A
female
age
41-50,
*merald Girl
writes: Hi, I was just wondering if someone could give me advice I'm with my husband for 16 years married 6 and have two wonderful children we had out up's and down's over the years I've been in and out of counselling due to child abuse and suffer with PTSD but I have come along way.We seemed very happy until, one day while out I was outside a bar chatting to a friend a guy who drinks there came over to me and basically told me he fancied me, I was taken aback and thought nothing of it until 10 months ago I realized I have fallen for this guy my husband caught us staring at each other I try and be places he is I'm hopelessly infatuated with him, he is all I think about he is not your typical tall and handsome but too me he is amazing I can't understand why I feel this way I'm aching I never experienced feels so strong I think he grew impatient with me, and one night I got really drunk and rowdy on front of him I mentally cannot take it anymore. I told my husband my feeling about this man to an extent because my husband does not deserve to be treated badly I tried too forget this man but I can't what should I do!
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reader, anonymous, writes (23 March 2018): What should you do?
Reread the advice you were previously given and actually take it seriously. Your husband might divorce you and take full-custody of your kids.
You might find your feelings for the guy are all a fantasy-driven infatuation. Once he realizes all the details about your illness and your backstory, he might pull a 180-degree on you!
The guy laid some stupid come-on line on you in a bar; not knowing you suffer from mental-disability. You fell for it due to your psychological-issues.
You are likely on prescribed medications for your problems; and you have a drinking-problem, on top of dealing with PTSD.
I presume you've stopped your meds; which is often the case when people come here looking for advice outside of their professional-therapy. They are usually avoiding the advice of their therapist and/or mental-health professionals. Licensed and trained individuals who would also be monitoring your behavior, and whether you are taking your medication as prescribed.
Your fixation on this guy doesn't seem natural. It seems symptomatic of your mental-disorder. I think you're going to lose your family behind this nonsense.
If you can't help it, as you claim; 10 to 1 it is because of your mental-health. Love for the man has nothing to do with it. He wasn't even serious. He was offering you some cheap line and playing with your head.
A
female
reader, emerald Girl +, writes (23 March 2018):
emerald Girl is verified as being by the original poster of the question Thanks everyone for their responses I took something from each of them, I still feel I could have a connection to this man I tried so hard not too think about him, but he is on my mind so much. I never experienced such strong feeling. I've given my husband and kids attention I can honestly say that I have tried to forget him but I can't I know its wrong to go any further but what else to do I don't know. I've controlled my drinking even came clean with my husband telling him I fancied this man he was very annoyed and rightly so I felt so guilty for feeling this way, but I still feel so strong for this man and yes we spoke too each other it felt like a dream this was 3 months ago and there is something there the feelings I felt were euphoric What should I do?
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A
female
reader, femmenoir  +, writes (3 November 2017):
 Firstly, you must do something about your drinking and your drunken behaviour.
You're not in the right frame of mind when you drink to the point of getting drunk, your judgement becomes highly impaired and you cannot make logical, nor rational decisions.
It's not the best move to make, going to bars and getting drunk, at your age and married.
Leaving your husband for this guy, this would be a very silly, selfish and foolish move.
You need to wake up to yourself.
You're a mature woman, behaving like a love struck teen!
This guy, he has no "serious" interest in you, nor serious intent with you, except to sleep with you, get his rocks off and move onto the next available female.
You are married and have two wonderful children. You should ALWAYS WORK AT YOUR OWN MARRIAGE, before throwing the towel away.
The grass WILL NEVER BE GREENER ON THE OTHER SIDE and BETTER THE DEVIL YOU KNOW THAN THE DEVIL YOU DON'T KNOW.
You and this guy, i can almost guarantee that you would never work out for the long term and then what for you?
You'll be left all alone with your 2 children, when you already had it all right in front of you.
Don't do anything silly and don't play Russian roulette with your marriage.
