A
female
age
30-35,
*ictoriaK
writes:Okay, so here's my issue: I was raped when I was 9-12 and then when I was 13 (2 different people) The first one is my cousin, and I never pressed charges, and the second is an acquaintance. My problem is, when the second guy got charges pressed on him, I felt like I was coerced into writing the statement, like the detective on the case kept telling me that I had to do it or I would be in trouble, and me being so young at the time, I honestly thought I could get in trouble. It's weird because I keep wanting to write to him, or try and help him out, because he has a family, so I feel really bad about it. This is the thing that really confuses me though, my cousin, the first guy, I WANT to press charges, but they told me that since it's been more than 7 years they can't do anything about it? Is that correct? and why am I getting all these mixed emotions about who should be in jail? I mean I'm really confused and it's effecting my work, my hobbies, everything. Can someone please explain this to me? And by the way, I've been though years of counseling, but it hasn't worked, I've even tried this website called RAINN, but nothing seems to alleviate this notion of ME being in the wrong. Please help.
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female
reader, vamp-gal  +, writes (4 December 2008):
 Hey,
Oh my God, that is so much for one person to deal with, it's not right, at all.
Well, first of all, the 2nd guy should be put in jail, he did what he did, and now he should pay the concequences.
You probably feel angry at your cousin because
a) He never did have charges pressed against him, so you probably feel 'So why the second guy, but not my cousin?
b) He's your cousin, your family, family are supposed to be there to protect you, and to make sure you're safe, not force you into doing something like that, at the age of 9-12, it wouldn't surprise me if you had no clue what was even going on.
I'm not sure what the laws are on how long you have before charges can be pressed, but if you ask me, that shouldn't be allowed, he could go out and do it again, where as, if they had just put him in prison, he wouldn't have been out to make someone elses life a living hell. It's not right, the second person is paying the price (like he should), he should too.
Hope this helps.
A
female
reader, Teacake +, writes (20 November 2008):
 Sorry to hear that Victoria. A mother's duty is to protect her children so why she didn't believe you is strange and sad. I think one of the top ten horrible things in life is when anyone you care for is so dismissive of us. Its a betrayal and heartbreaking.
Did the guy in jail actually rape you or did he just wear you down? I ask only because of your wanting to help him. If he raped you, please don't feel sorry for anyone who forces their will on you. Men rarely accept help nor do they ever improve until they make that decision. Best to you, Tea
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A
female
reader, VictoriaK +, writes (20 November 2008):
VictoriaK is verified as being by the original poster of the question Thanks so much you guys, I really appreciate the fact that at least some people care..... oh and about my cousin, I told my mom about a year ago. She didn't believe me :(
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A
female
reader, Teacake +, writes (19 November 2008):
Did you go to a therapist that specializes in abuse specifically? Check out on line all the different women's crisis centers and contact one that sounds like what you can relate to. Regular therapists aren't always helpful with abuse and rape. Also there are groups you can join where all the women share their stories and help each other find a way to deal with this.
Both should be in jail. The man you think you want to help is not worthy of your help. He abused you and if you think it is your job to help abusive men, you will always get trapped in abusive realtionships out of a need to help men.
Have you told your family about your cousin? I would also look on line about if there is a limit or not considering you were under age.
You need your sense of personal power back since you have had that taken from you by boys and the law. Not having control over this is very depressing and causes a lot of anger and feelings of injustice.
I think a group therapy with an abuse center and talking to family might lead you to a path of finding peace of mind.
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A
female
reader, cliis its me  +, writes (19 November 2008):
im so sorry you had to go through a experience like that i really am.
most girls do endure an experience like that but i think alot milder than what you experienced i think the reason feeling mixed emotions is because one person did something wrong to you and another person did as well and now your mind is wondering why one is punshished and one is not!!
your a strong person to have spoken out and least that makes the world a safer place for other girls i know thats not what you wanted to hear but think about all the little girls it could have happened to you just put another siko away!! i can tell you right now that in prison the other prisioner who are in there for murder etc dont tolerate "kiddy touchers" as they call it! they make them hurt so much its um bearable trust me ive seen it!! stay strong and know your mum and dad always love you and so does the world!!
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