A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:This is a question for all to answer male/female young/old,single/married.who would you say is the most insecure person the female because she has realised that after 7yrs together,45yrs old and a child the man she loves and wants to spend her life with be his wife now knows for sure they wont ever marry and she wont ever get that security,share a home together plus everything else that make a man and wife want to be together so after she got dumped she decided she would stay single and hopes 1 day a guy will want the same things as her friendship,marriage etc.her ex who is 47yrs old says she is everything in one and also loves her,yet he wont share a home with her,or marry her dumps her and then calls her slag etc because she has joined dating sites,yet he made it clear he did not want her an wants to stay single and she would rather settle down share a future,marriage etc.all answers greatly appreciated thanx
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 September 2010): I would like to add my final words to this issue,how can any man respect his woman when he allows his ex to freely come to his house without asking even though i have said im uncomfortable with it yet it still goes on,been to partys etc were the ex and her family are without me and then lies about it,tells me he loves and wants me and i fall for it again have sex with him then he tells me the ex wife whom he has had no contact with offers him a free 2 week holiday with her then he dumps me because i get upset i try to make it up with him buy him 7 roses and a teddy tell him i truly love and want to be with him an still want to be his wife he drives off in his car an throws the roses and teddy out of the window on to the road,he crushed me an showed me total unloving disrespectful feelings that made my mind up i had to get out and im staying out,i am worth more than that thanx everyone for your comments and views.LL
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 September 2010): female anon just because you go to dating sites does not make you an addict,why should i wait for a man who wont commit,share his home,his lifestyle,his friends but most of all his love,i asked him 5yrs ago to marry me and he rejected me then and is still rejecting me yet he is capable of bombarding me with 60 txt mssgs within 24hrs,he dumped me chose to be single yet complains you cant have your cake and eat it
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 September 2010): to all i was married for 21yrs and worked hard to hold it together,but due to the level of violence and drug abuse i had to protect myself and children and ended that marriage,my ex is angry that im not a doormat and im doing what is best for me and my children also having fun and enjoying life and if and when i do meet someone who captures my heart then we will decide our future,he likes the single life and has no intensions of commiting that life is not for me i like home life taking care of your man,family,home thats the life i grew up in and want,not kept wandering where i will be in 6 months time,i want a fulltime partner not a parttime lover
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 September 2010): To both. There is no future. Mr. Move on. After all the years,what has improved or changed? Miss,after all is said and done you do not want this man. It is unfair. He has dumped you,you put date lines before him. You need to address the date line fixation. Have you come here as a way of justifying why you was on one? Knowing he would see it? Seek what you need in life,but your ex has made it clear date lines and him dont live side by side. You are probably addicted so therefore not likely to hear. There is no future. He calls you names because he's hurt. I dont believe you will have even thought about it.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 September 2010): Op. You seem to have enough experience at this dating or online sex/flirt. Have you discussed marriage with anyone off a site yet? It has started to sound like a desperate attempt to get out of something. Op, how can u say "the man you love"? Let him go. Do not have relationships until you are ready for one.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 September 2010): Are you sure you are the type who should be getting married? It shouts out divorce before you even get to the church. It seems she is the one who has a commitment problem.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 September 2010): Noooo he should dump her. Not a healthy relationship.
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A
female
reader, Miamine +, writes (28 September 2010):
 Thanks for joining in Mr.Ex Partner.. as we said, it doesn't seem that you two are compatible as romantic partners. Please stop calling the lady names, she is the mother of your child and deserves respect for that.
Finish this toxic relationship, you have nothing together now except for being the best parents that you can be.
