A
male
age
51-59,
*yperious
writes:Ok, well, heres a major problem I have, and I would just like some opinions and views.About 3 years ago, me and my wife started having problems in our marriage. We continued to live together for another year. Eventually she started not coming home from work till the morning, this continued for about 2 weeks. She then told me that she had met somebody else and wanted to leave me for him. This really hurt, but I packed up my stuff and took a Greyhound back home to my family in another province. 4 months went by, and me and her talked a little bit over this time, and she had said that she wanted to be with me again, so she left everything of ours behind, and brought our daughter (14, at the time), and we got back together. After a few weeks, we went back to BC and things were fine for a few months.She then met another guy, about 10 years older than her, and she started hanging out with him a lot, and once again, left me for this new guy. I moved out, but this time stayed in the same city, got my own place and lived on for a bit. He is useless, couldn't hold a job, so one day, my sorta wife asked if she could use the car while I was at work, and I let her. When she came to pick me up, she told me that her and her new guy moved into my house, because they couldn't afford a place of their own!! So what ever, I couldn't see her live on the street, and life went on for another month with them there. It was awkward, but I did my own thing to ignore it. During this time, she ended up getting pregnant, so it could be either his or my baby. Anyway they broke up after a month of them living with me, and we got back together again. We decided to move back to the same city as my family once again.After one month, she left me once again for this same guy! She went back to BC, and i didn't hear from her for about 4 months. I missed her, but I went on with my life and assumed it was all over for good this time. She had the baby during the summer, it was a boy, and when I seen pictures, he looked identical to our daughter and even my baby pictures, so there is no doubt in my mind or anyone else's that the baby is mine.So heres the problem. During the first time we were broken up, while I was living back with my family, my brother brought his girlfriend over, and there was an immediate connection between me and her. We both ignored it though and just avoided each other. The next time we came back to where my family lives, me and my brothers girlfriend knew it would be harder to stay away from each other, and started flirting. But, when my wife left, my brothers girlfriend started getting really close to me, and a lot more flirting. Again we avoided each other though and never thought things would go further.My brothers girlfriend (we will call Crystal) went to Ontario for a week, and me and her started texting and found that our feelings were really strong for each other, and asked if I wanted to pick her up from the airport when she came back and drive her home. I said sure. So I drove her home, and never left. I moved in with her and my brother, just so we could be closer. Neither one of them minded. But things got carried away, me and her got very intimate. Her and my brother eventually broke up after a couple of months and he moved out, I stayed. (they never broke up because of me, it was other things) The intimacy continued. We never did end up dating though, but we knew our feelings were very true for each other. During this time, she continued to date other people, and it bothered me, but things never changed between us. After a while I moved out cause things didn't feel right, one because its my brothers ex, and two, she is 18, and i am 34. Her and my daughter were even going to the same high school. My daughter is very jealous of her, and they don't get along sometimes. We still see each other, and I stay at her house a lot, although there is nothing sexual anymore, not because we don't want to, just we don't. We are very happy just laying there and cuddling and talking, or just seeing each other. I have told her, that she is to do whatever it takes for her to be happy, and if one day she decides to be with me, then that's good, if not, I will always feel the same for her, no matter what, and she tells me the same. The feeling we have for each other is a lot stronger than I had for my wife.But now, my wife wants to come back to me, again. Its really confusing me, I don't feel the same for my wife as I do for Crystal. I am in love with Crystal, but I love my wife, and don't know if I want to be with her, yet I avoid spending time with Crystal, just so my wife doesn't know that me and Crystal still talk. It is causing a lot of stress on both Crystal and me. Crystal says that I am starting to treat her unfairly. Crystal has a boyfriend as well, but puts me first over him every time, and also said that if my wife wasn't coming back, that we could be together. Crystal is everything that I ever wanted in somebody. I am feeling the only reason I want my wife to come back is so I can be with my son, because I don't think I want to be with my wife anymore.Crystal has never asked anything financially either, thought I would throw that in, cause thats what I keep hearing. Her and my brother also have a baby togetherJust so you know, me and my wife have been together for 17 years.I just want some opinions on what direction to go.
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at work, broke up, flirt, got back together, has a boyfriend, jealous, moved in, moved out, text Reply to this Question
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female
reader, dawnathome  +, writes (24 January 2009):
 Wow. I feel for everyone involved here. What a mess. How are the kids holding up? Wow. Sounds to me like everyone needs to step back, spend some time alone... REAL time alone and work on themselves. This jumping around from relationship to relationship is not healthy for anyone. Everyone has lost touch with themselves it seems and doesn't know what they want. I have no right to give advice as I am going through a tough time in my marriage as well (he cheated and didn't stop contact with her until Jan 1) but it seems like if you have lost touch with yourself and don't know who YOU really are then you cannot and will not be able to really know what person you want to build a future with. It sounds like you want to build on a relationship and only be with one person but are you sure about that? I hope you find some guidance some how and that all people involved can find some true happiness.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (24 January 2009): Wow, is this for real? This is a group of people who have no boundaries and just change with the wind, feelings, partners, commitments.
I haven't a clue which way you should go, if you don't know who does?
Personally, I think you all need some therapy at the very least and you need to get rid of your cheating wife, she won't change. You can't be in a relationship with the mother of your neice or nephew, it just isn't healthy....she is 18, young enough to be your daughter.
Get a divorce, get visitation or joint custody of the children, move your ex wife out of your house and get a new girlfriend that is not dating anyone you already know.
That would be a start!
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