A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:i've currently got an overwhelming crush on a man at work, to the point where i arrange my working day around him, and start giggling whenever hes around. this man is in his late 40s, and is in no way appropriate for me. this i know, and i'd never go out with him anyway. but i'm crushing on him, and i get a buzz when he walks past me and i think of ways to flirt or talk to him. This is standard practice for me. if its not a guy at work, its the bus driver, or the checkout guy or whatever. When i was a teenager it was teachers or friends brothers.I'm currently in a relationship with a lovely guy and i do love him, but we've been together 2 years.Everywhere i work, i'll find somebody to crush on, to mess about with, to joke with, to try and attract the attention of, to flatter etc.. its like some kind of giddy hit i get from it, and its to do with sexual fantasy. i seldom want a relationship with them, but i'm always looking at other guys, i cant get enough of them. Thing is, if i go out with them, i get bored. then i find somebody else to play a game of chase with. if i go out with them, they become a "partner" more than a crush. and i can't get the hit from a partner.i have never cheated on my partner, never would. i'm not in it for that, but i cant keep my eyes in my head. i'm in it for the buzz and the thrill of the chase i guess. i sometimes pick unlikely people too, usually older guys, who are a bit world weary, single dads or younger guys with no confidence. i'd never go for "the office stud" thats just boring. i'm an attractive woman and i like to make them feel good as well as me.All my boyfriends are sick of it. i make jokes about it to them, because i dont consider i'm doing anything "wrong" per se. i like to be open, and make a joke like " eh up, my 50 year old divorcee came to fix my computer today, hes only 5'6 but hes lovely!" i dont let them know the extent obviously, but they know its there, because i dont lie. The point where it causes me trouble is that i dont appreciate my existing partners. nothing a long term partner can do has ever rivalled the hit i get from a new crush. i'll be sat at work and i'll get an email from some guy saying "if theres a problem, i can help you?" i'm there screaming going " omg! hes coming to help me! make up fix! omg! hes soo cute!" whilst a text from my partner saying " love you" gets the response in my mind of "yeah. cool." Although i feel its all good fun and a laugh, i feel guilty for feeling like this, but at any one time i'll have about 3 guys i quite like. but i do feel guilty. i've been like this as long as i can remember and the only reason that my partners have put up with it is because they know id never ever mess about, because thats wrong. Why am i so addicted to these silly buzzes? is it a sign of commitment phobia? am i just bored?
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at work, confidence, crush, divorce, flirt, friend's brother, my ex, text Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 June 2008): The novelty will always wear off and you will jump from a relationship to another, if you go with your passing excitements. It is easily understandable if you are the attention seeker type and enjoy being in the limelight. You do realise that it is not convenient to walk away from a stable deal that you have, and you are thus limiting your fantasies so that you won't feel guilty(?) It might just be that not the unfulfilled affairs is what displeases you, but the restricting of your imagination, an own barrier you impose to yourself. One exercise you can do, apart from a setting a reminder of your priorities, is actually continuing in imagination these escapades, laying stress on the way your current relation would be influenced, to realise what you would lose by pursuing these ephemeral attractions. Concretise these affairs in your mind and see what happens, what is to gain, what is to lose, what is important to you and what is only a caprice, what you appreciate on long term. Make it a point that you are free in your imaginativeness.Plus: http://www.2knowmyself.com/Attention_seeker_psychology/attention_seeking_behaviour_personality
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (19 June 2008): This is interesting. I have the same problem, only a milder version. I have a crush on several ladies in the places I frequent (work, my son's school, local store, etc). I doubt they know it. I get an overwhelming, systemic reaction when I see 'her'. I feel like I am 16 years old again (I am 39). I fantasize a little on how I would really like to take her out for a dinner / trip. Of course, I do not mean it either. Obviously, no solution from me.
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