A
female
age
41-50,
*onelysoul
writes:The commitment phobic guy who will always cheat or the man who might not be able to fully understand me and my issues.Am a somewhat complex individual with a few issues which means only a few people understand me and can handle my mood swings, and although I haven’t been diagnosed, a few close friends and family members have all hinted that I might be suffering from bi-polar.I often have severe mood swings, get angry easily and can be quite hurtful towards the people I love.My family all understand me and my boyfriend is quite good at reading my moods, signals and as a result tends to just get on with it.Here’s my situationI’ve been with my CP boyfriend on and off for 3 years now, during the early stages of our relationship I found out his ex was pregnant by him and they now have a 2year old son together, this led to us breaking up and I went out with some other guy for a year plus, who also managed to cheat on me and hurt me, I left boyfriend number 2 only to fall back into the arms of boyfriend number one.We are still together now but things have never been good between us, he lives at home with his baby momma but claims they have no relationship, I on the other hand live alone so he come to visit every weekend, he never does anything for me or with me, its always just hanging around, the odd movie dates and sex.We speak on the phone on most nights but recently I am losing interest in those conversations and can’t be bothered to answer his phone calls.In the last year he’s been on 3 holiday trips solo, without inviting me or bringing me back anything and I have reasons to believe he’s been meeting some other girl from out of states on these holidays.Am at the stage where I don’t care anymore but deep down I do love this guy, I just can’t put up with his behaviour anymore and he keeps telling me to just give him time and be patient while he sorts himself out.Its bad enough I’ve accepted that he comes with a child, do I have to continue accepting his living conditions and his selfish behaviours too?while he was away during his last holiday, I went out with some friends and met a guy who has been very nice to me, we talk on the phone all the time and he has made it clear that he wants me to be his girlfriend, he also knows that I currently have a boyfriend but doesn’t mind waiting for me to end my relationship with this man of mine.The problem I have now is this, I obviously love my boyfriend but he hasn’t been much of a boyfriend to me, this other guy on the other hand is good to me, older, more matured, has more going for him in life and knows what he wants but I don’t love him.I want to leave my boyfriend and am not scared of being alone, but if I leave him now, I might let the other guy in and what if he turns out not to be whom I thought he was, what if I throw away everything only to come off worse?Am so confused, does anyone have any idea how best to handle this situation?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, wiseoldman +, writes (28 July 2011):
Your problem is not the boyfriend choice, but your underlying mental/emotional problems. Have the courage to work on curing those with a proper professional, since you've also had the courage to admit them. A larger pool of men will then be attracted to you, and consequently you'll not have to settle for damaged goods out of desperation. Very best wishes.
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