump into her quite often ..in fact i dont have a twisted bone in my body and i truly believe there are two sides to every story so i actually get along withher better than he does. we now are more open with each other.
I cant say i dont have the odd jealous moment .but i believe i can put that down to human nature and im working through it as i love my partner and after all his son is part of him .
A
female
reader, Incunabulum  +, writes (22 August 2010):
There's always a reason people feel the way they do. Don't be ashamed, guilty, or discredit yourself for it. You are a good person who obviously loves their husband. Actually, you probably love him so much that you're maybe even a bit jealous of his son, because his son gets alot of his love and affection, and is, in a way, a symbol of a part of your partners life that you were not a part of. You are the adult, however, and you need to put yourself out of the equation a bit where it comes to your partners relationship with his son-- this is sacred to him. Let them do their own thing. The son may be too young to understand having 2 mother-like figures in his life. Wait 'till your husband and his son are ready to have you in their relationship-- remember, the son is the primary concern. Put your jealous feelings aside, and consider what is best for the child.
This is a less selfish approach, but I'm sure that you'll be glad that you did what was in the best interest of the kid ;)
...............................
A
female
reader, spiderweb  +, writes (22 August 2010):
 It's obvious that you recognise that your jealousy is unfair and petty and indeed, you are making life miserable to both your partner and his son in this regard. Lots of women are jealous of step-children, but actually, the best thing to do is to throw yourself wholeheartedly into spending time with the boy, helping him, talking to him and trying to gain his confidence. After awhile, you may even find things you begin to like about him. On no account should you complain to our partner about his son. It will eventually ruin your relationship and only casts you in an unflattering light in the eyes of your partner, friends and family too. You only succeed in coming across as a jealous woman who has taken against a child, who remember, is already enduring a broken home and is far too young to deal with you, an adult who should know better, jealously plotting against him and disliking him for no good reason. You are the adult and the bigger person and its up to you to mend the relationship and try and like this little boy and make him welcome. Your partner will appreciate and love you all the more for your maturity and kindness. It may take awhile to win the boy's trust, but even though it will be difficult, do it for your partner's sake and you will see how everything develops and becomes easier. Trust me on this :)
...............................
|