OP... If you want this guy to get serious, I think you should stay away from the dating lines... it just makes him angry and makes him want to dump you anyway, and it's not getting you what you want. If you want to get married, propose to him, or set a date at church. If he isn't there when your ready, then dump him and don't take him back.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (28 September 2010): As the person she has wrote about,we have split over the same argument of her addiction to dating sites. She has been with me whilst on the sites. I have had cyber sex with her under a different profile. It is not fear of commitment just because i dont want to be with her. She is welcome to her dating sites. At least i'm not with her this time. If i find someone who's honest,doesnt cheat,decieve an lie i will commit to the bitter one who's divorced. If ur not intelligent enuff to know there are 2 sides to a story,dont get insulting.it shows how lonely and bitter u are.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 September 2010): I would hazard a guess at saying you dont love him. This must go a lot deeper than you are mentioning. He was childish calling you a slag,but joining dating sites is not the way to make yourself a potential wife. You are in love with meeting a husband,but you dont love your ex. Let him drift.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (28 September 2010): I am the male in question. The writer is bein very economical with the truth. We had a row on saturday. She trashed my car and joined dating sites again. She has cheated and hid things from day one. Gets jealous very easy but doesnt like bein questioned. I have left this behind me now and i will simply not marry someone who has so many sex lies and secrets. She has cyber sex with or without me and also joined a site for meeting married men for casual sex. I will back up anything i say. No i dont want to marry her.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (28 September 2010): The woman is not wanting to be alone,then goes on dating sites. The woman has a fear of being left on the shelf and will settle for anyone who accepts her. he obviously loves her whilst faced with marry me or i get someone else. If marriage is all you want then let him find someone who loves him either married or not. You can marry anyone u get chance with. He will run off if put under that pressure. As you are on dating sites why him? He's easily replaced if he doesnt jump to your demand. He is an individual with a brain. If you are on dating sites he is sensible if he doesnt commit to you.
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A
female
reader, Sugarbuns  +, writes (28 September 2010):
 I don't know about insecure, but it does seem you're both incompatible. In a nutshell, you two don't want the same things out of this relationship or in life. You clearly want to take this relationship to the next level and get married. He does not. Therefore there's no reason he should assume you're not going to date and sign up for dating sites. Why should he care? Did he think he could dog-paddle in limbo forever? Once the line in the sand has been drawn you either cross the line, or you back down. If you the two of you do not want the same thing this relationship has no where to go.
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A
female
reader, YouWish  +, writes (28 September 2010):
 I don't think the word is "insecure" here. I think the word is "incompatible". The guy doesn't like commitment and was probably burned by it earlier in his life. He wants the benefits of committed life without the hassle. She on the other hand believes that love and commitment go hand in hand, and she realized that he's not the one that will give it to her, so she moved on and he's upset about it.
He can't have his cake and eat it too with this woman, and she realizes that he will never change and has decided to find someone with views on love that are more compatible with hers. I don't see how insecurity plays into it, since it sounds like both are very secure with what they want and don't want.
The guy has to understand that calling his ex a "slag" isn't the best way to reach a comprimise if indeed one might exist. Heh.
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A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (28 September 2010):
 Insecure is not the word I would describe him. He's selfish, irresponsible and he has issues. I would imagine in 7 years if you can't get to the root of the problem because of his need for privacy, is it possible that he would never open up to you? Never feel wrong about dating others. The fact he called you a slag is not an indication he still loves you, but rather he has no empathy and only thinks for himself.
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A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim +, writes (28 September 2010):
 He is the most insecure because she is looking at moving on and he doesnt appear to be doing so.
There are a lot of unasked questions here, if these two people dont want the same thing for their future, and are unable to negotiate meeting somewhere in the middle so that its a "win win" rather than a "lose lose" then they need to work out how each of them are going to build the future they want, while still making sure the child they share doesnt suffer.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 September 2010): I think you? or the woman should stay away from the ex. In his moments of weakness he is coming back to her, but he doesn't care enough to give her what she wants so that she is happy, because she wants to be on the same page and he is happy living like an immature child and losing out on this amazing woman he has who loves him and wants to be with him. I think the man is more insecure, he clearly has no idea what he wants, for obvious reasons has made many mistakes. The woman needs to see she deserves better and to realise she will find it, just staying true to herself, remaining positive and not losing hope, and also staying away from her idiot of an ex, who did not treat her with the respect she deserves.
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