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male
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*otdogvender
writes: Ok so quik background here. i met this girl over the phone she dated one of my friends and after they broke up he called her phone one night and left a drunk phone call claiming to be me and left my number. Well she called my phone yelling at me and after we got to the part that i dont know her we started talking and we eventually ended up talking on the phone for hours and just about every night after that. Im in the navy so i live in san diego. She lives in Pennsylvania.Here's where the problem is,My friend that she dated didnt know in the beginning that we were talking. I came home on leave we hooked up had a blast. We really liked each other the next few months were great, even though they were long distance. Then she started doing things to piss me off. She started going out all the time drinking not calling when shes out or answer her phone. Going to clubs every weekend, grinding on god knows who. I'm on deployement for a few months and when I get back my friend tells me that they were making out in the club and she was buying him drinks all night. They went back to his place but didnt do anthing there, other than make out. He said she was tired and went to sleep when I question her about this she gets super pissed and swears on everything that it didnt happen. She says he is just jealous. Hes like one of my really good friends. He knows everything now and doesnt care and is no way jealous. Who do i believe?? So i've been back from deployment and in san diego for 1 month and havent been able to come home until 2 weeks from now. However the emails are slowly coming in and the phone calls are becoming rare. She says she's gonna do things for me but i have yet to see anything. Shes going out to mountain parties and regualr parties all the time. And has several "guy" friends. And stays out all night till like 5 in the morning. WTF??I get out of the navy in 2 weeks and im moving close to home. Should i wait this out and trust her (which i don't) or just kick her to the curb and move on?Oh did i mention during all this she told me she loved me?? i didnt say it back she knows i dont trust her fully, and yet this all still goes on!!Am i over-reacting and jealous??
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best friend, broke up, drunk, her ex, jealous, long distance, move on, navy Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (15 July 2006): I don't really know where to start, so I'm just going to start wherever. From everything you just wrote, your relationship with this woman does not appear to be worth saving. First off, she disregards your feelings to go off with male friends and drink and party, all the while ignoring your calls. This is the typical "player" mindset; just turn off the phone before she heads out for the night-life and everything will be groovy. Players also don't tend to give much thought to the fact that their actions upset those they are in romantic relationships with. The next thing to catch my attention was the fact that this woman got very defensive when you confronted her about the situation with your friend. This is a huge red flag. Defensiveness and unwillingness to address a partner's concerns shows that she has something to hide here. I also noticed that you mentioned that she "says she's going to do things" for you. I wouldn't hold out for empty promises. "Try" is a lie. If she really had the willingness to change, you would have noticed slight, but positive changes in her behavior almost immediately. If these changes aren't happening yet, they never will.
Well, sailor, it sounds like your relationship with this woman is definately lost at sea. If I were you, I would go for a gal with a bit more class and confidence in herself. Players will always play. Don't be a tool in her game. I think you deserve better. I wish you the best of luck. I hope everything works out okay for you in the end. Stay strong!
~RJGirl
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