A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I'm on a fence. Still.But I think I'm falling for this guy who is not my husband. Why can't I leave my husband then??? Every time I see my guy or see a photo of him I think, I need him, I want him.He wants me, he says thats all he wants is me. And he wants me to be happy. I think that Guy #2 can make me happy but here I sit on my fence.I talk to my husband daily about splitting. We have two little boys we would have to "share".I have slept with the other guy. He is so very sweet and gentel. so is my husband. my husband however is not overly affectionate and I cannot handle it.I want to leave. I am afraid to leave. I worry for my kids, we are discussing things calmly but. I just don't know. I want this other guy so very much. I can see a future for him.HOw do I choose? has anyone ever had to choose like this? I am waiting for my other guy to give me a ultamatum. Then only then I'll be forced to decide.I don't want to hurt my husband. I have no guilt though of cheating. none whatsoever. what does that mean?I am thouroughly confused and I cannot stay away from this other guy. he is so very attentive and loving.I'm so confused! anyone have any kind of similar situation? I need some kind of advice. Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (19 January 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionwell. updating cause I feel I need to. The grass CAN be greener. My boyfriend is sweet and loving. My ex is hurt still after a year and bitter. I understand. However. for all that hope I "got the happiness I crave" I did thank you. He's amazing. There is someone for everyone. My first marriage lasted 7 years. So sorry for whoever feels they got burned or has "seen more" someday I'll be in your shoes too and you'll be elsewhere :P
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reader, anonymous, writes (3 June 2009): You've made your choice, and you've decided to be true to yourself. Fair enough. Without malice I wish you and your children the best.
You chose to interpret candid and forceful feedback to your question as insulting. A question, by they way, that you later describe as having left out lots of pertinent information. I can only imagine that you didn't spend much time on this site looking at similar questions to anticipate that you might get something other than, "oh, you poor dear."
It's remarkable that you think no one who answered might have gone through a period of neglect in their relationship. Given the age you posted, I'll go so far as to say that the periods of neglect and rejection I've had in my life far exceed the length of your marriage. I could tell you that I don't give a fuck what you think either. Instead, I'll just say that I hope you find the happiness you crave.
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reader, anonymous, writes (2 June 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionwell. I told him everything. He is hurt but understands. He admits he's changed. He doesn't understand himself why he doesn't love me like he used to. He just wants to me "accept he loves me" but also to accept that he can't give me any attention.
well. I told him I'm sorry but I can't be that way. I am from a affectionate family that needs to be shown (as well as show) their feelings.
Sorry to all who insulted me. I don't give a fuck what you all think and I hope you get neglected someday honestly. You only know what I wrote not the agony that I went through before I even started this affair. Before all this I loved my husband sooo much. I would do anything for him, give him anything and make him feel loved. When he started to reject me thats when I started to not care anymore. I have been shit on in the past. unfortunetly my husband was the guy to get me this way, where I refuse to put up with it. I told him how i felt. I told him what I needed and when he didn't bother. well. f that.
Be rejected a few times. THEN you'll know what I feel.
I'm not saying I should have started a affair but. Shit happens. I think there is only one life. ANd I DESERVE to be happy. So does he. and if he can find a woman who can accept no attention, affection (except for sex) well good for him.
My husband has comes to terms with this. And I think may have learned. Unfortunetly its too late for us. I don't want to try anyomore. I'm moving on.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 April 2009): you have already moved on and you are sleeping with this other guy. you bemoan the fact that your husband is not fulfilling you. you made your bed, just now do the right thing and allow your husband to meet a someone who would love him, faults and all. after all, you are perfect!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 April 2009): "I have no guilt though of cheating. none whatsoever. "
well, that says it all about you then doesn't it? wouldn't your husband be better off without a callous, un remorseful, unfaithful wife? who are you trying to bluff with your sweet, good for nothing words of not wanting to hurt your husband.
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reader, anonymous, writes (21 April 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionyes my husband used to be more affectionate. and i'm not talking about sex. I'm talking about wanting to give me a hug or a friggin kiss every once in awhile.
The other guy has a child of his own, he has never been married. I do think that there are people out there that do keep up with affection and attention. I know that for a fact actually. Why I wonder what happened is because he used to be this way, he used to love me, even when we had kids. What I don't get is if I can give him love and attention every day, AND be a mom AND work why the hell can't he? He says its all he can do is try. But if he's trying I am dissapointed. YES this is the real world, no its not all sunshine and light. BUT I do belive that you get only one life. Why should I live my whole life with someone who "sorta" remembers to love me when its convient or when he is reminded by me TRUST me I remind him. I tell him please a kiss in the morning before we get up or a hug when you come home makes me feel loved.
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reader, anonymous, writes (21 April 2009): OK, what was it about your husband that made you go for him in the first place? He was sweet and gentle at the beginning, before you had kids together. Now that you're in the real world of raising kids and making a living, it's not all sweetness and light?
I understand that you can't possibly give us the whole story in the amount of space that anyone wants to read. All we have to go on is what you wrote. So forgive me if what follows is too harsh.
You married your husband, you committed to "for better or for worse." Now, after two kids, you find it's more worse than better. And then someone comes along and thrills you, the way it used to be before you had to bother with the real world of a husband and kids.
You made your choice: you married and you brought children into the world. That life isn't always a thrill -- it only works if you make it work. Grow up and make it work with your husband, with your children -- invest your energy into making a happy family.
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