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female
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*asper2007
writes: I'm having a problem with choosing between two guys (or neither of them). My situation is a bit sticky, though. Right now, I'm spending the year studying abroad in Japan. I love it here, and would like to eventually live here for awhile after I graduate college next year. My boyfriend, Mike, of two years was here last semester with me, and then he went home because he wouldn't have graduated on time if he had stayed. We've been apart for 4 months now. When we're together, we get along great and he's my best friend, but since we've been apart questions I've had about how much I really love him have been forcing their way into my thoughts. We are really good friends, but I've never been very passionate about him. And our bedroom life is, well, lacking. He'll be back here in a month for an internship, and then we'll both go home in about 3 months. But one night three weeks ago I met a Japanese boy at a club, and we really hit it off. We ended up fooling around for a bit, which is the only time I've ever cheated on my boyfriend. I told him right away, and he blew up and was way more mad than I thought he would be. He's taking it really hard, and even though we decided to take a break until he gets here, he still tries to put restrictions on me. Meanwhile, the Japanese boy, Yosuke, and I have started dating. I figured it would just be a short little affair until Mike gets here, and then Mike and I would see what to do (stay together, break up, etc.). But Yosuke seems really serious about me, not in a scary way but in a very intense way, and he's already made it pretty clear that he wants me to end things completely with Mike and just be with him, even after I go back home and we won't even see each other for a long time. Right now, Yosuke and I have a lot of chemistry and it's been a lot of fun, but I don't think I know him well enough to make such a big decision. And things will get really bad when Mike gets here, because he still wants to hang out and be friends even if we end things but I know he will not be able to handle it if I'm with someone else. And I don't want to just write Yosuke off because I really don't know where it could go. I don't know what to do!!!!
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female
reader, Danielle934 +, writes (29 April 2006):
 Yes I agree with RJGirl, you should break it of with Y! You have been apart from your man for a while, its only natural to question your feelings for him when he can't show you them daily. It seems to me that you do not like being alone and seek comfort wherever you can get it. Even if you were falling for this new guy, it is not right for you to jump into a relationship or "fling" with him right after taking a break with your man back home. What you are in is a recipe for disaster!You say when M comes back you are going to have a talk and decide weather or not to end it entirely with him... if you have been with Y the whole time you have been on a break with M then you should know the answer right now. If M reacted so badly to you just fooling around with Y then why would he want to continue being with you if you kept on being with Y the whole time? Y might seem like a logical choice right now, but you have to know IF YOU CHOOSE TO KEEP THIS FLING GOING THEN YOU ALSO CHOOSE TO THROW AWAY YOUR RELATIONSHIP WITH M. Also you said you are leaving Japan in 3 months, it is not like Y is planning to move back home with you after only knowing you for 3 months is he? I think it is most likely that you are using Y, even if you fell for him you still have to be apart from him for a long time until you can see him again. What makes you think you will be able to stay faithful to Y being long distance, if you can’t even stay faithful to M?I think the best thing for you to do is to call it off with Y (which means do not see him at all) and allow yourself some alone time until M gets back then you should decide what to do (who you missed more).
A
reader, anonymous, writes (29 April 2006): Don't make any decisions yet. Wait until Mike comes back to see you and decide how you feel when you are with him. Being without your guy can make anyone feel like their relationship is questionable, but only because he's not there to show you how it really is. Is a three-week fling really worth giving up your two-year relationship? You're right about not knowing this guy well enough to take it any further with him. In my opinion, you should break it off with him and take some time to think about your needs and what you want from a relationship. Good luck to you!
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