A
female
age
36-40,
*enka
writes:I love my second cousin and we want to get married but i am a hindu girl and my society does not allow this, Im really very much confused what shall i do as after marrying him my family will leave me. or I can say that if they come to know about this i dont know what they are doing to do. my family is a very orthodox and rigid family and my own brother loves me very much, i dont have my father so my brother is searching for a groom for me and had not married due to me....so i am confused totally in this, shall I leave my family or my love because my second cousin would be also love me very much and he cant live without me and im not in a condition to leave both my family and him...If any one had an answer for me do pls reply....
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female
reader, angel's cry +, writes (11 March 2013):
apparently i am in the same situation .... i guess it matters which religion you belong to ..and i think it should be worth trying .. because its your love who you want by your side not the rest of the world !!
good luck!! hope for the best!
A
female
reader, Miamine  +, writes (4 December 2012):
 We can't help... It's your choice, only you can make it.
If you lose all your family, you will have only him. What if the love goes, what if the man changes? What happens if you never see your family again, will you miss them and stay unhappy forever? It's a cold life outside with no family.
If you lose him, what will happen to your heart? Can you marry another man, can you love them, can you kiss them and be close to them? Will you be able to love again, or will your heart cry forever?
Only you can know. We cannot choose for you. I can only advise you to go to your family and speak to them again. Speak to the family person who will defend you and speak up for you. Explain to your brother what is in your heart and how sad you feel.
But in the end, only you can choose... Family or Man.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (3 December 2012):
 I am afraid you won't like my answer, but I'd say follow your head , not your heart. Don't marry this guy.
You belong to the same gotra, right ? and carry the same last name ?. Then you know how it is, this kind of marriage is considered absolutely wrong and shameful in your culture ( even if not illegal, in fact the High Court of Delhi so far upturned all petitions to make them legally banned ). But one thing is civil law, another religion, tradition and social consent. You'd cut yourself off from your family ,friends and community. For marrying this guy, you'd have to go live somewhere else and be sure that you are totally financially independent and don't need a cent ( or an anna ) from them. And even if you change town, if you want to hang out with people of your caste, I am afraid they'd be equally disapproving an if they find out you've married within your gotra.
It could be kind of " we two against the world ", and that sounds so nice and romantic until everything goes weel, but if for some reason , a few years down the road, your marriage does not work , and your mutual feelings change ? that may happen to the most crazily in love of the couples, you never know what the future holds. But if it holds something not good... you won't even have your family and friends to go back to for support and comfort.
Well, actually there is a trick that's been often used to get around this situation, but I am sure you know it already. You should be legally adopted by a maternal relative, so your last name will change and you'd be considered belonging to a different family. ( Silly move, IMO , because you'd still be you and with the same blood ties to your future husband - but apparently your culture does not see it this way and is more accepting with this kind of trick ). Maybe you could talk to your brother about this ? if he loves you and wants your happiness, ( and he still gets to save face !) maybe he'd consider that...
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A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (3 December 2012):
 Nobody has the answer here for you I am afraid. It is something that you need to decide yourself. I can understand why you feel so torn but I think you need to be honest with yourself and ask yourself what it is you really want with your life. This is your decision to make and nobody else's so follow what you believe is the correct path for you. Good luck.
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