A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I just fought with my bf 2 hours ago. The reason is that, we had a huge pregnancy scare last week. I don't want this kind of fear again so I told him tonite I will show him how a woman's cycle works..this is just to explain to him when I am safe and when we should use condoms.But before I could even speak and just opening the ovulation calendar, he showed his back and said he is not interested to hear it. I really felt insulted. So the whole night I didn't speak to him. Ofcourse he asked me why and is something wrong, I told him the truth. And he said the reason why he said that is because he trusts me and he doesn't need me to show him this woman stuff. He said he would rely as usual on me, if i say I am safe or if not. That is what he meant by saying he is not interested. He doesn't want me to think that he doesn't trust me.I was so angry still that I told him i was deeply insulted and that because he said he is not interested I told him he is proving to be just like other guys. They don't care about a woman's cycle or her fear of getting pregnant, they just want to F**CK!(Although I know that's not true at all about him coz he was all the way insisting to use a condom before but I just told him I know my cycle.)And he told me, so you think I am like other guys? Okay, let's stop the sex. You really insulted me with that.And I told him, better find yourself another girl then. You think you can fool me with no sex? A man will always find that and if you can't get that from me, you'd probably get it somewhere else! You think I am stupid?So that was it, and he got very mad and just went to sleep. (We live together)Now I feel wrong also that I said that out of my anger. Who do you think should say sorry, me or him? We both insulted each other.
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female
reader, agonyauntsanonymous  +, writes (28 May 2012):
It does not matter who says sorry first. If you know you were wrong by saying things out of anger than you appologize, dont worry if he does or not. It was a misunderstanding on his part and you were angry. What i dont understand is why you are focusing on who says sorry first. There is a much bigger picture and you could end up breaking up. I would appologize and try to avoid breaking up over this. Also you should always use condoms because there is always a chance you could get pregnant any given day. My doctor advised me that i could not get pregnant and said that using birth control isnt neccessary but of course to use condoms to prevent stds. My long term bf and i had our son jan 24, 40wks and 4days preg. My dr appt was april 17th... He is the best thing thats happened to us. Even when you think you cant get pregnant there is always a chance. So be cautious, no matter what.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (28 May 2012): Sounds like you are both too immature to be having sex, quite frankly, and I am astonished at your age bracket.
If you don't want a pregnancy scare, you don't rely on your cycle, you use condoms EVERY time and/or you should also consider going on the pill, or having an IUD fitting etc so that BOTH of you are taking the necessary steps.
The mind boggles, sometimes.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 May 2012): Sorry to hear you had a fight about a pregnancy scare...
The responsibility lies with the two of you, not only with you, so him saying he trusts you to know when it's safe is not enough. Either you use condoms all the time if you don't want to get pregnant, or go on birth control. Using the cycle which can sometimes be erratic is looking for trouble - the baby making trouble!
He may be a male who is not comfortable knowing about "female stuff", which is fine, but then he needs to do more than just leave it with you. He is equally responsible.
You felt hurt more than insulted, which is why you lashed out by generalising, which in turn offended him by being compared to others.
It's not a huge deal. You were both worried, you had a scare, and both let out your emotions the wrong way, with the wrong words.
It doesn't really matter who makes up first. If you feel bad about it, and don't want to live in a "war zone" just make time to communicate with him. You are living together, you are partners, and have to be able to talk about these big and small things.
Choose your battles, and this one is not serious enough. The consequences are very serious, but how you handle it is more important.
If you feel you can't say it in person, send him a text or email saying now that you've had time to think, you realise you said some things out of hurt/anger which you didn't mean, and that you appreciate... and mention the specific things about HIM you appreciate. That will get him to soften up and be more ready to talk. Hopefully he in turn will also express what he feels.
Then tell him you don't want another month like last month (scare) and to avoid it, instead of only relying on your cycle, you will investigate birth control as well, or use a condom every time. That will resolve this issue.
Be good to each other, and communication is key.
Be happy!
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