A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hiya, I'm in a bit of a pickle with my boyfriend of over 2 years. We had a big fight last Friday, and since then we've not seen each other once.I've texted asking to sort it out, but he ignored me, then I said I was taking a few days to myself and he finally replied saying we'd talk at the end of the week. I replied the following day with a massive text apologising for the argument we had, and he replied thanking me and that we'd talk Friday. Today.I'm just a bit worried that he wants to end things.And do I contact him first today, because I feel like I'm putting in a lotmore weffort to resolve this than him.I don't want to feel like a mug and just give in and call him, I'm just worried that he won't either.
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female
reader, Aunty Babbit +, writes (25 October 2013):
 Thank you for taking the time to reply :)
You deserve so much better!
You held out an olive branch and he's been whipping you with it!
Quite frankly I don't think it matters what he has to say anymore.
My advice is to cut him loose, he probably won't even care and if he does? Then he should have treated you better.
You deserved the opportunity to talk about and sort this thing out and he's just been a total pig!
If I were you, sod talking now, the time for that is past, he had an opportunity to sort this out (in fact many opportunities) and he blew it, surely nothing he can say now can rectify this!
You're better off free of him.
I wish you well sweetie AB x
A
female
reader, YouWish  +, writes (25 October 2013):
 Are you serious?! He blew you off?? What an asshole!
If he cared about you, he would come over after his shift finished. He's rubbing your face in it now, plain and simple.
I don't advocate breaking up by text, but my response to his putting off the meeting for work reasons would be to reply to him by saying "Don't you ever darken my door or send me another text again. I'm done with you."
If he cared and it was truly work-oriented, he would have come by after the shift. The person you love most in the world should never be treated like this. I don't care what the fight is about at this point. He's a complete jerk, and doesn't deserve you.
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reader, anonymous, writes (25 October 2013): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHiya, I am the poster of this question.
Unfortunately before reading all this advice I had text him asking when we would meet. We arranged, but about 20 minutes ago he cancelled due to work apparently. He said he wants to see me tomorrow, but I'm now at the point where I cannot even be bothered to reply.
Thank you all so much for your answers, you have all helped me realise that he is treating me badly and his recent text makes me feel like he doesn't care at all. So I'm not going to reply, and then I'll see how much he actually wants to talk.
Thank you again
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reader, anonymous, writes (25 October 2013): I agree with iAmHereToHelpYou. What she says adds additional substance to my advice. You have to ignore him; because as I mentioned, you gave him the upper-hand by apologizing first. That is like accepting the all or most of the blame for whatever your row was about. He in turn will leave you hanging to stew and worry what his final decision is. That was giving him too much power.You must be calm throughout the situation, and not let fear and emotions rule. He will try to make you feel he's holding all the cards. He decided when you'll talk about it. You already took your share of the blame. Now, sit back, and wait. He isn't handing down a ruling. He's supposed to be working things out with you. Don't bother to attempt to talk, if his attitude is arrogant or condescending. Don't react. Politely end the call by saying you'll get back to him, when he feels like discussing things calmly.Then leave him alone. It's his turn to apologize for being rude.I reassert my previous advice, and do suggest that you minimize the drama and emotion. You don't want him to feel he can rule you by bullying and intimidation. Whether you're right or wrong.If he does decide he wants to move on; comeback to us, and we will offer you the comfort and advice you need.
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female
reader, YouWish +, writes (25 October 2013):
I agree with Aunty Babbit on this one. You both fought, and you have already reached out to him to sort it out. Time for you to stop communicating with him. You know why, right?
His silent treatment is his way of punishing you. He is *inflicting* that pain in your stomach as sure as if he were punching you in the stomach. Since this is the first time, if you so much as twist, cower, lay down, chase after him, or wheedle apologies, he will use that on you any time you so much as cross him.
You already did your part. Adults talk things out, not drag things out to emotionally bludgeon their partners. They don't coldly "thank" for an apology and then put them off to punish them.
He owes you an apology for simply treating you like this, no matter what the fight was about. I have a very low threshold for people who use this tactic. I'd drop them immediately because I'm a "don't let the sun set on a fight" type of person.
Stop every form of communication and go on with your life. Do NOT call him on Friday. Do *not* text him, email him, drive by, or accidentally "run into" him. It's okay to fight in a relationship knowing that mature people have the right to disagree with each other without tearing them down or emotionally abusing them like your boyfriend is doing to you right now.
So what if he ends things with you? Big deal. If he treats you like this, you're much better off without him. Never ever ever and I mean NEVER let desperation cause you to degrade yourself, and if you contact him now, that's exactly what you'll be doing. Stand up to him now, or you will tear away what little esteem he has for you and you have for yourself. He should be ashamed, not you.
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A
female
reader, Aunty Babbit +, writes (25 October 2013):
A lot depends on what you rowed about and why!
At the moment, for what ever reason, your boyfriend very much has all the control.
He's dictating when this will be sorted out and it's all on his terms.
You are being very submissive.
No, I don't think you should call him. He has clearly stated you will both talk on Friday so let him call you.
As I said at the beginning I don't know what happened for you two to argue but either this is your fault and you've done something really awful to make him behave this way OR he's being a controlling bully and making you beg, plead and wait for his attention, if it is the latter then I would rethink this relationship.
Sorry I can't be of more help but there is very little to go on AB x
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reader, anonymous, writes (25 October 2013): You need to know where you stand either way, so just call him, and ask him straight what is going on.
I hope you sort things out.
Good luck!!
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reader, anonymous, writes (25 October 2013): Now is the time to be mature. You were the first to apologize, and he was the one who made the arrangement to talk to you on Friday.To avoid frustration, allow him to contact you. If you apologize to someone; you place yourself in the position of asking for forgiveness. Then you have to wait for the acceptance. Rushing for an answer may be premature. He's needs time to cool off; so he won't rush to judgement.You are anxious to know; because you're scared he wants to breakup. Don't plead for forgiveness. If people really forgive you; they won't make you beg for it. If you have to beg for it; they're not ready, or they never will.Use the time to sort out your feelings and get your emotions under control. You both let anger get the better of you, and you both said things that forced you to cut-off communication. You have to remain calm. You have to gather some control; because the minute he senses you're going to get over-emotional, he is going to run. He will avoid your crying and dramatizing, and let you stew in it.Tears don't always get you what you want. If you fight; you are both wrong. You had an angry exchange that didn't resolve your problem. You have to listen, and he has to listen to you. One of the reasons people never work things out; is because they try too hard to be right, and struggle for control. You raise the white-flag, and approach with weapons lowered.You have to see each other as equals. You have something that upset you, he has something that upset him. Being a drama-queen will give him the upper-hand. Accept blame; but don't take all the blame. Don't resort to angry bargaining;or making threats. Let him have his say. Make sure you get yours. Do not resolve your issues over the phone, or by text messages. You need to be together face to face. He will try to make it all on his terms, most likely. Tell him you want to have a talk. You don't want to settle things using a device. Don't be demanding, this is the time to offer a truce. You want to compromise and makeup.Good luck, my dear! Try to remain calm, and don't let your mind get carried away. Please let us know how things go. I hope my response reaches you in time!
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