| A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes: I just broke up with my bf because he wasnt trying hard enough.There is another guy I know who has liked me at a distance for several years now, and has been talking to me more and more recently. He's everything I'd want in a guy, and has all the qualities that my old bf didnt have.I feel like I should want to be with him, because he's what my ideal bf would be, but no matter what I think or how much we talk, I am not attracted to him at all. All I want to do is get back with my old bf and try again. He wasnt perfect, but I was very attracted to him and he made me very happy when he tried.What is wrong with me and why do I feel this way?
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male
reader, Mark_25_  +, writes (1 March 2011):
 Hey,
I think the problem here is nothing more complicated than the fact that you still have feelings for your old bf. Now I obviously don't know how long you were with him, but if you've just broken up with him, you'll still have feelings for him. Unfortunately, when you break up with someone, the feelings for them are still there, and they take longer to go away. The feeling of wanting to get back with your ex is normal as he was a major part of your life, and despite the negatives you'll still miss him. You need to remember why you broke up with him.
In relation to this other guy, I think the reason you don't feel attracted to him is because you still have feelings for your ex. I'm a huge believer of it's what's inside that counts. Try getting to know him better, meet him regularly etc. Not as dates, just as friends, and you'll start seeing him as more attractive.
I had a similar experience: When I first met this girl, I didn't think she was very attractive at all, but she had a great personality, and like you with this guy, she was everything I'd want in a girl. So me and this girl became close friends over the following year, and all through that time she seemed more and more attractive as I got to know her. We then started going out after having known each other for a year, and I felt like I was going out with the most attractive girl on the planet. So my point is, you might not find him attractive now, but if your willing to get to know him properly, he'll become more attractive to you.
Hope this helps :)
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