A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I have been with a man for three years now, we knew each other since teenagers, we were to date than but my best freind wasjealous and stoll him and got pregnat by another man but convinced him it was his. after 20 years our paths crossed and he seperated with her and I fell in love with him. He still holds on with anger and hurt that she cheated, abused, and gave him two illegitamet boys, but for the last three months his divorce paper been in his hands and he wont sign off, why? can you tell me what he is holding on to. He says nothing when i bring it up.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 April 2012): Lots of people at the last minute have doubts about signing their divorce papers even though up til then they really couldn't wait to get divorced. especially for marriages that have gone on for many years, it's part of their identity. signing those divorce papers represents not just the spouse but the end of a chapter of their lives and therefore a loss of identity. He may hate his wife now, but his identity has been tied to her for 20 years that it is scary to not be tied to her anymore.
signing the divorce papers also opens a new chapter in life, one which may not be 100% positive because it involves alimony and child support payments which can wipe out his bank account and his standard of living, custody battles in court, stigmatization from family and friends who may see him as a 'failure' for not being able to stay married....
I suggest that you put your relationship with him on hold until he's sorted out where he stands with you, and before he can do that he has to sort out where he stands with his wife. If he decides to hold onto the marriage (even if he claims he doesn't love his wife and is just holding on to avoid negative consequences), you should end the relationship.
A
male
reader, corbandallas  +, writes (15 April 2012):
I agree with Cerberus.
His marriageis over, he's with you now. I'd say he's in quite a bit of pain based on the historyof his marriage. He will sign in due time, but has to get there on his own.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 April 2012): I have no idea OP, but it's probably because he's in a very bad emotional state at the moment and doesn't know whether it's day or night.
Leave him alone on this topic and don't pry any further. It's easy for us to look at his situation and think he should just cut his losses and sing them. But his pain must be unimaginable, perhaps he just doesn't want to face it at the moment or perhaps signing those is signing an official document that states he has failed completely and lost everything he once had but never truly had in the first place.
Don't bring it up any more. Let him deal with this in his own time.
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