A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I just had a baby 2 months ago - baby's father vanished and turns out he is marrying someone else. I am doing fine without him and feel I am over the sheer pain he put me through when I was pregnant..anyway the baby is just gorgeous even though I feel bit traumatised by what happened - nearly needed a blood transfusion on her. Lucky to be alive. Anyway am taking it extra slow even while single. But am in a v confusing situation and perhaps someone out there can help.2 male friends of mine both came on to me strong behind both of their backs. They knew about this and now 1 has finally backed off. The nicer and more genuine one of the 2 (lets call him A) hugged me (hence the friend B NOW backing off) - tried to kiss me but I wouldn't let him UNTIL I know who it is I want. Tonight he txt me love you x. I never responded as I didn't know if it was a drunk txt as he sent it v late - he has done this once before. Meanwhile another guy (lets call him C) who I am actually attracted to...is now telling me he can't commit cos of his PhD. I flipped out and said I deserve better and more then this..and can have that...anyway he begged me and said he wanted me - we met up and well he then tried to kiss me but again I would not let him. I don't know who to go for here and its killing me.A - have this great chemistry - he phones me up every day and talks to me at length - 2hr+ sometimes. He is in love with me and I know he is genuine BUT I am not sure I fancy him enough to go with him. Also he has told me once before blondes do it for him more - I am a brunette and he has once said while drunk I wish I loved you...NOW he tells me from hanging out with me he really loves me...AND I don't know what to make of it as he is still seeing the other options who always talks to me about. He is brilliant with my daughter and dotes on her.B - is a serial liar and best friend of A who is like Barney Stinson. So a total no-no in my books.C - I am attracted to him v much and fancy him but I do not fancy his personality as much as A. In fact his personality drives me nuts a lot of the time and I find his character can be a bit difficult. We disagree on a lot of things too..but yet when I back away from him he worries that I won't want him. My daughter laughs at him more.I know all of them I prob should not bother with any...but its really a toss up between A and C...Does anyone have any ideas. A and C want to spend all of their time with me and I really don't want to end up double dating. I know I have to pick one here...and I am taking my time as I want to make the right choice. I am still focusing all my time on the little one...but does anyone have any ideas as to who would you go for? and what should I do...Thank you..
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reader, anonymous, writes (19 June 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks BitterBlue - really appreciate what you wrote. Its highly confusing. In terms of commitment A is going extra slow with me cos he sees me as a potential wife to him and I can't seem to get that thought out of the back of my mind. B was just hedging his bets for a fling and is more attractive then A but is relegated from this debate. C doesn't want commitment for now and said he didn't want to go public and wanted to just 'go with the flow' and see if it turns into something more committed as he didn't want to get my hopes and expectations up yet...he seemed to have this wall of defence up. A is more himself around me then C and even though A has not done a PhD he is a chef and a v practical hard-working man. I had a go at C and said I didn't want to be messed around...I know I probably deserve better then all 3 but I cant stop thinking of C when A talks to me and vice versa and its really starting to upset me a bit. I want to pick one of the 2 but its like as if both are on a equal par with each other. I think he txt me love you while drunk cos he was scared of getting rejected by me. I had just had a great date with C - when C had left I looked down and saw this message from A. I'm happy I told both guys I don't know yet cos I do not want to hurt either of them. I guess I should just keep a distance and like you say with time the right one will hopefully become more apparent and if not them then prob someone else. Option D - is highly intelligent but lives far away from me and yet we help each others lives out quite often via email and I wish he would fancy me. We are just friends - he doesn't know I have a huge crush on him and I keep it that way cos I love what he says to me. He told me no to all 3. IDK - hopefully with time it will become apparent but I know for a fact A is v different to B..they are like chalk and cheese.
A
female
reader, bitterblue  +, writes (19 June 2010):
 B is out of the question - the serial liar. A may be charming but I don't like that he is best friends with B (the saying "birds of a feather flock together" holds true) and I don't like that he texts a respectable lady (and mother) at late hours, you suspect, while drunk. So neither is a good choice for a person with better standards than that. As for C, well, at least he is honest, he doesn't want commitment. Are you able or willing to go through that emotionally? Or do you want a fling? He is probably intelectually superior to the other two but not interested for long-term, that spells heartache if you get too involved. And, for all that matters, people seem to be attracted to others from similar backgrounds, for the bond that brings, educational and in terms of interests, etc. They can be different, but not very different. I think you can do better than all 3, and that you should focus on yourself more so after a failed relationship, think about what you want and seek, to be happy and make happy, don't settle for less if you know you can do better realistically, think about the qualities that are important to you and I'm sure you will find someone who shares your values and will also want to commit. Congrats on your baby!
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