A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Ok, i have a few guys on the go at the moment and would really like to focus on one, as a boyfriend likee. But theres little things about them that make me not know which to choose. So, the first one is a boy in 6th form, i'm in year 11 (he's 2 years older) which i don't mind :) and he is absolutly gorgeous! He's the hottest guy iv'e ever seen seriously. We text and talk on msn and we flirt.. he's always been jokin about me goin to see him like when he's at gym and stuff but obviously he's just messin about so i asked him if he fancied goin out to the mall and he said he was busy, its also sometimes hard to make convosation with him. But i guess i did only ask once and he could have been workin or somethin. And the second guy is in my year and a few of my classes, he was textin me one night and asked to meet up so we did, we made out quite abit and i had fun, but then afterwards he said do you mind if we keep this quite cos all my mates will call me a manslag cos i havnt been single for long, which i thought was wierd, but i said ok. On that night i asked him about the girl he went out with abit ago (shes in year 9 btw) and he said she was textin other guys nd that so he ended it. But then the next day i saw him talkin to her, they wernt kissin or anythin but i felt abit used :/ and he didnt talk to me much, he did wink though. And the third guy lives in spain, i met him on holiday and will probly be seein him next year when i go again but i didn't realise he was 20 :S he doesnt look it at all. But iv'e just decided to be friends with him because he's abit old for me and lives too far away. So i don't know between guy 1 and 2???? What do you think i should do?? Pleasee help (: x
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female
reader, celtic_tiger +, writes (13 November 2009):
 OK, well thats one question solved! lol
so, now for Guy 1.
Nothing in this world is guaranteed, but unless you ask, you can sit around forever wondering, what if, does he, doesnt he...blah blah blah....If he doesn't like you as more than a friend, then it is unlikely that he will change his mind and you cannot force him to like you the way you like him. However, you dont know what he thinks yet!
So, you need to get to know this guy, talk to him, gently flirt with him. I suggest not asking him to hang out in the mall - as he is probably older now and into other things. (yr 13 is way past the hanging out in malls stage). This may have been why he didnt come last time - also guys HATE shopping. So never ever ever try and drag them out with you unless you are prepared for a serious amount of sulking, huffing and "can we go home now" comments.
But, talk to him, communicate with him, and get to know him. Show him your sparkling personality, so that he likes and wants to spend time with you, for "you" as a person, not because of the way you look or for the sex side of it.
Communication is the key to any good relationship, so get the groundwork and foundations started early.
When I was your age, maybe a bit younger, I met the most wonderful guy. We had a connection that I have never felt with someone else. I was shy, he was shy, we sort of hovered about on the edges of each others lives for years, neither of us being brave enough to make the first move. (this is going to sound very sad now lol). Needless to say, I was hopelessly in love with him, and I still am. We "nearly" got together many times, and the pantomime between us went on for years. Anyway, we parted when we went to Uni, and nothing ever happened. Now, we have reconnected, and both being braver and (maybe) wiser, we have realised that talking is great, and sometimes you have to be brave and take a risk! We still have that same connection, which is stronger now than it was even then, and we have something very special between us. BUT it has taken us 10 years to get here!
If you really like this guy, then be brave. Make a move to talk to him!
However, please bear in mind that he may not reciprocate your feelings, so before you blurt out your innermost thoughts, get to know him, and judge his actions first.
Lots of eye contact, chatting and laughing is good :)
Good luck!
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 November 2009): But the first guy does give me butterflies, I can't stop thinkin about him. I just want him to feel the same, any suggestions?
I decided not to bother with guy 2 cos he's just acting as if nothins happened and it's put me off him.
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A
female
reader, celtic_tiger +, writes (12 November 2009):
Personally,I dont think you should date either of them.
The fact that you cannot decide between them, suggests that you dont like either of them enough to be a boyfriend. Yes you may think they are cute, but you dont like them enough to separate them from other guys. If one guy doesnt instantly spring to mind, then you really should move on.
Guy 1: the older man... he sounds like he enjoys having a flirt, but isnt really interested in anything serious. IF you went out with him he would probably use you and dump you.
Guy 2: Young, and full of hormones. He was happy to make out with you, then you saw him (possibly innocently) talking to his ex and felt used. Maybe the lesson here is not to make out with a guy unless you are dating?
The fact you were making out with a guy who wasnt your boyfriend also leads me to wonder what it is you actually want from a relationship? Because I can bet you, if other guys saw you doing that, they would think you were fair game. Just be careful about getting overfriendly too soon... it can lead to getting a reputation, which you do not want. It may also put off a guy that you really do like.
A boyfriend should be someone you really really like, not just one that ticks the boxes at that moment from a collection of boys you have hanging about. He should give you butterflies in your tummy, and make you go all soppy when he is around. There should be mutual attraction, and a level of communication that isnt just based on sex. He should WANT to spend time with you, WANT to talk to you, go out with you, and generally be around you.
The fact that the older guy isnt bothered, and you seem to think the younger one is using you again suggests that neither of them is really that interested.
Move on, and be patient. Life isnt all about being in a relationship. It is perfectly ok to be single!
When the right one comes along, you will know, and you will feel it. At the moment you cant decide, because there is nothing there.
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