A
female
age
,
anonymous
writes:Why am I always the friend everyone confides in, but never the friend invited to do things socially with?I am the married mother of three teens. I have always been the one to gladly pick up others' kids from school and take them home or to a team event. I have many girl friends that will call me to tell me about a problem or confide something confidential to me. I am christian and some friends even ask me to pray for them, etc. Our kids are friends in school, have been together in scouts, music,sports teams, etc. But even though I consider us to be close friends, I will find out that they have invited mutual friends of ours over to their house, or gone out and met them for dinner or planned to meet at a parade or fireworks together, etc. We are always left out. I have always given a close friend and neighbor a birthday gift and card every year, yet this year she ignored my birthday and told me how she special ordered flowers for another friend and delivered them to her friend's work personally. Yet this friend of mine confides in me how her finances are always strained. I was so hurt! I've invited her family over to my home and she says she can't then I find out she went to someone else s house instead.I've had other similar experiences, also where I thought I had become really close with someone on my kids sports team-gone to out of town events together, shared hotel rooms, etc., then they just drop me when the season is over. The friendship never continues.I don't know how to break into this "inner circle" and stop being the "acquaintance and confident" left out. I'm never the "real" friend. I consider myself to be Christian and a very loyal person. I could never do this to someone else.
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reader, anonymous, writes (26 January 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionNo, there's nothing wrong with my husband. He works a lot but when we used to get together with people, we always had a good time. The only thing I can figure is that I am a stay at home mom and work at home for some extra income, and my one friend started acting better than I was and ditching me after she got a part-time job. She seems to talk about "who I know" and "my office party" and "my job" a lot now. This may be her reason, I don't know. We live in an affluent are(we are just plain old middle class and struggle each month with bills) But even single moms have been nice to me, told me they couldn't pay for hotel rooms on a team trip(so I did) and then ignored me when we got back home.But they doted over other mom's with kids on the team that did nothing for them?The only thing I see is that I'm not high enough on the social/wealthy pole...but I'm high enough to take advantage of. Maybe I'm too nice and people just take advantage of me? But if I'm this nice to them, then why don't they keep me as their friend? why dump me? I still don't get it??
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reader, anonymous, writes (25 January 2011): Do you have a partner at home your friends are not too keen on?
This doesn't add up. If they didn't like you they would not value you enough to confide in you.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (25 January 2011): I know what you are feeling because I was in the same boat...and that hurts....I hate to say that but the next time you can say " I am so sorry...but in this moment I can't"...whenever they call you and ask for a favor....sometimes people don't realize the kind of person that you are, that you are a "real friend" not a person who remember when they need something..that's not right.
You said you are christian, I am not but I am a good person and a very good friend too, nothing to do with that, I am sorry but is true.
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