A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:This question is two-fold. a) how do I stop getting accused of flirting when I'm not/stop my friends, co workers, and complete strangers from making assumptions that I like someone?The problem here is that sometimes I *do* get a crush on someone and to me, it's fun just to have a crush on someone! It's safe, it's warm-and-fuzzy and it's fun! I am NOT a touchy-feely person at all (I mean, I generally stay arms-length from everyone), I don't wear makeup or form-fitting clothes and I really don't do my hair at all. I'm not a tomboy, I'm just really low-maintenance and don't like to draw attention to myself. I just like to laugh and chat and such. However, my friends/co workers/whoever tell me "it's really obvious" that I like someone and I should "just admit it" that we're together or that he likes me too and that I should "go for it" I don't wnat to! That means that if he is nice, he gets his feelings hurt. If he isn't, he ignores me or humiliates me (which people find hilarious). Or, he just ignores me beceause he doesn't feel the same way - so they always, always, always ruin it for me by sticking their nose in it no matter HOW many times I say "I don't WANT a boyfriend!" "sometimes, for me, it's fun just to have a crush on someone!" I am not overtly sexual at all and as soon as the crush is revealed, I pretty much lose interest and that's not fair to the guyb) How do you remain "just friend" with guys? I know a lot of guys think the friendzone is a bad thing, but how is that so? I mean, you connect on a mental/emotional level and you gained a friend and lost nothing. What is the problem? the only difference I see is you're not making out with/having sex wtih them. To me, that's the bonus: you get the mental/emotional connetion without having to worry about the physical one. I have had boyfriends and wanted to have boyfriends and stuff but every one of them (even the "nice" guys) went immediately from "hi" to committment. When I tried to keep it to groups, paid my own way, and didn't let hem open doors etc (hoping I was giving a hint that I was a strong, independent person who didn't need a boyfriend), they just pretty much figured it was time to jump from "hi" to committment. Or, when we were hanging out and making out all the time, that's ALL they wanted to do. They'd pull me away from the group or my friends would arrange it so that we were alone together - what I was trying to avoid. When I did state that I didn't want a boyfriend, they pretty much (boys I mean) assumed that that meant we would just make out. Almost immediately, the conversations/mental/emotional/joking around stuff came to an end ... the best part! My friends say that I should let a guy be a gentlemen or give him a chance but then I'm the bad guy for stringing him along and when I break up, it takes forever because I can't come up with a good enough answer. Half the time, I didn't even know we were going out because I was trying SUPER HARD to give out the "just friends" vibe. All my other girl friends have "just friends" who are guys and claim I'm lucky and should be grateful.I have asked and asked and was told that if I can't figure outw hy people think I'm flirting/interested (and it IS everyone), then I'm obviously doing something ... but they say I need to figure it out myself because they don't know. This is frustrating!I dont' flirt on purpose, I in fact try to make it clear that I am NOT flirting! I hate relationships because then you are expected to get physical and I've always HATED that and I really just want to be friends but as soon as I make that clear, the guys I'm taling to stop talking to me or pull away and everyone gets mad at me. I've tried making more female friends but they spend more time with each other, flat-out tell me I'm intruding on their time/friendship or that I'm making them uncomfortable. And all I do is ask if I can get a pop with them for an hour or if they want to go to walmart with me or something. I've even had some girls say, "Um, I like BOYS." What?! I have NO IDEA why they think I was asking them out. The girl friends I have in schoool basically are the only people who are nice to me and they talk to me at lunch Even when I ask co workers to hang out, they always tell me no and one girl even complained to management that I made her uncomfortable by asking.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (15 April 2014): You don't have to touch someone, look sexy or talk about sex to flirt. If some girl sat down and talked my ear off I would either think she was annoying (but liked me) or just think she was full of herself. If I think she's cute and girlfriend material, I'll listen to her and I'll try to tell her how to solve whatever problem she has. If she's telling me all that I think she's asking me what to do so I think she must like me otherwise she would ask her girlfriends. If I don't like her, I would probably just keep watching TV or something and just say stuff like, yep, nope or just nod and not look at her. I feel really weird when some girl I don't know keeps asking me questions but I'll answer them if I think she's girlfriend material or just say I don't want to get into it if I don't. If she didn't like me, why else would she care? I consider all that flirting. At least a little.
If a girl acts like she likes me but wont let me pay for something or be nice to her i just pretty much think she is trying to play hard to get so i try harder to get her to flirt with me again. And YES I want to make out with her, thats why I took her on a date or tried to get her away from her friends in the first place! When a girl acts like she likes me and then starts acting weird and pulls away I either think its a challenge or else she is playing mind games with me and i won't like her anymore
I have no idea why girls think youre asking them on a date when you ask them to hang out. Maybe its because you dont know them. I would feel weird if some dude at work randomly asked me to go with them somewhere and Id think he was hitting on me. Unless he wanted to go to the skate park or wanted me to pay him to burn some movies for me and we'd already been talking about all that.
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