A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hi there,I'm not really sure what to do. I started talking to this guy several months ago, online. Our level of talk time increased continually. We spent hundreds of hours on the phone, web cam (nothing in appropriate) etc. and I have to say I really really felt a connection, very strongly. Then we met and I wondered if meeting would be different and it was different but in the most amazing way. It's all sparks. I'm crazy about him. I adore him. (And it isn't as if there wasn't any one to date locally, but I have since told whichever guys I was seeing that there's someone and so, yea) And it seemed to me he feels the same way. So although we still live some 800 miles apart we discuss trying long distance relationship. So here's the dilemma. After I returned home, I have become very insecure, it seems like, unbalanced. I miss him. It's driving me crazy. I feel anxious. Where as he, is just going on as if things were the way they always were. There's no sense of urgency on his part. He's very happy, balanced, spending time with his friends, just like always. Which makes me wonder if our level of feelings are the same? Why am I acting like the anxious one? I'm losing sleep over this. And our level of talking has Decreased, to once a night at the same time, and it doesn't seem like we're talking as much. But he assures me nothing has changed, just trust him. But I miss him. I worry about there being someone else. About not being able to see him. About him forgetting me because of the distance. And about having to get over him some how. I was fine before, but since meeting him I'm kind of a wreck. What should I do? I'm driving my friends crazy, too.
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insecure, long distance, spark Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (10 March 2010): I think long distance relationships don't work for this very reason. Too much anxiety, too much unrequited love. How are things going since your post here?
I don't think this web cam relationship is healthy for you.
I think you would be happier in a relationship with someone you can actually spend time with IN PERSON.
Take care.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 February 2010): I noticed your question yesterday but was unsure how to respond. But I see you haven't received any replies so far, so I just wanted to add my thoughts.
I'm not sure how much help I can be, but I just wanted to say that I have experienced what you are going through. It happened to me years ago. When I was with my boyfriend, I was fine. But when we were apart, I was going crazy. We lived a long way from each other, so it wasn't easy for us to see one another. I remember feeling very distressed and upset, like I was out of balance without him there. It felt like something was missing, and I couldn't sleep, couldn't focus on anything else.
Is that anything like how you are feeling? I think it comes down to feeling insecure. You mentioned some of the fears and worries you have, so I think it is understandable for you to feel the way you do. But it sounds like it is really disrupting your life right now.
There is no guarantee that the relationship will work. There is also no evidence to prove that it won't work. It is a chance we have to take in relationships. We have no way of knowing if it will be okay, if our partner will be faithful...we have to try and trust them, and have faith. I know it's not easy though! But even if you lived close to each other, there are no guarantees it would be better.
You are probably still a bit new to each other too. Even though you have had a lot of contact, you have only met once, right? So maybe if you see each other more in the future, you might start to feel more secure. Other than that, the best thing I can suggest is to try and keep yourself as occupied as possible. I know it is difficult, but keep seeing friends, going out, doing activities, anything to keep yourself distracted. It sounds like this guy has become your world at the moment, and while that is understandable if you like someone, it can also be negative if it affects you like this.
Even if the things you fear did happen, you would cope with it. While this relationship is very important to you, there are still other things in your life which are worthwhile too, although it might be hard to see that right now. Your life is not incomplete without him being there, even though it must feel that way. Try and nurture the other areas of your life too, and give them some focus. It might help you to achieve more of a feeling of balance.
I'm not sure if I have been of much help here! But I guess I just wanted you to know that I have felt the same way too, and it worked out okay in the end. I'm sure you will be fine too. Take care. xxx
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