A
female
age
,
anonymous
writes:I’m looking at online dating and chatting with a guy.He keeps saying, I’m guarded.But I’m prepared to trust, tell him whatever he needs to know,. I’ve told him to ask, what does he want to know.? I want to get to know him and have told him so. He seems secretive, and I am asking him to tell me more about him. However, he seems to be holding back! I’ve tried to avoid asking him about his past, as I’m trying to avoid falling into the litany of past grievences. Not that I’m affraid to disclose, but there is a time and a place for that.im ready to share opinions and feelings but he clams up when I ask about his hobbies, likes etc and try to make conversation to find out about him. I’ve told him I won’t push or rush him and that I can be patient. Although he is is the one saying I am guarded, I’m ready to open up, and am wondering how to move forward with this, as I’m asking myself, “who is the guarded one.” Please help, I really am ready for a relationship now, and if I am guarded, I’m willing to work on opening up to move on.
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male
reader, Billy Bathgate  +, writes (9 June 2019):
You may want to stop communicating with this guy and find someone else. He sounds manipulative and as if he is fishing for information.
Don’t let your desire for a new relationship push you into a compromising situation.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 June 2019): I want to address this comment separately:
" I really am ready for a relationship now,"
Don't let desperation put you ahead of yourself. Relationships don't happen immediately. They take time to develop. Reprogram your mindset!
If you find yourself doing all the talking and giving-out all the information; you're being trolled by someone who knows how to play mature lonely women.
Don't behave like a timid little fraidy-cat; but don't approach random people "looking for a relationship." That's when your discernment and better judgement goes right out the window.
He's testing you to see if that's what you'll do. Be confident, and decisive; or people will smell your fear or naivete, and they will prey on it! If he mentions that you're guarded again; tell him he raises it by being so evasive. So you feel maybe this isn't going to work. If he becomes irritated and starts to pressure you...then you'll know for sure; this guy is a troll, and up to no-good! He should be a gentlemen at all times, and understand that you can't just pour-out your soul to someone you've never even met face-to-face. Even once you've met, you must take it slow and easy!
Don't think about forming a relationship until you know whom you're dealing with, there is a distinct chemistry developing between you, and he is as candid and honest as you are.
For now, you're searching for prospects; sampling and testing the dating-pool for single eligible-men. You are nowhere near finding a relationship. These are not the times to go rushing into things, or being impetuous! He doesn't set conditions and measures for you to meet; while deflecting everything you've asked to get to know him!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 June 2019): If he thinks you're guarded, and says so; then remain guarded. You're a female interacting online with a total stranger. Exchanging messages is just an informal introduction; and you owe him no more than what you wish to reveal. He's being secretive; which makes him a troll.
Trolls seek information on their prey; but don't offer any about themselves, or they'll just lie. Consider a man who asks questions, but never answers any; married, already taken, or dangerous.
My advice is to leave him alone. He's prying personal-information out of you; and he's coaxing you to offer more than he's willing to give in return. That's a red-flag, and exactly how a troll would behave. Someone who is up to no-good, or hiding something. He is testing your gullibility or naivete; and trying to make you let your guard down. You've never met; so you must remain wary, because you don't know him!
Your line of questioning was proper and appropriate. Yet he's being secretive about common questions you'd ask someone you're attempting to get to know.
Swipe to the left...NEXT! Block and delete him!
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (7 June 2019):
 I don't think he is "it" for you. I'd keep looking.
While it's only been a week he really doesn't seem all that KEEN on meeting and getting to know you.
I do think taking it slow is smart, but if it feels like he isn't really making an effort, what's the point?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 June 2019): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you honeypie, solid advice fromyou there, Nice to know it’s natural to be cautious, but I guess I knew that. Just not sure what this guy wants me to do or say? Only been chatting about a week or so online. Exchanged quite a few messages, so I thought he was interested at getting to know me. However, it difficult to get much from him, I ask about his hobbies, work, family etc, and in return talk about mine. He has commented a few times on how he reciprocates my profile stating I don’t like to be rushed and prefer to establish a Connection before meeting up.He states that he “likes his space” which I totally reciprocate and respect.He has also said, when I’ve told him about me, “ slow down, no rush” adding that he knows not to push and for me to take my time. However, then he confuses me by saying I’m wary? I’m getting that he sees my shift working as an obstacle, as I work shifts, and he is self employed and has flexibility. However, I’m willing to make time for the right person to allow a relationship to develop. Maybe he just isn’t?
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (7 June 2019):
I think if you WEREN'T a little guarded at your age, you would be a tad too naive.
Being a little guarded and cautious is NOT a bad trait.
I have to ask though, how much time do the two of spend talking IN person?
Because I think I would prefer to get to know someone in person and I also think it's much easier to NOT be overly guarded in person versus online. It's such a different interaction when you SIT across from someone.
I think IF I were to be single again, I wouldn't know how to be an open book. No one IS. They might claim that they are but like ANY book, you have to READ it page by page and sometimes a little between the lines to get the whole picture. And that takes time. It takes asking questions, having discussions, spending time together.
Where would you even begin?
No matter what, it would be YOU "editing" the "narration" of your life.
Same for him, that is why we ask each other questions and hopefully remember things from previous conversations.
How long have the two of you talked?
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