Teach your children, set good examples, that marriage is a commitment and family is a commitment and a commitment surely worth fighting for.
Raise your 2 children within that stable and happy environment.
If you leave your husband, it's your 2 children who will surely suffer most and they may never recover from that.
Don't destroy what you have, all for some guy who you met in a bar and don't even know well.
Talk to your husband in private about your feelings and try to work things out with the man whom you married and once gave all your attention to.
The sparks can be reignited, however, you must be willing to do something about it and so must your husband.
You must both meet each other halfway and work as the team that you are.
Why don't you both treat yourselves to an early dinner and over dinner talk about the day you both met and the love that blossomed thereafter.
Do you know and realise how precious and special that is?
If not, maybe you should watch your wedding video all over again, by yourself, then with your husband, just to trigger those loving memories and bring back the love.
Give it a go and best of luck to you.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 October 2017): I think your husband will remedy the situation by divorcing you. You need to get counseling for your drinking-problem; and get your act together. You said you have kids, who have to be in their early teens or younger. You're making a fool of yourself publicly; and making a mockery of your marriage.
You're not in-love. You're bored, and you spend too much time at the bar. You're ungrateful for what you have; but in due time you will realize it once it's all gone.
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A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (20 October 2017):
 You have two options as I can see.
One:
End things with your husband, then go and see how it works out with this guy. Worst case scenario the grass is not greener, you both don't work out and you are left single co-parenting two children from a broken home.
Two:
You stop following him around like a love sick puppy, you spend more time with your family and husband and realize how lucky you are and what a lovely family you have. Show your husband more attention. Sit down and write down all the reasons you married him and why you had children with him. If you had a wedding video sit down with a glass of wine together and watch it.
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A
female
reader, 02DuszJ +, writes (19 October 2017):
 So- are you thinking of leaving your family for a guy you talk to and fancy in a bar
There's strong chemistry though so that's ok!Ermm..
You declare your crazy obsessive feelings to a bloke who flirts with you in a bar.. maybe he doesn't want to hear that and just wants to get some- hence why he got impatient.. he doesn't want to deal with YOU, when he's out having a good time- which is all he wants. A lay with this woman who fawns all over him and he has a spark with.
How will it look if you shack up with this random guy to your children.. maybe they'll concede that relationships are dispensable and families values worthless.
You're really going to dump everything to chase a flying spark? YOU BARELY KNOW HIM.
YOU SAID IT YOURSELF- YOU'RE INFATUATED.
Well guess what- THAT WEARS OFF. When he dumps you and goes off looking for the single life again, your fantasy bubble will burst but there will be nothing soft to fall on
Has he even said he wants you to leave your family for him? If so let me guess he was blind drunk, or on the verge of sleeping with you.
WAKE UP.
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A
female
reader, Faet  +, writes (19 October 2017):
Well first question is are you no longer in love with your husband? Are you ready to leave your husband for this man? Do you even know this man, I mean really know him.How much do you know about him? Are you just infatuated with him because maybe your marriage has grown cold. Maybe you just want to feel alive again and your feeling things again you havent felt in a while.Is your husband good to you, does he emotionally take care of your needs, does he respect and love you? If not and your no longer happy or in love with him then maybe it would be best to let him go. But dont do it for this man that gives you butterflies.We have one life, we all deserve to be happy. So think everything through and think about your kids. Good luck. Hope you find your happiness...
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 October 2017): Go live with him for 6 months and then come back and tell us how it went ..Fantasy is all good and great but it's just that .. fantasy with no reality .. you don't know this man from Adam .. and saying he fancies you .. well that like saying let shave. A quick bonk .. it means nothing ..You have something solid .. if it's hit a rut then by all means try and salvage your marriage with the same daydreaming about a guy who could want to punch your lights out , while having sex for all you know .. you know nothing about him.. Take care of what you wish for .. as you just might get it .. and be left with nothing as your husband decides you know what I deserve better
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